Ned Kelly is a legendary Australian bushranger (robber living in the wilderness). He threw parties with his own hostages, allowed them to drink and dance, and even showed them acrobatic acts. He was an anarchist and a poet. He forged bulletproof armor in which he fought with constables. He became a popular avenger after he was literally grabbed by his naked balls during his arrest. His story is a terrific comedy adventure full of absurdity. But films about him for some reason are always full of dreary drama. It's time to fix that and tell the true story of the Kelly gang!
How did Ned Kelly's story begin as a robber, anarchist and extravagant gentleman? Three mind-bogglingly stupid events pushed him into the bushranger path. Firstly, back in Ireland, long before the birth of Kelly, his dad was sent to an Australian hard labor for stealing two half-dead pigs. Secondly, Constable Lonigan once grabbed Ned by the bare balls - in the truest sense of the word (that's how the colonial police worked!). Third, Ned's mother Kelly was jailed for beating a drunken constable Fitzpatrick with a shovel. For such stupidity, the poor old woman spent so much time in prison that they managed to catch Ned himself faster than she left. The police spat into Kelly's very soul, giving birth to the greatest bushranger of their era. But first things first.
How Ned Kelly grew up without a father, became a boxing champion - and then they took him by the balls
Ned Kelly's dad got to Australia on a free flight: he stole two pigs from his Ireland, for which he received five years in prison in Tasmania. After serving his due, he went out and became known under the nickname Red: he took up gold mining, profited almost everything on brothels and drunkenness, but enough for a dowry. A happy family life did not work out: having spawned eight children with his future widow, Red again ended up in hard labor. This time on a front case - allegedly for stealing a calf. Returning from the second trip, Ned's father fell ill, began to drink like a damned thing - and died of dropsy. Ned Kelly stayed behind as the oldest man in the family when he was 12.
Ned Kelly at 15.
At the age of 14, Ned Kelly beat up a Chinese butcher for giving his sister water from a muddy stream. At 15, he mated with a tough guy, outlaw and bushranger named Richard Power, who became his mentor. Together, they stole livestock, tied tracks in the bush, escaped constables, knocked money out of debtors, and spent it in Victoria's wildest saloons and brothels. In general, by the standards of 19th century Australia, Power replaced Ned's father. It is all the more offensive that when Richard was still caught, a rumor spread around the district that it was baby Kelly who turned him in. They stopped shaking hands with him, and prostitutes in brothels stopped serving him. Think of yourself at 15, you would surely annoy you too. Nevertheless, he also served his couple of weeks for aiding a dangerous criminal, and later it turned out that Power was turned in by Ned's uncle. Judas received a huge amount of money at that time - 500 pounds - but from then until the end of his life he did not part with a rifle, even while sleeping and going to the toilet.
Richard Power.
Promotional video:
The capture of Richard Power.
At the age of 16, Kelly sat down for the first and last time for a long time. And because of such stupidity! One day, the husband of his sister, a staid businessman Mr. Wright, came to visit the Kelly family. Wright, like half of Australia, was engaged in cattle stealing and other noble deeds. While he was visiting, his horse ran away and had to be found in the bush. Wright was hospitably given another mare so he could get home. A little later, his horse was found, and Ned rode it to a relative to return. During the trip, he was stopped by a constable, who thought that Kelly had simply stolen her. A skirmish began and Kelly piled hard on the policeman. True, the witnesses who were standing nearby rushed to help, helped to tie up Ned, and the constable so finished him with his pistol, like a club, that instead of a face there was a solid bloody mess.
Ned Kelly served his three years in hard labor and returned as a completely wild, unbridled and full of strength man. All these years, he not only worked hard, but also learned to box, and the very first thing he did upon arrival was to summon the very Wright, whose mare he allegedly stole, to a duel. It was not a simple fight - everything was arranged with fanfare. The fight took place at the Imperial Hotel in Beechworth. A decent crowd of people gathered: from a respectable audience in bowlers, to bushrangers swollen from dropsy. Ned finished a relative like a cutlet. We fought without gloves, but stood for 20 rounds. And what's funny is that the battered Wright, half of his teeth missing by the end of the match, became Kelly's most dedicated fan. And Ned was crowned that night as the unofficial county boxing champion.
