I so want to change my life, but how can I do it?
The most reliable way to "suspect" that you are at the mercy of your life scenario is through recurring events. And at some point, you begin to guess that it’s not the others, but your “personal program”. We call this program a life scenario, in which, according to all the laws of the theater, there are characters, scenes, and roles. Over the course of many years (or even our whole life) we have been acting out the same performance with slight variations. The natural desire is to change the record.
How?
To begin with, recognize your scenario: what is your role, what exactly prompts you to play the same role, how do you do it, and where is the point at which you “enter the next circle”?
Somehow a woman comes to me. It looks about 30. “I can't,” he says, “get married. I choose carefully. I look closely. And when, finally, I decide that this is the same person with whom you can build a long-term relationship, he disappears. Looking at this woman, it is impossible to believe that it is difficult for her to find a partner. Young. Beautiful. Self-sufficient. Financial director of the company. Secured. Held. In general, everything with everything. And on you!
Well, let's figure it out
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What is this type of woman that I have described? This is a woman with a strong-willed character.
She used to rely only on herself. She appreciates the achievements that she has achieved with her own hands. Of course, she knows her own worth and is able to stand up for herself. He will not entrust his fate to just anyone. Strong - what can I say! Do you know what a strong woman dreams of more than anything else? Relax, of course! Throw off the burden of responsibility, stop, finally, make decisions, snuggle up to a reliable man's shoulder …
That is, she is looking for support in life. Looks attentively … For a long time keeps at a distance, maintaining the facade of an independent and strong nature.
What impression does she make on men? Lioness! Grace and strength! And he goes hunting, he will bring his prey, and he will find his way in the wilds of life, he will not get lost. Behind her - like a stone wall!
Strong men are afraid of such: they must comply! It is better to have such friends or business partners! And the man who himself needs support and care will strive to build a family life with such a woman.
And so they met. Communicate. He, of course, shows his best side. She, as we know, keeps him at a distance, looks closely. Until this moment, solitaire converges for both: she sees a strong man (she keeps a distance, does not come close and does not let him in, therefore, she cannot see the true essence). And he has seen a self-sufficient facade for a long time. The dream of both has come true … until the moment she makes a decision: yes, it is he, the one to whom I can finally trust and open up! What does she do after that? Falls on his chest. It's not hard to guess what's going on with him. He gets scared and runs away … So 2 loneliness met …
You ask what happened to my client. Three or four months later she got married. For whoever she wanted.
Sometimes awareness alone is enough to make the script lose its hold on you. I in many ways compare my work with the work of a jack. Help a person rise above the well-worn track so that he can see how it works, what depth, what scale. He looked around, what other open spaces (opportunities) he can master. After that - if you want, roll your route and further, if you want - get out and work out new paths.
Sometimes a person has to help explore new territory. First, it's scary. Secondly, it is necessary to make decisions (after all, everything is set in the rut, there is no need to think there). Third, to form new vital values and skills.
In the case I just described, my client had to admit that her partner was hard to see at too great a distance, and to reconsider the myth that the only way to feel safe is to stay at a great distance. She had to learn new ways of taking care of herself, except for “keeping herself in a fist,” as well as new ways of expressing her expectations, wishes, and concerns to her partner.
None of us are script-free. The only question is whether you control him or he you.