The first kind: someone attacks me or treats me unfairly, and I react with anger and anger. Thanks to this kind of anger, I can defend myself and insist on my own. That kind of anger is positive, it promotes my actions and makes me strong. It is valid and consistent with the cause that caused it. This anger disappears as soon as it reaches its goal.
The second type: a person is angry because he notices that he failed to take what he could or should have taken, or because he did not demand what he could or should have required, or because he did not begged for what could or should have begged.
Instead of insisting on his own and taking what he lacks, he is angry with those people from whom he did not demand it, or did not take it, or did not beg, despite the fact that he could and should have it from them take, demand, beg.
Such anger is a substitute for one's own actions and the result of not being fulfilled. She paralyzes, weakens and often owns us for a very long time.
Such anger can arise as a defense against one's own feelings of love - instead of expressing love, a person is angry with those they love.
Such anger originates in childhood in the event that it was caused by an interrupted movement towards a loved one. Later, in similar situations, childhood experiences are automatically repeated and receive their strength from that initial interruption.
The third type: we are angry with someone because we have upset him in some way, but we do not want to admit it. With this anger, we try to protect ourselves from the consequences of our guilt by placing it on another.
This kind of anger is avoiding responsibility for our actions in relation to others. It allows us to remain inactive, paralyzes and weakens.
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The fourth kind: someone gives me so much good and important that I can never pay for it. It is difficult to endure, and then I defend myself against my benefactor and his gifts by reacting with anger.
Such anger is expressed in reproaches, for example, of children towards their parents. It becomes a substitute for balancing "take" and "give", paralyzes and leaves a person devastated or manifests itself in depression - the other side of reproaches.
In addition, it is expressed in the form of prolonged mourning and sadness arising from the separation or divorce of partners, the death of loved ones or friends in the event that we are still in debt to those who died, or those with whom we parted, in the sense that we should have taken something from them that we had a right to, or we should have been grateful for their gifts, or, as with the third kind of anger, accept our own guilt and its consequences.
Fifth kind: some are possessed by anger that they have adopted from others and for the sake of these others. For example, if one of the group members suppresses anger, after a while another member of the same group (most often the weakest, who has no reason for this) begins to show anger.
In families, this weak member is the child. When, for example, the mother is angry with her father, but suppresses this anger in herself, one of the children begins to outwardly show anger towards the father.
On the other hand, the weakest member of the group is not only a carrier, but also a target for the anger of others. If a subordinate is angry with his boss, but restrains himself, he often takes his anger out on the weakest member of the organization; when the husband is angry with his wife, but suppresses the anger, then the child suffers instead of the mother.
Often, anger is transferred not only from one “target” to another - for example, from a mother to a child - but also from a strong member of the group to a weaker one.
So, for example, the daughter transfers the anger taken over from the mother to the father not to the father himself, but to someone else who is on the same level with her, for example, to her own husband. As for groups in general, the adopted anger is directed not at the strongest member of the group - the true "target" for this anger (for example, the leader), but at one of its weak members, who then becomes the scapegoat for that leader.
The carriers of the adopted anger are simply beside themselves with anger … and at the same time they are proud and consider themselves right; but their anger and the resulting actions are fed by extraneous energy and someone else's right. Therefore, the carriers of anger remain weak, and their efforts are in vain. But the victims of the adopted anger also feel strong and right, because they know that they are suffering unjustly; however, they remain weak and suffer in vain.
Sixth kind: there is also anger, which is virtue and activity. It is a waking energy focused on finding a way out of a difficult situation, which courageously and knowingly directs the struggle against the heavy and powerful forces of fate.
This kind of anger is emotionless. If necessary, the bearer of this anger harms the one at whom it is directed, but does so without fear and negative intentions towards him.
In this case, anger is aggression as pure energy. This is the result of a lot of exercise and discipline. Anyone who owns such anger uses it without making any effort. The most striking expression of such anger is strategic action.
"Orders of Love" by Bert Hellinger