In some Arab families, choosing a bridegroom for a girl is the right and duty of her parents. A girl must respect the opinion of her elders and observe traditions, even if she does not want to marry the man her family has chosen. But some find a way out of a predicament. Four Arab women talked about what they did to avoid marriage.
Mary, 25, Syria
“After my parents divorced, I moved into the house of my aunt, who lived with her husband and their three sons, who were like brothers to me. When I turned 19, my aunt suddenly decided it was time for me to get married. She chose her middle son as my fiancé, who was a year older and studied at the same university as me. Of course, I was against this marriage, but my aunt was not interested in my opinion. Her son Amjad did not want to marry me either, because he had a girlfriend, but he could not go against his mother."
“I tried to convince my parents to intervene, but they didn't listen to me. I had only one choice - to tell my aunt that Amjad had secretly married his girlfriend. My brother's beloved agreed to play along with me. Together we forged the marriage certificate and my aunt believed in our story. Then she insisted on meeting her son’s wife, whom she made a favorable impression on. Amjad had no idea of our deception until he met his mother. Fortunately, he played up to us believably. A few months later, I moved in with my mother, and Amjad and his girlfriend got married for real."
Miral, 26, Palestine
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“When I found out that my parents had found a fiancé for me, I decided to make the guy refuse me himself. He told me that he hated the smell of cigarettes and I started smoking. He said he loved long hair and I got myself a haircut. He shared with me his passion for classical music, and I made him listen to songs by contemporary artists. When he said that he dreamed of having a big family, I told him that I hate children."
“But, unfortunately, despite my efforts, he continued to assure me that he loved me the way I am. I realized that he wanted to marry me so that after the wedding he could do everything his own way and forcibly change my habits. I had to find a way to end it immediately, once and for all. I activated my old Facebook account, changed my username and uploaded photos of my friend model from Romania. On behalf of another girl, I sent him flirty messages and once said that I knew everything about his correspondence with another girl. For some time after our separation, I kept in touch with him as Emma, but I had to interrupt our communication when he invited me to video chat."
Asma, 35, Jordan
“I was born into a large traditional family. Growing up, I had a difficult relationship with my mother - she was strict, irritable and seemed to disapprove of anything I did. When I left home and went to university, I began to spend a lot of time with friends and started an affair with a guy. When my parents found out about my relationship, they decided to marry me off."
“One day, my mom and sister took me to dinner to meet a woman who was looking for a bride for her rich son who lived in America. My mom got very angry when I turned down the offer. She accused me of losing my virginity and said that this was the only explanation for my refusal. Unfortunately, my father believed her and they forbade me to return to the university."
“My brother told my parents that he met the guy they wanted to marry me to, and he was drunk and used swear words. It was a lie, but my mother believed my brother's words and gave up the idea of marrying me to him. But they still wouldn't let me go back to university. After my boyfriend finished his studies, he proposed to me. My parents refused him several times, but in the end they agreed to the marriage."
Dahlia, 32, Egypt
“My father was never worried about my personal life, but my mother was always trying to find me a groom. I thought that after I went to university, my parents would understand that I was an adult who was in charge of my life. But one day my mother surprised me when she said that she had found me a husband and that his family was going to meet me."
“After a long argument, I agreed to meet the guy and his family, but I decided to teach my mom a lesson. For the meeting with the groom, I donned the worst clothes I could find, and I put on inept makeup. I entered the living room with a tray on which I carried the worst coffee in the world. When my father tasted the drink, his face flushed and he tried to hold back a laugh. My mom started rubbing her hands nervously, showing off a fake smile that I knew all too well."
“After the groom and his family left, I went to my father and asked him to protect me from my mother. My mom was furious, but dad told her to leave me alone so I could focus on my studies."
Marriages in Russia
Let's take a short excursion into history. In Russia, it was believed that no one could choose the perfect bride better than the older family members. Young people trusted their relatives and respected their choice. Chaste girls with good health, hardworking and able to do housework were especially appreciated. Marriages among the Slavs were strong - the spouses honored each other until old age.
Modern Russia
In modern Russia, most families trust their children to choose a soul mate. But arranged marriages are still being contracted in the Caucasus. Some families are more liberal, but there are also strict parents who seek to enter into a beneficial union so that their children are happy and live in prosperity. Even if at the beginning of marriage there are no feelings between the young, over time they are imbued with deep respect and sympathy for each other.
Girls brought up in Muslim traditions are trained almost from childhood to marry. They are taught to respect and honor their elders, take care of their spouse, and look after the home. A Muslim wife from a traditional family is the dream of every Caucasian man who honors the precepts of his ancestors and the traditions of his native land.
Do you think arranged marriages are acceptable?
Makarova Svetlana