In the Japanese practice of Zazen, monks get up every day, come to the same brick wall, squat down next to it and do the same exercise - thinking about what their own "I" is. They have been doing this for 20 and 30 years in a row.
American psychologist Edward Tory Higgins created the theory of self-inconsistency. According to Higgins' theory, it is the discrepancy between our three ideas about ourselves: "Ideal Self", "Expected Self" or "Real Self" that leads to anxiety, melancholy or depression.
- Ideal I”is the person we want to become by fulfilling our hopes and ambitions.
- The “expected self” is our idea of how others want to see us and how we should look and act in order to live up to it. And we feel anxiety and anxiety if we do not fulfill our duties and responsibilities.
- "Real or real I" or the idea of a person about himself. A person cannot but have his own point of view. There is no this "point", there is no him.
The psychologist found out that unrealized opportunities affect mental well-being and health.
In 1985, Alex Michalos expanded on Higgins' theory and added that people feel frustrated for two more reasons:
- If during their life they have acquired and accumulated not as many (or not more) resources than those whom they consider important persons (inconsistency in social comparison);
- If at one stage of their life they have access to a larger volume of resources, but subsequently lose it (inconsistency in comparison with the past);
But still, it is the full realization by a person of his abilities and potential that can make him truly happy. If this does not happen, then there is a desire to run away from oneself. This can manifest itself in the fact that the person sleeps too much, takes drugs, or even thinks about suicide.
According to the escape theory, this is preceded by several stages:
1. A person realizes the discrepancy between the standards he has set for himself and reality. He is disappointed in himself and feels like a failure.
Promotional video:
2. The person explains the failure by his own shortcomings and mistakes, and not by changing circumstances.
3. He constantly evaluates his actions and actions, because of which his negative attitude towards himself only intensifies.
4. The person refuses the goals set earlier, and ceases to see the meaning in anything.
So what to do to prevent this from happening and how to realize your dreams and desires?
The famous psychologist Karl Rogers, describing self-actualization, compared a person to a flower that is limited by its habitat. The psychologist believed that each person is naturally good internally, and external limitations and low self-esteem make him destructive.
The psychologist argued that only the person himself reliably knows how to understand the world around him and that no goals imposed from the outside will make him happy. If others accept a person as he is, especially parents, then in this case he will not be afraid to make mistakes and try something new.
He will not be dominated by his "Expected Self", he will not strive to achieve a goal, only in order to receive a reward in the form of approval and love.
Is our "Ideal Self" attainable? No. Then why create it and strive for it? In order not to be manipulated, so that other people's values do not appear in the place of our “Ideal Self”, and because it is during this process that the work of creating a soul takes place.
Author: Viktorya Nekrasova
