If you think everyone is disgusting, you might be the problem, says Eric Schwitzgebel, professor of philosophy at the University of California, Riverside and author of The Mysteries of Consciousness.
Here's what you most likely didn't do this morning: look in the mirror and ask yourself - am I an asshole?
The question sounds reasonable. There are real assholes in the world, and many of them have a rather high opinion of their moral qualities - well, or at least not bad. They do not consider themselves to be assholes because this self-awareness is not easy.
For example, people say they are talkative. Being talkative is more or less okay, being reserved is more or less okay, and either way, the degree of your talkativeness is pretty obvious to everyone else. Self-esteem for talkativeness usually corresponds to the assessment of others and objective assessments. At the same time, creativity, for example, is a much more evaluatively loaded trait - who does not consider himself creative? It is also much more difficult to assess. According to the Wazir model, there is a low correlation between self-esteem, the assessment of others, and the attempts of psychologists to give an objective assessment of creativity.
The question "Am I really a real arrogant asshole?" is very evaluatively loaded, therefore you are extremely motivated to receive a convenient and desired answer: "No, of course not!" Also, the property of being an asshole is not overtly noticeable, so you have enough room to interpret the evidence in a way that suits you: "Well, yes, I was a little rude to the bartender, but she deserved it because she forgot to pour me a double dose."
I suspect that there is no correlation between how people think they are asshole and the actual degree of their asshole. Some especially arrogant assholes may realize that they are assholes, others may consider themselves handsome. Some real cuties are fully aware of how wonderful they are, while others have a very low opinion of their moral qualities.
There is another obstacle to self-awareness as an asshole: we do not fully understand the essence of the concept - at least not yet. There is no official scientific definition that covers the full range of common use of the term "asshole" to a guy who cuts you off on the road; a teacher who casually humiliates students; and a colleague who turns any meeting into a showdown.
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Narcissists consider themselves to be more significant than those around them, which is clearly or implicitly characteristic of assholes. Yet narcissism is not quite that, as it also implies a desire to be the center of attention, which is not always the case with assholes. People with Machiavellian traits tend to treat those around them as tools that they can use to their advantage - assholes do that too. And yet this is also not quite the same thing, since Machiavellianism implies conscious cynicism, while assholes are often unaware of their selfish aspirations. People with psychopathic traits are selfish and heartless - just like assholes, but they are still prone to impulsive and risky behavior, while an asshole can be calculating and careful.
Another related concept is the concept of scum, recently outlined by the philosopher Aaron James of the University of California, Irvine.
You can be an asshole and act arrogant and rude, even if this does not give you any special advantages.
With so many obstacles in the way, what should a would-be asshole do if he wants to give himself a correct assessment?
The first step to solving a problem is to define more clearly for yourself what it is like to be an asshole. I believe that madness should be recognized as a category worthy of full-fledged scientific research. The word "asshole" is capacious and useful. It describes a very real phenomenon that does not fit into any other psychological concept. Assholes are people who criminally do not value the interests of others, treating other people as tools for manipulation or fools, and not as equals in temper and reason. To be an asshole means in a sense to be ignorant - not knowing the value of other people, the significance of their thoughts and plans, neglecting their desires and opinions, not forgiving their seeming inferiority.
When you're an asshole, a waiter in a restaurant is not a potentially interesting person with a unique personality, biography, and goals that may be close to you. He's just a tool to provide you with food, or a low-paid fool to get angry at.
To complement our concept of muda, it is helpful to also consider the opposite, milah. You probably know a couple of such people - they are attentive to the needs and interests of other people, worried about the thoughts and preferences of others, and in the event of a conflict, they are ready to admit that they are to blame, and not the other side.
Probably, there are no clean assholes or clean cuties. Several decades of research in psychology has shown that almost everyone is a complex mix of traits and is influenced by many changing factors. But where exactly are you on the scale from asshole to cute? And also in what situations and in relation to what people? Perhaps nothing better defines your moral character than the degree of asshole. This is a key behavior towards others.
There are two obstacles on the way to realizing your muddiness.
As soon as you begin to be tormented by fear and shame about the likely ugly behavior towards someone, at this very moment, due to these torments themselves, you recognize the legitimacy of this person's interests and values, perceive him as a person with moral rights in relation to you, not as a tool or a fool. And here you, at least for a moment, stop being an asshole.
Oddly enough, it is the cuties who are most worried about the fact that they could behave like assholes - it is they who then, blushing, come to you with an apology for their not such and terrible behavior. On the contrary, nothing is so alien to the inveterate asshole as the ability to apologize and blush with shame.
Of course, if you console yourself with this thought and think, "Well, since I'm worried if I'm an asshole, and even now I'm reading an article on this very topic, then I'm really not an asshole!" and therefore you stop worrying, exactly at this moment you again easily risk turning into an asshole.
Probably one of the most important ways to become moral is to listen openly to criticism of your moral character by others. It's not easy for an asshole. Since the asshole is not inclined to regard others as equals in intelligence or moral character, he rarely takes criticism constructively. How can you take what an instrument or a dumbass is telling you seriously? Why rely on their critical vision of you? Most likely, the asshole will reject criticism, attack you himself, begin to carry heresy, rush away in a rage - or smile and shoot.
But the asshole, by nature, does not hear the voice of conscience.
If the essence of muddiness is the inability to take into account the interests of other people, then there is another, non-obvious, way to self-realization - to look not at yourself, but at others. Instead of staring at the mirror, turn away from it and pay attention to the colors in which the world is painted.
If you see the world like this all the time, I have bad news for you. Most people do not see the world like that, and in reality the world is not like that. You have a perverse perception. By all accounts, you are an asshole.