Devaluation - evil or good?
Devaluation is one of the defense mechanisms of the psyche, in which we reduce (or even completely deny) the importance of what is really very important to us. Everything can be devalued: people, emotions, achievements. It is a means that helps us to preserve ourselves and avoid contact with intolerable feelings.
The logic of this mechanism is as follows: let me lose something important, let me offend another, but save myself from destruction. And we do it - we make any sacrifices, just to preserve our self-esteem, just not to experience pain.
I want but I can not
We often devalue what we want but cannot get. A fox in a famous fable devalued the grapes, saying that it is green. Well, she could not bear the inaccessibility of the very grapes, which she really wanted to get. To admit that you are unable to get what you need is a pain to hit yourself on self-esteem. So the unfortunate tailed beast had to reduce the importance of grapes.
Photo: pzromashka, PressFoto.ru
Likewise, depreciation works in envy: a person wants, for example, financial success as a neighbor, but feels that such happiness does not shine for him. Maybe there is not enough education, will, self-confidence - but you never know what. But admitting this is painful, embarrassing and unpleasant. Nobody wants to sign for their own failure. What to do? To devalue the successes of that very neighbor. For example, say that he stole everything. Or that he got all this for beautiful eyes and great connections. At the very least, he was just lucky - at the right moment he was in the right place.
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Devaluation of feelings
Nobody taught us how to deal with negative emotions. We do not know how to experience our own pain, and how to help someone who is in pain. On the other hand, we are perfectly able to "silence" unwanted feelings (both ours and others) with the help of devaluation.
Negative emotions lead to self-destruction. Photo: gromovataya, PressFoto.ru
Often we ignore other people's grief, because we are afraid to drown in it. Or even worse - to come into contact with one's own (which is also devalued and is stored somewhere inside, we just don't know. But we feel that if it breaks through, it will cover it up). Then we can easily say to a depressed person something like: “Well, what are you worried about, this is all nonsense! Let's better watch a movie."
There is even such a special term - "victimblaming". This word means a situation in which the victim, instead of sympathy and support, is given a portion of accusations such as "it is her own fault." Often, victims of rape and other terrible situations receive such a reaction from others. It would seem sheer wildness! Well, what normal person would “finish off” the victim with accusations ?!
And personal psychology and the harsh reality say that very many. After all, if you do not devalue the victim's feelings, then you will have to join them and get a secondary trauma (that is, take on some of her pain and fear). Moreover: you have to admit that such a nightmare can happen to everyone, that there are no one hundred percent ways to protect yourself. And to come into contact with our own feelings of terrible helplessness is difficult for each of us.
Devaluation of yourself
People with low self-esteem, prone to masochism and self-sacrifice often devalue themselves, their value and their successes.
Employees who are not paid their salaries do not believe in their worth, so they are afraid that they will be easily replaced by other people. Photo: pzaxe, PressFoto.ru
For example, it may be employees who are not paid their salaries, but they still persist in going to work, afraid to utter a word (what can we say about the strike). They do not believe in their worth, so they are afraid that they will be easily replaced by other people.
Women who are in destructive relationships, who endure rudeness, betrayal and irresponsibility of their men, devalue themselves and their experiences. They reduce the significance of their pain, for example, by such beliefs: "Well, they still change", "does not drink, does not beat - and that is good." These thoughts help to maintain not only relationships, but also their self-esteem (after all, it turns out that it is not “I endure, and I am a masochist,” but “Everyone tolerates, and this is normal. I am normal”), but they also give rise to psychological problems.
People who do not talk about their desires, do not express their dissatisfaction - these are also personalities prone to devaluation of themselves. They feel that the opinions and feelings of other people are much more important than their own. They do not voice their needs because they are afraid of offending another. But for such people, to offend another is to become a bad person, and this is intolerable.
Devaluation of others
There are those who reduce the importance of other people, their feelings, thoughts and achievements in order to seem more successful against this background. Devaluing others is a form of psychological abuse, a way to increase your self-esteem by humiliating another person.
"Sworn friends" who cannot refrain from caustic comments. Photo: majesticca, PressFoto.ru
These are "sworn friends" who cannot refrain from caustic comments. These are mothers who devalue the successes of their children with indifferent nods and questions: "Why did you bring only one A today !?" These are the husbands who say: "The dinner is delicious, but I could have had time to do the cleaning." And the wives with remarks: "And this is all that you have earned for the whole month ?!" (motivation level 80).
Devaluation is often used by manipulators. For example, you can easily make a person dependent on yourself if you convince him that he is wrong, crooked-oblique and no one else needs.
There are people for whom depreciation is the only way to communicate. They don't know otherwise. Which is very reminiscent of that package from Harry Potter, which offends everyone who reads it.
If you understand that next to you is such a "package man" (just do not forget to "cool down", otherwise in the heat of a quarrel or resentment "convolution" can be attributed to anyone), then the second point is to think: are you not a masochist hour, since you continue to communicate with him? Most likely it is. Especially if you wanted to name a lot of reasons "why not." It's not scary or bad, it just means that communicating with such a person gives you something very important
Other side
It may seem that the mechanism of depreciation is something terrible and harmful. But nature is much wiser than us, and it does not create anything “definitely bad” or “definitely good”.
It's hard to throw away a dress you like - it gives a valuable dream (that you will lose weight - and fit into it again). Photo: antikainen, PressFoto.ru
For example, parting with something significant is impossible without devaluation. You will not throw out of your life what you really like, what can still be useful? Of course not. For example, it is very difficult to throw away a dress that you really like (even if you do not wear it) or gives a valuable dream (that you can be beautiful, that there will be a ball in your life, that you will lose weight and fit into it again).
But what has lost its significance, we can already let go. And if you devalue the same dress - for example, convince yourself that it is no longer fashionable, that it only takes up space, but there is no sense in it, then it is already possible to throw it away.
Devaluation does the same work when parting with loved ones. We cannot “let go” of a partner whom we consider very necessary and good. And until we diminish its importance in our own eyes, we will not let go (with separation from parents - the same story). It happens that this is the only way to live on without getting stuck in the past. Especially if the pain of parting is unbearable. We can say that depreciation is a kind of “pain pill”. If we feel too bad, then we accept it in order to have the strength to live on. But you can't live on pills all the time. Chronic anesthesia is the absence of life, paralysis of the senses.
We devalue not only us, but us as well. And then we experience severe pain and annoyance, especially when close people do it. But you and I know: if the mechanism has worked, it means that a person is saving himself from something terrible, threatening and destructive. He is protecting something that is very important to him.