Why does someone succeed despite crises and other troubles, while others barely make ends meet, even in good times? Why do some, realizing that the relationship has reached an impasse, get divorced and try to build a new, happy family, while others struggle with their unloved husband (wife) all their lives?
Scientists believe that learned (or acquired) helplessness is the cause of many troubles. A person, due to certain circumstances, comes to the conclusion that nothing will change from his actions - and instead of trying to improve his life, he humbly resigns himself to failures. Sometimes the syndrome of learned helplessness arises from a serious psychological trauma, or as a result of incorrect upbringing, or it is a "national" disease - if the people are taught for many years that nothing depends on an ordinary person … But quite often learned helplessness develops as a reaction on a series of unfortunate events - and nothing more.
The fact that a person can develop the habit of failing was first discussed in the 60s of the last century. In 1964, American researchers (among whom was Martin Seligman, the future founder of positive psychology) studied conditioned and unconditioned reflexes in dogs. And one of the experiments gave unexpected results. The dogs were placed in metal cages, then a loud sound was turned on, and then an electric shock was launched (not strong, but unpleasant). After some time, when the dogs learned the pattern, the experiment became more complicated: after the current was applied, the doors opened in the cages. According to the hypothesis, the animals should have immediately rushed to freedom. But no: the dogs continued to lie submissively and whine …
To confirm the theory of learned helplessness, experiments were carried out over 25 years. And not only on animals. Of course, people were treated more humanely. So, in one of the nursing homes, some patients were asked to choose a houseplant, take care of it on their own, clean up their rooms as best they can, choose a menu, etc. For others, everything was decided by the medical staff. Three weeks later, it turned out that people who at least partially controlled their own lives began to feel happy and were significantly less ill.
In a number of experiments, the reaction to the opinions of others was studied. The subjects were offered various tasks. Then, regardless of the result, some were constantly praised, while others, on the contrary, were criticized. Those who regularly heard disapproval in their address began to make mistakes more often, their mood decreased, and motivation disappeared.
HAPPY EXCEPTIONS
However, not all. In the course of many years of research, it was found that about 30% (both people and animals) do not give up under any circumstances! The experiment of the already mentioned Seligman was indicative in this respect. He worked with a group of students. Everyone was told that they would hear an unpleasant sound and that to turn it off, you just need to press a button. Many, after several unsuccessful attempts (pressed the button - the sound did not disappear), stopped any action and waited for them to be released. But some continued to stubbornly press on the cherished button - until they achieved a positive result.
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Such people began to be called "conscious optimists." Despite their setbacks, they don't give up - and sooner or later they succeed. And not only in laboratory conditions, but also in life.
The reasons for "deliberately optimism" are not fully understood. It is obvious that individual personality traits, genetic predisposition, temperament play an important role. But external factors, although important, are most likely secondary. Since there are many cases when brothers and sisters who grew up and were brought up in the same conditions became completely different: someone turned out to be a successful person, someone was an average person, and someone was an inveterate loser. The same picture was observed on a national scale. Even under totalitarianism, some people managed to achieve success (without changing their principles) and feel happy.
ALARMING SYMPTOMS
And yet, such individuals are rather exceptions to the rule. Learned helplessness is a "disease" that is widespread enough throughout the world. And, as practice shows, it is quite contagious. For example, depressed, unsuccessful parents often have children with learned helplessness. Total control leads to a similar result. When the mother or father thinks that they will do everything better than the child and constantly suppress his initiative (“Leave it, you cannot do it yourself,” etc.), as a result, the son or daughter obediently folds his paws and begins to wait for the weather by the sea. Excessive care can often have the same effect. If parents strive to protect the beloved child from any troubles and hardships, a person grows up infantile, unable to fight for his own happiness.
By the way, it is not difficult to identify the ill-fated disease. A person with learned helplessness often repeats typical phrases:
- I won't succeed;
- I am never lucky;
- No exit;
- Why try, if (there is no crisis / stability / terrible bosses / stars are not so located / zombie apocalypse on the doorstep, etc.).
There are other, behavioral markers. For example, for the sake of achieving a result, a person may make some effort (simply because "it is necessary", not too hoping for success), but after a couple of unsuccessful attempts, he habitually abandons the case. After all, as always, nothing happens!