Ned Kelly before the fight.
It is not surprising that from such a success, yesterday's convict Ned went on a spree and began to freak out. Once he was arrested for running drunk on the lawns in the same Bichuert. Kelly was detained by four constables, but he was able to escape and escaped, hiding in a shoemaker's shop. When the police overtook him there, the strangest and most embarrassing fight ensued that century. One of the constables, Thomas Lonigan, pulled off Ned Kelly's pants and grabbed him by the balls, starting to tug at them, saying: "Well, Kelly, got you, son of a bitch?" At that moment a miller entered the shop. Seeing this whole picture, he said only: "Gentlemen, you should be as damn ashamed of yourself!" - and walked away from this booth. Ned Kelly paid a trifling fine, but did not forget the egg incident: leaving the station, he looked Lonigan in the eyes and promised that if one day he had to kill a man,then God knows this man will be Thomas Lonigan. And so it happened!
How Ned Kelly's mother was imprisoned for a fight with a policeman, and he himself became a bushranger
The last straw of Ned Kelly's patience before dropping everything and becoming a bushranger ran out when his mother was imprisoned for attempting to murder a policeman on duty. Even the most callous Australians considered the elderly woman's imprisonment arbitrary, because for her it was tantamount to a death sentence. True, in the end, she not only survived her son while in prison, but also lived to be 95 years old.
Bushrangers.
The story then came out muddy and once again shameful for the colonial police. Once again, cattle were stolen in the Kelly farm area. Inspector Fitzpatrick, out of old habit, went to arrest Ned. He was not there - he was looking for work 200 miles from home. Then Fitzpatrick, who had spent several hours in a brothel on his way here and was drunk as hell, felt hurt - well, he had been driving so much, and all in vain. And he decided to arrest someone from Kelly just in case. For example, the youngest brother and sister, Ned, who were still children. “So we’ll put you in jail, one devil - you are all convicts and sons of bitches,” he said, and immediately received a shovel in the head. It was Ned's mother who rushed to protect her children. Then she began to beat Fitzpatrick and beat him until he rode away, dropping his spurs.
Fitzpatrick.
Arriving at the station, Fitzpatrick, who was still drunk as scum, started talking complete nonsense. He said that he was beaten by Ned Kelly and their entire family, that they all carried two revolvers in their hands, even the children; he fought like a lion and barely escaped. He had a wound on his arm, and then Fitzpatrick gave out a fantastic story about how he was shot, but he managed to cut a bullet with a knife right at a gallop. That the wound was just a scratch and that Ned Kelly was 200 miles away didn't really bother anyone. The drunkard was believed, and mother was put behind bars. Fitzpatrick was later thrown out of the police in disgrace for drunkenness and perjury. But this did not save Mother Kelly from the deadline.
After this, Ned and his brothers decided to abandon attempts to become decent citizens and went to live in the bush. They named their gang "Greta", set up a base in the Wombat Mountains and hunted cattle. And soon Ned and the brothers had the opportunity to take revenge. A squad of constables went to capture the Kelly gang. They wanted to ambush the Stingibark stream, but ended up getting caught themselves. Ned and his men surrounded the policemen who were sleepy and gorged on fried kangaroo meat and offered to surrender of their own free will, promising to keep them alive.
Constables ambushed by the stream. Top left - the same Lonigan.
The police had already agreed, but among them was Thomas Lonigan - the same one who at one time pulled Ned Kelly by the balls. He was afraid that now they would pull him by the balls, and began firing from the revolver. A gunfight broke out in which Ned, in accordance with his oath, killed Lonigan. In addition to him, another constable, McIntyre, was hit with a stray bullet, while the others retreated. From that moment on, the Kelly brothers were outlawed. In the Australian bush, this meant exactly the same as in the Icelandic sagas. This means that now anyone could encroach on the life and property of any of the Kelly, and the law would remain on the side of the killer. The local police have not yet had the courage to do more.
