5 Main Reasons Why People Cheat On Each Other - Alternative View

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5 Main Reasons Why People Cheat On Each Other - Alternative View
5 Main Reasons Why People Cheat On Each Other - Alternative View

Video: 5 Main Reasons Why People Cheat On Each Other - Alternative View

Video: 5 Main Reasons Why People Cheat On Each Other - Alternative View
Video: Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved | Esther Perel 2024, March
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Cheating remains the number one reason for divorce. Moreover, divorces are sick and heavy, which pulls a lot of grievances. And it's not about sex.

If you take a snapshot of family life, then many do not care how many partners a husband or wife had before marriage. Be there 11, not 10, no one will raise a scandal because of this (this is not about chronic jealous people, there is a special conversation about them).

If a couple divorces (bitter hello, 50% of marriages), then they also don't care how many partners the other will have after the divorce. But if the 11th partner appears during marriage, then this completely changes the matter.

And it's not about sex, it's about cheating trust. It hurts us when we are deceived and betrayed. However, relationship is a two-way road and both partners are always involved in the desire to change, as well as in the desire not to change.

Why do couples cheat on each other?

1) People choose the wrong partners

Neurotic attitudes, self-doubt and lack of awareness often force people to choose not those with whom they are happy, but those with whom they do not experience loneliness. This is a kind of compromise so as not to be alone. However, then they experience "two loneliness", which is sometimes worse than loneliness, because it is burdened with a sense of guilt.

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At some stage, one of the lucky, or rather the unfortunate, breaks down and finds a relationship on the side. Bipartism leads to the fact that parallel relationships can last for years, because behind them is the fear of breaking up with the main partner who is not suitable and being left alone.

2) They get bored

Unfortunately, even very loving people get bored with each other and sometimes want to run away from each other somewhere. He cuts his nails on the couch and leaves them on the table, she clogged the drain with her hair. He knows what she will say before she opens her mouth, she knows that he will whine again, that she spent a lot. Everyday life gets enough, people get bored with each other, along with their habits - and I want novelty.

Here we must share the degree of intolerance. If this is no longer possible, then betrayal will alienate the partners from each other forever. If this desire to unwind, then an affair on the side does not necessarily separate the spouses, sometimes it can even strengthen the connection.

3) Desire to get attention

The romantic phase of a relationship is caused by a decline in oxytocins, and with them falling in love. It comes about 2 years after the start of the relationship. At this stage, the partners lose their rose-colored glasses, de-idealization of each other and the disappearance of musi-pushi. At the same stage, the partners start thinking: Does he love me? Am I good / am I? What am I worth?

This often pushes partners to flirt on the side in order to test their "value" in the love market. Sometimes flirting spills over into something more, ranging from emotional closeness to physical closeness.

It is important to communicate with your partner and receive feedback from him, along with compliments, romance and hugs. But in order to get it, after the romantic phase, you will have to ask for it. Many people have a problem with this, because there is no need to ask on the side, they give themselves there. This is why I say that relationships are work. Unfortunately, you have to ask.

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4) Desire for physical intimacy

You may not believe in astrology, but in the Zodiac the point responsible for the family is in the fall in the sign responsible for sex (the same, the famous Moon in Scorpio). It turns out stellarly that sex and family are conflicting things. Family is home, comfort, children, pillows, tea in front of the TV, pictures on the wall, not sex and passion. Therefore, for sex they go to lovers and mistresses.

The convenience of family life makes us forget about the physical component of the relationship. The chemistry that came into being when you first met doesn't wake up anymore. At the same time, the physical need for sex, in which the emotional need for sex is automatically embedded, does not disappear anywhere. She is suppressed and seeks a way out.

What to do? Hug, kiss, have sex. Throw out the pillows, pour out the tea.

5) Constant conflicts

Conflict is always stressful. Couples that are constantly in conflict expose themselves to prolonged stress that the body cannot cope with. There is a release of cortisol, which makes the body sick and aging. Therefore, one of the partners begins to look for a relationship on the side. Peaceful relations, of course. In the family, he or she will quarrel, and with a lover or mistress to rest in body and soul.

Conflicts are the fastest and most effective way not only to infidelity, but also to inevitable divorce. It is almost impossible to separate conflicts alone, because conflicts are a communication pattern. It can be changed by changing the thoughts and feelings that underlie it. This requires therapy.

Cheating has no clear definition. You yourself determine what treason is. There are couples who are getting divorced because one of them received an SMS with a heart. There are couples who have foursome sex on the same bed and watch each other. There is no recipe. There is only what you personally consider acceptable to both of you.

And so the advice: talk, talk, talk to each other. Cheating begins where partners don't listen to each other.