I understand and feel them very well. Once I graduated from the Faculty of Mathematics, raved about psychology, and got a job as a manager. It seemed to me that psychology could not be my job (I don’t know anything, I don’t know how, there is no money in this area).
I didn't want to connect my life with mathematics either - and so I devoted five years of my life to its detailed study. The HR manager was a compromise. A deal with conscience and dream.
This compromise did not make me happy. After work, I again ran (or rather, flew) to my psychologists. And when I met my husband, I gave up this profession and career.
I've always had many different interests and hobbies. I liked a lot. But not for long. So I managed to go to school in all the circles. For two to three weeks. And I just couldn't find my place. Where I liked it was "unpromising" according to my mother. That which was promising evoked nothing but disgust.
And so it went on for a long time.
After the children were born, I wanted to rest. Rest from everyday life. I wanted some kind of self-realization. And I thought for a long time - what to do?
For example, one could become a Feng Shui consultant. It's monetary and interesting. But not enough to read books about it at night and come up with new options.
A children's clothing store could be opened. I think I could do it. But I would be bored.
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Etc. I had many options. Different. But not one soul sang.
Now I understand that I chose the wrong one. That I immediately tried to find what I like, and that it would cost some money.
Now, when my children are growing up, I understand that a lot is laid down precisely at this age. And that's what I want to talk about today. About those myths that prevent us from raising children and developing ourselves. That get in the way between us and our calling.
This applies not only to our children, but also to us. And it's never too late to start thinking about it.
Myth 1. You need to tighten what is bad
Remember the pictures of your childhood - or the childhood of friends. Let's say there is a boy who loves mathematics, but has big problems with the Russian language. Before graduation and admission, parents hire a tutor. What subject?
Ordinary parents will choose Russian and begin to tighten it up hard. And the child will devote many hours a week to what he does not like and is not given.
What for? Are we supposed to be geniuses in everything? But this is exactly what parents want.
Imagine another option. You can hire a tutor … in math! But does it seem to be so good with her? And you can go deeper into what you love. And win olympiads, for example. And then it's easy to enter the Faculty of Mathematics. Etc.
At the university, I worked as a tutor. I studied mathematics and English with students. And all my students hated the subjects that I gave them. I tried to instill in them, if not love, then at least sympathy. But it was useless.
I still remember a seventh grader whose mother was unhappy with a C in his algebra class. He regularly ran away from school - that is, I came, but he was not at home. Mom was cursing. She left her friends to watch over him. Useless. At the same time, we had good contact with him. And to my honest question - what is happening, he answered honestly.
“I love hockey. Until the 7th grade, I played in the regional team, then I was called to the city team. But then my mother got overwhelmed that it was time to take up her mind. Stop waving the club, it's time to get fives. And she stopped paying for classes. I hate math. Because of her, I lost the most important thing in my life"
Is this kink? Yes, it is possible. But there are such excesses all around.
Our oldest kid has problems with speech. Therefore, at one time he worked with a speech therapist for 2-3 hours every day. Everyday. He was very tired, but we did not retreat.
There is a positive moment in this, and there is a shift, and a lot of positive things. If not for one observation. His biggest developmental leap occurs after the summer vacation. On the sea. Where he swims a lot and with pleasure. He likes to swim. He is ready to sit at sea all day.
But in the city for some reason we have time and money for speech therapists, but there is neither one nor the other for the pool. More precisely, it was not.
Now we decided to formulate his schedule and rhythm of life differently. We have given up on routine exhausting activities in favor of what he loves and what he does. And progress went in broader steps.
We often do the same with ourselves. We write lists of our shortcomings and start working on them. We get rid of our features, weaknesses, and so on.
Then how can you start by seeing your strengths - and leverage them even further. This process, believe me, is millions of times more pleasant and efficient.
Myth 2. You should only do what you can earn
My husband is a very creative person. He loves to play the guitar, plays basketball. But until now, he sometimes comes up with the conviction that it is not worth doing this, because you cannot earn a living from this.
If this idea was adhered to by Michael Jordan, Fabio Cannavaro, Lara Fabian - and other talented people, then there would not be many wonderful things and events in the world.
Even if a hobby doesn't become a source of money making, it will provide a lot of inspiration and creative energy. From doing what we love, we are charged like batteries. And it is much easier to keep the balance sheets for an accountant who decoupage on different surfaces on Sunday evenings.
You need to do what your hands, heart, head reach for. For example, I cannot help but write. Although I never thought that this could earn anything. And my husband plays basketball well and sings sincerely. It doesn't make him money. But it gives relaxation and inspiration for the rest of the activity.
Many of my friends just did what they love - knitting, embroidering, sewing, weaving mandalas … And suddenly this "hobby" became the main business of their lives. If, of course, the word "suddenly" is appropriate here. Because every day before that "suddenly" they were doing what they love and put their soul into it. Not for the money. And just like that.
Myth 3. Something will grow by itself
There are parents who believe that they do not need anything beyond the usual program. There is a school - and it is normal. If you love football, there is physical education for that. I like math - sit and solve examples. If you like to read, go to the library.
On the one hand, it develops independence. But on the other hand, the child lacks support.
Any child, doing something, immediately looks at dad and mom. And if they haven't shown joy or pride (or something distant similar), there are usually two options. Stop doing this. Or continue to prove.
Too many give up. They do not give up on sharp comments or difficulties. Simply because they don't feel supported.
You don't have to invest big money. Much more valuable is your attention and time. After all, you can pay for the football section and buy the coolest boots. Or you can go to the stadium in the yard to cheer for your child on weekends. And the first option is not always better. Rather, the opposite is true.
We often treat ourselves the same way. Let the talents manifest themselves, let our work find itself. Let Santa Claus fall from the sky and give five hundred popsicles. But God has no hands other than ours. And if we spat on ourselves, buried our own talents in the ground - then who is to blame?
Myth 4. It's too late. Time is lost.
Let's say you realize that you have been going in the wrong direction for a long time. What to do? Give up? After all, half of life is already behind … In no case!
After all, then the second half of life will be wasted. It's great that you figured it out today, not forty years later. You still have time, opportunities, chances.
Remember, it's never too late. Until your hour has struck, while you are still alive, it is not too late.
I remember a story about a woman who dreamed of becoming a doctor all her life. But she dropped out of school in her youth because of work. She needed to earn money, and studying did not fit into her life. Then she gave birth to children - four in a row. Then she raised them. And then it seemed to her that it was too late….
But at sixty, she plucked up the courage and went back to college. It was difficult for her to study with young people, but there was not a single classmate who did not respect her.
She graduated from college, university. And she became the most wonderful doctor. Until she was 85, she helped people and felt whole.
Was it easy for her at 60 to study with twenty-year-olds? I doubt it. Did she have fears on the topic: "Who needs me so old?" Probably yes. But was the result worth the pain? Absolutely yes.
It's never too late. Don't give up on yourself and your path. Do not betray the most precious thing you have.
Develop and improve what you like
Do what you love, not look for a profitable business
Do not abandon yourself and your calling!
We will also talk about this at the course "Finally Start Your New Life".
I wish every person in the world to find their own path and their own business.
Olga Valyaeva