In fact, apart from stealing cattle, Kelly's gang has carried out only two major robberies: a bank in Jerildery and a train in Glenrovan. But what a robbery they were! They were delicious, inventive, and absurd. It may even seem that the main goal of Kelly's gang was not money, but frenzy and adventure.
How Ned Kelly gave the hostages tea and read his manifesto to them
The first legendary robbery was the taking of a bank in the town of Jerilderi. To do everything decorously and beautifully, the Kelly brothers first captured the Yanghasband postal station near the city. It was something like a market and at the same time a saloon at the intersection of roads. Ned's gang caught everyone there by surprise, gathered the hostages in one room and … had a tea party. Living in the bush, Ned practically stopped drinking - the responsibility for his brothers-idiots affected. But he was addicted to tea. He drank it in the morning, at lunchtime and before bed, and carried with him a whole bag of the most decent colonial varieties.
The Jerilderi robbery.
There was a special intent in the tea-drinking with the hostages. After drinking tea with sweets, they calmed down, tuned in to dialogue and even cheered up. During the feast, Ned explained that they were not going to rape, rob, and even more so, God forbid, the guys were not going to kill him. They just need a base for further activities. He took his word of honor from the hostages that they would not run away, and for this he allowed them to walk around the yard and finish off his supplies of tea until everything was resolved. One of the hostages present at the time, Aaron Sheritt, later wrote of this: “… I looked at Ned Kelly and saw an extraordinary gentleman; in the whole world there would be no one like him, he is a real superman! You can imagine what a charismatic asshole this Ned Kelly was if he managed to make even hostages fall in love with him.
However, a bad story later came out with this Aaron Sheritt. He became a devoted fan and accomplice of Ned Kelly, but one day he got caught by the police, started knocking on his idol and surrendered the location of his base. So one day, Ned came to his house and shot him with a shotgun. To be fair, at this moment in Aaron's kitchen, four constables were sitting and drinking teas (oh, this tea!) Who were preparing an ambush. So Ned didn't just kill his fan out of idle suspicion.
Aaron Sheritt. Pay attention to his hat. So they were worn by members of the Kelly gang, and Sheritt imitated them in everything.
Having settled in Yanghasband Station, Kelly's gang prepared to take a bank in nearby Jerilderie. Ned and his brothers entered the city and went to the police station. There he started shouting that someone was being beaten in the street. The constables jumped out, where they were tied up. It turned out that all of Jerildery was just what these two cops were.
Ned's brothers stripped the policemen and locked them in a closet, while they themselves changed into their uniforms. It was not part of the plan, and they did not hope to deceive anyone, they just did it out of mischief. In this form, they showed up at a local bank and robbed it. But before that, the Kelly gang took over all of Jerilderie. All residents of the town were herded to the local Davidsons Hotel so that no one could raise the alarm or run for help.
The Kelly brothers grab the Jerilderi cops.
After the gang raided the bank, Kelly showed up at the hotel and had, you guessed it, a tea party. He treated the locals with his favorite varieties, and when everyone calmed down and realized that they were a real gentleman, he climbed onto the bar, from where he exclaimed: “I am Ned Kelly, the son of Red Kelly, and I am the best person who has ever stood before you in two shoes!"
Then Ned pulled out a 56-page proclamation from his bosom and read it out to the residents of Jerilderi to uncertain applause. He talked about how the injustice and tyranny of the British administration drove him to the craft of bushranger. He called the British colonial authorities "yoke", and also called for a return to the tradition of the good old Irish rebellion. After reading his appeal, Ned put the revolver on the bar and shouted: "Anyone who disagrees with me can shoot me on the spot!" There were no disagreements, of course, and Kelly's gang left the city without loss.
