Psychologists and coaches recommend that you first identify your true desires. What do you want? a specialist on happiness will definitely ask you for advice. And then during the consultation he will ask clarifying questions several times in different wording, the purpose of which is to find out if you really want this. Because there are true desires, and there are those that are dictated by society. It is sad when more attention is paid to social desires. Because they, even if they come true, do not add happiness, alas. The feeling of happiness brings only the fulfillment of true desires. How can you tell one from the other? How to distinguish desires inspired by fashion and advertising, parental precepts and advice of friends, from true ones? How to weed out imaginary desires, the achievement of which is spent real life energy?
It's good when imaginary desires are eliminated by themselves. They just don't come true. And here it is important to realize that you didn't really want to, and not to worry about their lack of implementation. Five years ago, when I became interested in coaching and the topic of fulfillment of desires, I made a list of 100 points What I want is exactly what was required according to the instructions for the exercise. It turned out that it is not so easy to pick up as many as 100 desires in the mind. Therefore, the list included desires from all spheres of life, global and very insignificant. A year later, I re-read the list and noticed that from a long list, such desires as:
1. I want a car
2. I want a driver's license
3. I want to go to the gym regularly
4. I want long nails
I began to check, are these my desires? I mentally tried each desire on myself, asking how I feel at this moment on an emotional and physical level? Does it warm or not warm the soul? Am I comfortable? What do you want? Are my desires or not? No, not mine. This is exactly the case when desires are imposed by society.
Girlfriends have grown nails. Nice. But friends do not teach art therapy classes with children, their clay and plasticine do not clog under their nails. No, actually I want short-cut nails because that's more comfortable for me.
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The gym? Well, it's kind of like for a figure, for health. I want a figure, but I don't want to go to the gym. Exercise equipment, dumbbells, the smell of sweat in the gym is not, does not warm. Three sets of ten times is boring. What do I want? I want dancing. Oriental! Beautiful music, seductive movements, ringing in time with a coin on a loincloth. This is mine. Want.
Car. Introduced. Immediately. Inspection. Refueling. Tire fitting. The body tensed, as if it wanted to run away. I can't imagine myself driving. I can't imagine my hands on the wheel. Introduces himself next to him in a chair. Doze, listen to music, watch the road. Want. I want to drive a car, but not behind the wheel, but in a passenger seat. So, let me always have someone willing to give me a ride and the opportunity to take a taxi.
But my friend really wanted to drive her own car. But alas and ah she complained that she had not been able to buy for six months for various reasons. I ask a friend: What kind of car do you want? Oku It seemed strange to me that a twenty-two-year-old blonde with false eyelashes dreams of Oka. Do you really want Oku? She thought, and then, with the intonation of an excuse, she began to explain that Oka is inexpensive, small, that mom has been driving on Oka for a long time and is very happy that parking is convenient and you are. So do you want a small car or just Oka? I can be very boring and corrosive. And then a familiar breaks through: Yes, of course I would have preferred another car! Even when I sit in the Oka's salon I somehow feel uncomfortable, but I only pull on Oka for finances! Think about what kind of car you really want A friend thought very diligently.
She chose a little Deushka the color of apple green and placed her picture as a screensaver on the desktop of the monitor. Then everything is like in a fairy tale. Mom agreed to take out a loan. (The acquaintance herself at that time was on probation without official employment). Her boyfriend promised that he would financially help pay off the car loan. From the job at which she had worked for a month and a half at that time, she was sent for advanced training with subsequent official employment and a salary increase. And in the final, an acquaintance of friends put up for sale his wife's car, an almost new green Deushka. In general, a month after our conversation, an acquaintance was driving me around in her car, calling me a sorceress. No magic. Just clearly formed intentions that coincide with true desires and simple actions. An acquaintance easily agreed with my arguments that she did the magic herself, but she repeatedly sent people to me to consult for a dream come true.
Another way to return to yourself and your true desires is to remember your childhood dreams. Indeed, in childhood we are more real, we have not yet had a huge number of attitudes from others about how everything should be.