"MEDICINE" FROM FAILURE
Fortunately, today this “disease” is being successfully treated. If desired, you can cope with learned helplessness on your own. Since the main symptom is the feeling of your own uselessness, lack of significance, the confidence that nothing depends on you personally, it is with these attitudes that you must fight in the first place. Forget all the "hard evidence". It does not matter at all that in the fifth grade you took the last (or second) place in the school Olympiad; it doesn't matter that the guy you were in love with in your youth married your girlfriend; it doesn't matter that the firm you work for is bankrupt. Identify areas of your life that you can precisely control. Are you able to wake up on alarm? Wonderful! Can you arrive at work on time? Fine!Can you make yourself some coffee? Excellent! Celebrate every successful action (even, at first glance, insignificant): you answered the phone, pressed the elevator button, locked the door with a key - and you did it! Let such encouragements seem delusional from the outside (you are not going to praise yourself out loud, are you?). Don't think about others. Think about your subconscious mind: all your achievements are important to it, any success is equal - from a soft-boiled egg to a Nobel Prize! So do not skimp on praise - mentally reward every successful action. So you "reformat" the program, prove to your own subconscious mind that you are not at all a helpless loser, but a person in complete control of your life. Then you will soon have more significant reasons for pride.at first glance, insignificant): you answered the phone call, pressed the elevator button, locked the door with the key - and you did it! Let such encouragements seem delusional from the outside (you are not going to praise yourself out loud, are you?). Don't think about others. Think about your subconscious mind: all your achievements are important to it, any success is equal - from a soft-boiled egg to a Nobel Prize! So do not skimp on praise - mentally reward every successful action. So you "reformat" the program, prove to your own subconscious mind that you are not at all a helpless loser, but a person in complete control of your life. Then you will soon have more significant reasons for pride.at first glance, insignificant): you answered the phone call, pressed the elevator button, locked the door with the key - and you did it! Let such encouragements seem delusional from the outside (you are not going to praise yourself out loud, are you?). Don't think about others. Think about your subconscious mind: all your achievements are important to it, any success is equal - from a soft-boiled egg to a Nobel Prize! So do not skimp on praise - mentally reward every successful action. So you "reformat" the program, prove to your own subconscious mind that you are not at all a helpless loser, but a person in complete control of your life. Then you will soon have more significant reasons for pride.locked the door with a key - and you did it! Let such encouragements seem delusional from the outside (you are not going to praise yourself out loud, are you?). Don't think about others. Think about your subconscious mind: all your achievements are important to it, any success is equal - from a soft-boiled egg to a Nobel Prize! So do not skimp on praise - mentally reward every successful action. So you "reformat" the program, prove to your own subconscious mind that you are not at all a helpless loser, but a person in complete control of your life. Then you will soon have more significant reasons for pride.locked the door with a key - and you did it! Let such encouragements seem delusional from the outside (you are not going to praise yourself out loud, are you?). Don't think about others. Think about your subconscious mind: all your achievements are important to it, any success is equal - from a soft-boiled egg to a Nobel Prize! So do not skimp on praise - mentally reward every successful action. So you "reformat" the program, prove to your own subconscious mind that you are not at all a helpless loser, but a person in complete control of your life. Then you will soon have more significant reasons for pride.any success is equal - from a soft-boiled egg to a Nobel Prize! So do not skimp on praise - mentally reward every successful action. So you "reformat" the program, prove to your own subconscious mind that you are not at all a helpless loser, but a person in complete control of your life. Then you will soon have more significant reasons for pride.any success is equal - from a soft-boiled egg to a Nobel Prize! So do not skimp on praise - mentally reward every successful action. So you "reformat" the program, prove to your own subconscious mind that you are not at all a helpless loser, but a person in complete control of your life. Then you will soon have more significant reasons for pride.
Well, what if it doesn't work again? Even the eggs are overcooked? But we ignore such facts. Or we level it with a mental attitude: "Tomorrow (next) time will certainly work out!" The main thing is to prove to the subconscious, to fate, to yourself that you are the master of your own life. And then the learned helplessness will pass like a slight runny nose.
Ilya BEREZIN