How many times do we need to step on a rake before we understand that the most important thing for a man is when a beloved woman accepts him for who he is?
However, we firmly believe that we can and must remake our partner. Unfortunately, it is this desire that leads to most conflicts in family life. And every time we are faced with exactly this at all stages of the relationship.
For example, when meeting a potential dream man, we intuitively believe that some of his character traits, his personality traits, his qualities clearly do not coincide with the qualities that we want to see in our beloved and it is possible that we may not even be able to get along with him in the future. … But this does not stop us, but on the contrary, we ignore these signals and close our eyes to many things. Some unconsciously, and some consciously say to themselves: “Yes, now he is just like that. But I know that next to me he will definitely change as soon as he finds himself in the arms of my love. Yes, we often think that it will be so.
When we are already married, we continue to live with the illusion that it is he who should change, but not me. Trying to change a man, we resort to various kinds of manipulations, forcing a man to correspond to our ideals and fantasies. What's going on?
A man develops a clear conviction and a feeling that he is not wanted, he is not perfect, he is not a winner in the world of winners. This tactic of ours leads to the fact that the man moves away from us. Our desire to redo it worsens relationships, leads to discord and quarrels. A man feels unworthy, he feels that he is not loved. And even more precisely, that they do not believe in him and do not appreciate him, which means that they do not love him.
As practice shows, the probability of a person's change is small. Undoubtedly, each of us has the potential to change ourselves, BUT, this is an independent personal choice of each person.
That is why I want to warn you, dear reader: any desire to remake another person leads to suffering and disappointment.
To prevent this from happening, it is important to remember: any man can change, and he changes when we change. No wonder they say: "If you want to change the world around you, start with yourself!" This is a golden saying. If you change, the world will change. Tested on myself and more than once.
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Still, why are women so eager to change their partner?
The most common reason is the belief: "My happiness is outside, or a man should make me happy." Do you think so too?
Thinking this way, our attitude towards a man becomes similar to our attitude towards things or objects of property that are supposed to make us happy. Therefore, so that our happiness does not go anywhere, we begin to control it, manipulate it, do everything to get what we want, so that a person does what we want. Then everything becomes quite understandable.
As soon as my soul mate interferes with my path to happiness, in other words, the actions of my beloved do not coincide with my expectations, I instantly change my attitude towards him and regard him as an obstacle in my path. Then greed, anger, aggression, and frustration overtake me.
If you think carefully, then a man helps us to become not happy, but happier. That's a big difference, isn't it?
If you want your family life to fail and fail, please put pressure on your man and try to remake him every second in every possible way. Continue to associate your happiness with his behavior and his actions.
If you want a harmonious and healthy relationship, then give up the thought that “I will be happy only when my man stops behaving the way I don’t like. I will be happy only when my man changes and starts doing the way I want. Living with such thoughts, happiness, alas, you will not see. Because happiness is within you. Here and now.
Remember, dear: your happiness does not depend on the actions of other people, it depends only on you. Stop waiting for him to change, change yourself!
I ask you to think about it and still accept your man as he is. At the same time, try to behave as if he is ALREADY the best. Remember that a man feels loved and needed only when he is accepted for who he is and believes that he can become better if he himself so wishes. And I, as a woman who loves him, do not insist, but simply believe that he can become better and give him freedom of choice. And then I accept his choice.
Sweetheart, acceptance is recognizing that people are imperfect. Acceptance is recognition that each of us has strengths and weaknesses. Your man, like you, has flaws, but focus on his merits, and then your love will become stronger.
A wise woman changes herself, a stupid one wants to change others.
Elizaveta Guryanova