One woman at the consultation remembered seeing a girl playing the flute as a child. The magic sound made an indelible impression. And then she very much wanted to play the flute herself. She shared her wish with her parents. But loving parents said: Katya, you are doing ballet. You won't have time to learn to play the flute. Quitting ballet after so many years is unwise. It is unreasonable. And obedient Katya forgot about the flute In the life of a lonely thirty-year-old woman, Catherine, there was nothing other than a prestigious, but unloved job that occupied all her time. Why didn't Katya leave this job? Because it is unreasonable to leave such a good place. When Katya remembered her childhood dream,She bought herself a flute and just started playing the pipe. Then she decided to go take flute lessons. Playing the flute brought her into a completely new resource state. I wanted to live, create, love. Katya made a decision to go to study another specialty - even if it was unreasonable, but she really wanted to. And then there was a new interesting job, new friends, new discoveries and hobbies. Remember your childhood dreams. Maybe it's time to implement some of them? Take a step towards yourself.
To dream correctly, you need to turn off your mind and listen to your heart. Reason will come in handy later, to develop a strategy for getting what you want, but at the initial stage it is not needed. Otherwise it will grumble: This is unreasonable, it is unrealistic, it will never be achieved. Or like this: Look at you! At your age! the mind is inclined to become clogged with other people's phrases.
Choose a time when no one will bother you. You can turn on quiet music (only without words, so as not to be distracted by the semantic content of the songs), lie down, relax. You can lie in a bubble bath. Or what else your fantasy and your body will tell you. Especially the body. It is necessary to catch the feeling that you are the best (the best) and deserve all the best. Concentrate on your bodily sensations and your breathing. Breathing should be coherent, a smooth inhalation turns into a smooth exhalation. Inhale, exhale. Inhale: what I do Exhale: I really want Inhale: what I do Exhale: I really want And then catch the images and enjoy. It is important that this is precisely at the level of sensations, not thoughts. I wouldn't like to go to the sea, namely the feeling of warmth, the sun, the taste of salt water on the lips. Pleasant meditation. An important first step when working with your desires.
Second phase. Immediately after, until nothing is forgotten. Write down all yours I want on paper. Moreover, let it be not a standard A4 sheet and not a sheet from a school notebook. You can use a roll of old wallpaper, Whatman paper, a narrow long strip of stapled notebook sheets. Write in a spiral, scatter, block letters, bright felt-tip pens, or pastels. You can even sketch something. Why are such difficulties? This wish list should not be like a to-do list or a grocery list to buy at the supermarket. It is important to get around your rationalism and the usual framework. Enjoy the process.
Only then proceed to the third stage of the traditional list. Only not desires, but specific goals. To make a wish come true, it must be turned into a goal. Concrete and measurable. Otherwise, how will you know that it has come true? And how will you understand what needs to be done for this?
Abstract wishes don't come true. Simply because the criteria are not clear. And if there are no clearly defined criteria, then it may constantly seem that everything is wrong and wrong.
When women at consultations tell me that they want to be loved, I ask: And by what signs will you understand that you are loved? Under what conditions do you feel loved? When they say that they want a harmonious relationship with their husband, I ask: What does a harmonious relationship mean to you? By what external signs will you understand that the relationship has become harmonious? By the way, when untwisting the phrase harmonious relations, about which women talk so much at consultations, completely opposite criteria are obtained. One for harmonious relationships needs the opportunity to have her own personal space, her hobbies, even if they are not shared by her spouse, and the opportunity to spend a day off with her friends. And the other, for harmonious relationships, is that everything is always together and think the same. (Eh,it would be good if the criteria for harmonious relations were discussed by the spouses even before the wedding, otherwise the illusion is initially created that both want the same harmony, but by harmony they mean completely different models of building relationships)
I would like to formulate a large salary in numbers, please. How much is it for you? Otherwise, there may always be a person who receives more, and without the previously clearly spelled out numbers, it will begin to seem that your salary is again not big
I want to rejoice at the success of the children. So rejoice. What prevents from now starting to notice successes and rejoice? I want to specifically rejoice at my son's gold medal, but this is already an invasion of the son's desire or unwillingness. You cannot wish for something for another person.
When you've made a list of specific, measurable, personal goals for you, review it often. The subconscious mind will begin to build a plan for implementation. Don't miss his clues. And go for it. It is a great misconception to think that in order to fulfill your desires, it is enough to make yourself a dream collage and read positive affirmations every day, sending information to the Universe. If this strengthens your belief in success, then, of course, make a collage, read the affirmations. But in terms of effectiveness, this will not replace daily purposeful actions. A diary in which you cross out completed tasks will lead you to achieve goals faster than a collage with affirmations. Dreams come true, the one who purposefully comes true.