Let's look at the psychosomatic symptom as a violation of external and internal communication, in which the body is used as a mediator.
Why a game?
Consider a psychosomatic symptom as a component of a game in which the body is unconsciously involved. The bodily symptom in this game acts as a mediator between the I and the real Other, or between the I and the alienated aspects of I (not-I).
These are psychosomatic games in which the body loses (surrenders, sacrifices) I for some purpose.
Who are the participants in this game?
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I am not-I (Another person or a rejected part of I), body. In a psychosomatic symptom, the Other is always present: whether significant, generalized, I am like the Other.
When do we hide behind our body and resort to psychosomatic play? When we do not have the courage to face the Other and ourselves to the other. As a result, we avoid direct communication and hide behind our bodies.
Some of the more common uses of the body for communication are:
- We are ashamed to refuse the Other. How many of you will not remember a situation in which you, while maintaining loyalty to others, did not refer to any bodily illness or malaise in order to refuse them? This method, I must say, does not lead to a symptom, if it triggers a person's experience of guilt, conscience - “do you need to do something with your tarnished image?” A psychosomatic symptom arises precisely when it is difficult for a person to recognize and accept the “bad” aspects of his Self. He has some kind of ailment “not for excuse,” but for real.
- We are afraid to refuse the Other. The other is a real danger and the forces are unequal. For example, in cases of parent-child relationships, when it is difficult for a child to oppose his desires to adults.
If we do not want something, but at the same time are afraid to declare it openly, then we can use our body - we “surrender” it in a psychosomatic game.
We “surrender” our body when
- We want peace in the family: "If only everything was calm" - the position of the cat Leopold;
- We do not want (we are afraid) to say “No” to someone; -
- We want (again, we are afraid) so that God forbid they don't think badly about us: “We must keep our face!”;
- We are afraid / ashamed to ask for something for ourselves, believing that others should guess for themselves;
- In general, we are afraid to change anything in our life.
In the end, we do nothing and wait, wait, wait … Hoping that something will happen to us in a wonderful way. It does happen, but it looks not wonderful at all, and sometimes deadly.
Psychosomatic client
A good and simple solution for the psychosomatic client is to deal with their projective fears and try to establish direct communication. But the psychosomatic client does things differently. He is not looking for easy ways. He is too intelligent and educated for this. He chooses body language for communication, avoiding aggression in every possible way.
"Tolerate, be silent and leave" - this is his slogan in problematic situations of interaction. For such clients, it is more important to preserve their fragile world, their dear ideal self-image, their illusory stability.
What to do?
Here is some scheme for working with a client presenting a psychosomatic symptom as a request.
- First, you need to understand the manipulative nature of behavior patterns;
- To realize those needs that are met in such a symptomatic way;
- Become aware of those feelings (fears, shame, guilt), or introjects that trigger manipulative behavior; -
- To live these fears. What happens if this happens?
- Try another method of contact. To master the possibility of dialogue between the I and the symptom.
As a rule, the essence of working with a symptom is the ability to establish a dialogue between the self and the symptom, and in this dialogue to hear the symptom as one of the aspects of your alienated self and "negotiate" with it.
- What does the symptom want to tell you?
- What is the symptom silent about?
- What does he need?
- What is he missing?
- What warns against?
- How does he help you?
- What does he want to change in your life?
- Why does he want to change it?
The client agrees with the symptom to be attentive to its message and makes a promise to fulfill the condition under which the disease will go away.