What associations do you have with the word "addiction"? A degraded alcoholic, pale as a shadow, a drug addict, a man with a maniacal gleam in his eyes, ready to pawn all property and even his own life for the sake of a ghostly gain … Well, of course, such characters can hardly be called people of free will. But these are not even the most difficult, perhaps only the most striking cases of pathological addiction.
For that matter, we are all far from free beings. Our life depends on the availability of food and drink, on air and atmospheric pressure, the laws of physics and the state of the environment. To one degree or another, we all need love, sympathy and understanding, depend on money, things, exchange rates, laws and social norms. In addition, we need to spend time interestingly, communicate, and assert ourselves. And so on, and so on. Only all this is not called dependencies, but natural needs (physical, spiritual, social). In extreme cases, desires and hobbies. They talk about addiction only when a person crosses a certain line and … begins to radically differ from others.
But how do you define this fine line? Where does love end and painful attachment begin? When does an innocent hobby become an insane passion? At what point do desires turn into compulsive needs? Is a teenager surfing the World Wide Web just killing time or is he addicted to the Internet? Does the cute fat woman eating the tenth donut just like to eat delicious food or suffer from an excessive addiction to sweets? A successful person who visits elite bars every evening - who is he: a connoisseur of fine drinks, or does he not know how to relieve tension in any other way?
The stigma is easiest to put, especially when you don't really want to delve into other people's problems. “My son has a computer addiction,” the agitated mother laments. Meanwhile, it is quite possible that the guy is not interested in spending time with his parents - so he runs away into the world of "shooters" and "walkers".
However, sometimes the "addicts" themselves gladly agree with the "diagnosis": they say, what do you want from a sick person. Especially when there is a corresponding audience around: compassionate, compassionate, all-forgiving. It also happens the other way around: a person is convinced to the last that everything is all right with him, and others close their eyes to his "innocent" oddities …
Medical history
There are many definitions of addiction, pathological attachment, passion, and so on, but most experts agree on one thing: the main symptom of such a state is the so-called "withdrawal". Physical - like a drug addict eager to get another dose, psychological - when you “don't like the world”, if you can't go to your favorite forum, play roulette or take the coveted post of head of the company. And often - both together. First, there is a feeling of emptiness, which cannot be filled with anything else, then there is an obsessive desire to satisfy one's "hunger" by all means. A little more - and your hands are already shaking, your head is splitting, the pressure jumps - even if your attachment has nothing to do with substances harmful to the body. In general, if a dependent person is deprived of his favorite "toy",he becomes incapable of a normal life.
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Although one can hardly call his life normal, even when nothing prevents him from fully surrendering to his passion. Tell me, in your opinion, is it okay to spend all the money you earn in a casino? Waste precious time on empty toys? Live not your own life, but exclusively in the interests of your husband (wife, child, parents, company)? And here, nice and caring citizens are often mistaken, because what from the outside seems absolutely unacceptable, wild, unnatural, in fact, may turn out to be completely innocent and even useful.
Do you think your husband, who every evening with inspiration "wets" computer monsters, suffers from addiction? Imagine what happens if your phone or set-top box suddenly breaks down. Will he walk gloomier than a cloud, or will he find another way to pass the time? If a seriously ill person is deprived of the medication, the result will be very sad. Otherwise, he is not sick at all … Therefore, do not rush to make diagnoses and give "useful" advice. Perhaps your loved ones just do not live the way you would like?
Favorite corn
Let's say that a harmful addiction still takes place, but a person does not recognize it, or else does, but categorically does not want to fight it.
Well, then his hour has not yet come (it is possible that this golden time will never come at all). Trying to heal the poor fellow with soul-saving conversations, to drag him by the hand to the doctor is absolutely useless. Remember the catch phrase: "It is impossible to make happy by force."
A person is cozy and comfortable in this bundle (with a glass of vodka, a deck of cards or a lover), even if this passion seems painful to everyone (and in fact it is).