How Ned Kelly forged bulletproof armor and fought constables who mistook him for the Devil
Even more legendary was the Glenrovan train robbery, which turned out to be the last for Kelly's gang. But, damn it, with what glamor they started it all! First of all, Ned ordered bullet-proof armor, like knight's armor, to local craftsmen. With her, he hoped to cope with the well-armed guard of the train. When the spies reported to the police that the Kelly gang had armor, they simply did not believe them - and were dismissed.
Ned Kelly's armor.
The Kelly brothers took over the town in the same way as in Jerilderie. The townspeople (a total of 62 people) were gathered at the local Anne Jones hotel, took an oath from them that they would not run away and report to the police, and made a revelry. This time they decided to do without tea parties, pouring beer and whiskey for everyone present. A noisy party began, during which the Kelly brothers danced with the hostages, and the locals played ballads about Ned Kelly, which had already taken shape among the people. Ned himself did not drink, but entertained the "guests" with acrobatic performances, did somersaults, danced squatting and poured compliments, thanking the townspeople for their hospitality.
Kelly's gang dancing with hostages. A sketch of those years.
But it turned out that this manner of dealing with hostages is not always effective. The headmaster of the local school named Thomas Curnow broke the oath taken from the people of Glenrowan and fled for help. In the middle of the night, as the train was about to approach the station and the Kelly brothers dressed in their armor, the sound of gunfire rang out outside the hotel. It was the local police force, led by Sergeant Steele, who decided to take the Ann Jones by storm. An exhausting firefight began. Steele's own despair is evidenced by the fact that he requested a 12-pound Armstrong cannon from a nearby town. This son of a bitch was ready to smash the hotel to hell with the hostages and Kelly.
The night was foggy, and Ned managed to get out of the hotel in his armor. He went to the rear of the constables and began to fire at them with revolvers. The constables were frightened as if they saw the Devil himself in the flesh: their bullets bounced off Ned's armor, and he walked at them like a colossus, firing from two hands and laughing infernally. Aboriginal vigilantes, who were under Steele's command, began to yell: "This is Bunyin, Bunyin, Satan from the Bush!" One of the police officers who were in Steele's squad later said:
Many ran away. Ned almost managed to win. But Sergeant Steele did not panic, took out a shotgun and began firing at Kelly's legs and arms, which were less protected. As a result, he was wounded, knocked down and his armor was ripped off - many then flew in with a metal boot, they managed to cope with Kelly only in seven ways. At the same time, Steele ordered the hotel to be set on fire, along with everyone inside. The Kelly brothers behaved nobly: they released the hostages, while they themselves remained to shoot back inside. After some time, the shooting stopped, and the police ambassador, Pastor Matthew Gibney, an Irishman who later became bishop, entered the hotel. Inside the Ann Jones, he found only the bodies of the Kelly brothers, still clad in armor - they chose to shoot themselves rather than surrender.
How Ned Kelly was hanged and then he became a national legend
Ned Kelly's trial was pretty quick: he was hanged in Melbourne as a dangerous rebel, murderer and robber. The judge concluded the verdict with the words: "May God have mercy on your soul," to which Kelly replied: "I would venture to go a little further and assume that we will see you again where I go." By this time, almost half of Australia had already become Kelly fans. 32 thousand people signed the petition for pardon, but Ned preferred to be hanged up in the prison yard with a small crowd of people. He was not allowed to read his 56-page essay in front of the crowd, so his last words were "inaudible growl." He must have just been dirty, and he was.
Kelly at the trial.
Now Ned Kelly is a legend and favorite hero of Australians. Even Ireland was smeared with his glory, which issued stamps in his honor, although he himself had never been in this country and considered himself primarily an Australian. He was buried in an unmarked grave, but fans were able to figure out its location and dig up the bones. After that, Ned Kelly's skull was stolen - apparently, more than once, and passed from one unknown collector to another, until it fell into the hands of relatives who turned to the state with a request to return the remains. The skull was returned, a DNA test confirmed that it was Kelly, and now he is buried next to his mother - she died only in 1923, having outlived her son by 43 years.
Author: Vladimir Brovin