The author, a native of the USSR, recalls his childhood and offers his American fellow citizens, who are not used to the lack of toilet paper and essential goods in supermarkets, tips for surviving the shortages caused by the coronavirus epidemic.
Step aside, capitalists, and let me, a former Soviet citizen, teach you how to proceed. Fighting over toilet paper? Storming supermarkets? You have lost control of yourself, and you will only achieve that the authorities will soon impose a curfew.
Empty shelves, no toilet paper and a ban on mass gatherings - add regular blackouts and no hot water here, and you have my Soviet childhood. I have been preparing for this since birth. And here are my tips for coping with the scarcity caused by the coronavirus epidemic.
1. If you see a queue - get into it
It doesn't matter what they sell - hand sanitizer, handkerchiefs, pasta, or tickets to a concert for the only band still touring Europe. As my grandmother used to say, there would be nothing to stand for, there would be no queue. Stock up on durable items such as pasta, rice, canned vegetables and fruits, and legumes and oatmeal. Your freezer is your bread and butter. Literally! This is where bread and butter should be stored. Powdered milk is also your friend.
Don't need toilet paper right now? Will be needed soon, especially if your employer transfers you to remote work. However, if you still do not have enough toilet paper….
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2. Improvise
If life in the USSR taught me anything, it is that if there is a newspaper, there is toilet paper. There are books - there is toilet paper. There is tap water - there is toilet paper. Even if there are leaves on the trees outside the window, it means there is toilet paper.
No hand sanitizer? The hardware store is likely to have denatured alcohol (or - remember the good old traditions - just use regular soap). No handkerchiefs? Cut the old sheet into a hundred small squares. No diapers? Towels will do. Don't know how to cook? Frozen vegetables and a bouillon cube make a very nutritious soup. If you fail here too, discover the Briton in yourself and eat a can of canned beans.
3. Organize yourself
Friends are especially important when store shelves are empty. Keep in touch, start a WhatsApp chat and tell each other what you need. Expand your circle of acquaintances: you will need people to mine rare goods throughout the city. Have elderly relatives and friends? Give them a call, find out what they need, order it online and arrange delivery - so no shortage can take away their dignity.
4. Make useful contacts
Are you only friends with Eurocrats and government officials? Bad luck. Hospital receptionists, doctors, pharmacists and shopkeepers are friends who can help you through these difficult times. Friends who will tell you when the goods are delivered, friends who will hide a package of handkerchiefs or a bottle of disinfectant gel for you, friends who have something to exchange. By the way, about the exchange …
5. Know the value of things
Cash is no longer important. Realize the true value of familiar things. When there is money, but not enough goods, sometimes even the cheapest things turn out to be the most valuable.
6. Avoid the crowd
Except in the vital lines, avoid large crowds. Aside from the obvious health risks, what do you get when crowds of sleepy, stressed, coffee-deficient people appear on the streets? You get a riot. And you hardly want to be in a crowd when water cannons are pointed at it.
7. Use your imagination
So, your romantic trip to Italy most likely fell through. We Soviet people did not go anywhere at all - except for those who had very influential friends who could do all the necessary paperwork - so we used our imagination. Throw frozen pizza in the oven, watch a series about the mafia - and you are almost in Naples.
8. Don't forget to laugh
Empty shelves drive you into depression. A pandemic is scary. So laugh whenever you get the chance.
Author: Zoya Sheftalovich