Take the classic case: the “professional” wife of an alcoholic. It will not be about unfortunate husbands (everything is clear with them, the dependence is obvious, you can’t argue here), but about the “sufferer”. Unhappy not the first time married, but only drunks come across! And the last candidate seemed to be a decent person - and that's it! - again unlucky. What is bad karma? You can say so. Only the fault is not evil fate and not fate-turkey, but the behavior of our heroine. The woman really likes the role of a big mom, who will scold the fool, and feed, and put him to bed. Ideally, it would be good to deprive hubby of the right to vote, the ability to manage money, communicate with friends. Then - do not hesitate - even a teetotaler and ulcer will drink! And she will "carry her cross": how can she leave it? Will disappear … The thought that just the "great martyr" herself will disappear,it does not occur to her. Or the lady simply does not imagine herself in another role, otherwise she would have long ago stopped turning her husband into a big unreasonable child, soldering him with broth - in general, cultivating a bad habit in every possible way.
Another fairly common situation: a young man living in symbiosis with a computer / telephone. Parents are in a panic: they don't get enough sleep, they skip school, they are not interested in girls. In the absence of access to the Internet, the eyes go out, interest in real life tends to zero. In general, the guy disappears … And all because this very life seems uninteresting to him. Parents are bores (or tyrants or losers), classmates are upstarts and mediocrity, school is a swamp, and then it will be even worse. And the young man himself is a trained bespectacled man, whom no one appreciates or understands. So he runs into the virtual world, where you can be anyone, come up with any role and any life.
Ostrich syndrome
As you can see, there are very different dependencies. And people with pathological addictions are completely different from each other. And yet there is something that unites them - the so-called "ostrich syndrome". Slightly wrong - head in the sand. A potentially dependent person runs away from the real world with its disorder, problems that he cannot, and often does not want to solve.
At first, everything looks very innocent: there was a nuisance, I wanted to escape from sad thoughts, pressing worries - so I drank with my friends (I went to the casino, ate Snickers). It happens to everyone? Even psychologists sometimes advise to postpone the solution of the problem for a while, guided by the principle "the morning is wiser than the evening." The question is, will you be able to return to reality or, if you fail again, you will again rush into the world of computer monsters or drug euphoria?
People who are dependent on … other people stand somewhat apart. But this difference is apparent, in fact, the linking mechanism is the same. Here, for example, is a caring mother who gives all her time and energy to children. This is not an alcoholic or a drug addict, not even a glutton or a gambler - just a woman who loves her child selflessly: what could be more natural? Surely you have a couple of such acquaintances. Maybe you even admire them: after all, you yourself, with all your great love for your own children, are not capable of such a "feat". And great! Heroism is always alarming (unless we are talking about extreme circumstances). Tell me, does that same lady have any interests, hobbies? She works? What about her personal life? Most often, such crazy love and care is just an escape from one's own problems. Say, even if my fate did not work out, I will live "for the sake of children."How this story will end, you can probably guess. It is very difficult for children in such families to grow up, as the mother will do her best to prolong their "slider" age. After all, if they grow up, the meaning of her life will disappear …
Self-defense rules
And here we come to a very delicate question: what if someone close to you suffers from addiction? And if you suffer from someone else's addiction? It is good when a person recognizes the problem and is ready to fight it. We can say that there is practically no problem here: in most cases like this, people either cope on their own or ask for help themselves. But, alas, this is not always the case. What to do?
First, as already mentioned, not to get into the soul and not try to "heal": it is useless. Moreover, we found out that the rule "from the outside" does not work here. Secondly, you must do everything so that your interests are not infringed, your boundaries are not violated. Let's say your teenage son starts smoking and you don't like his new habit at all. Of course, the parental duty is to educate the offspring about the dangers of nicotine. Although he is probably aware of all the possible consequences, but, alas, this does not stop him.
Well, then your job is to defend your own borders. Smoker not working yet? Great: we are significantly reducing his pocket expenses. Do you smoke at home? Then there should be no exception for him. And so on.
A more difficult case: they are trying to manipulate you, hiding behind a “disease”: “If you leave me, I will not survive”, “If you don’t give money for vodka, I will die under the fence”. In no case should you succumb to provocations: this way you will only exacerbate the problem, and you yourself will find yourself in a vicious circle. The only thing that can be done is to offer the help of specialists: a psychologist, a narcologist, an ambulance, in the end. Doesn't want to? Well, his right. Unable to refuse the sufferer? That's your business. But keep in mind: you are entering a game that will be oh so difficult to get out of!