When some misfortunes happen to several members of the same family, or, say, women from the same clan cannot get married in any way, raise children without a husband, then very often they talk about ancestral karma or curse. But most often it is not evil people or unhappy fate that is to blame here - we just unconsciously try to repeat the life programs of our parents and ancestors.
Family "rock"
A 35-year-old woman consulted a psychotherapist. Svetlana complained that she did not develop relationships with men. In addition, every year at the end of June, some serious trouble happened to her.
It all started when Sveta was in her fifth year. On the day when it was necessary to take the state exam at the university, she overslept. She was rescued by her friends who urgently rushed after her in a taxi. The next year, at the same time, the girl broke her arm. A year later, she was severely poisoned. Then there were severe tonsillitis, depression and an accident, when Svetlana almost died under the wheels of a bus. Not a single June was complete without dramas.
It turned out that Sveta was raised by his grandfather, who lost his wife early. Svetlana's grandmother gave birth to a daughter, Sveta's mother, as a student. Shortly before receiving her diploma, she died in an accident. It happened precisely at the end of June.
The widower gave his little daughter to be raised by his sister. Apparently, he, consciously or unconsciously, felt guilty about it. Therefore, when the daughter, while still studying at the institute, got married and gave birth to a child, the father took the granddaughter to him so that the young could get an education. There was one more circumstance: the parents named the girl Alena, but the grandfather forced them to get a new birth certificate, where the name Svetlana stood - in honor of the deceased wife. By the way, Sveta's grandfather died a few days before she received her diploma.
Only when the woman realized that she was going through another “symbolic death” every year did the fate that followed her begin to recede. She changed her name and began to call herself Alena - at least in the circle of loved ones. The June disasters stopped, but every year at the end of June she goes to the grave of her grandparents, puts flowers, commemorates them … Now Svetlana-Alena is married and has a son.
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At first glance, Yuri's story is a bit like the previous one. A 41-year-old man complained of depression, a sense of the meaninglessness of life, but most importantly, fear of women.
Yuri said that he was raised by his great-aunt. He only knew about his parents and relatives, grandparents, that they died when he was very young. The family moved to Belarus from Ukraine.
The man told the psychotherapist how he felt: there was some kind of secret connected with his birth, moreover, terrible and shameful. In the end, Yuri decided to investigate himself. He talked to a relative who raised him and forced her to tell the truth.
The man whom Yura considered his father met his mother in the army. After serving a year, he brought her home to his parents. She had to serve for two more years, so the young woman remained with her father-in-law and mother-in-law.
And so, while in the army, the young husband learned that his wife had a son. By that time, he had not been home for over a year, so he could not possibly be the father of the child. Having procured a vacation, the guy went home. I tried to get my wife out of whom the child was from, but she did not confess. After beating the woman half to death, the soldier left the house. And when he returned, he found his wife hanged. There was a note on the table: "This is your father." The man took an ax, went to work to his father and hacked him to death. Then he returned home - and hanged himself next to his wife.
The boy's mother was more unbearable to stay in this village. She sold the house and moved to Belarus with her grandson and unmarried younger sister. There she was soon overtaken by a stroke. The woman died, having taken her sister's word before her death that she would not give the child to an orphanage.
Only after learning the history of his family and being able to forgive his relatives in absentia, Yuri was able to change his life for the better. He changed jobs, he gained self-confidence, a permanent woman appeared, to whose son he tried to become a father …
Systemic problems
Situations are different. Sometimes they try to make a child a “substitute” for an absent family member - grandfather, grandmother, father, mother, older brother or sister … They give him the name of this person, they constantly set him up as an example. From childhood, the child seems to take someone else's place. And it is not surprising that sooner or later he has problems. He is forced to live not the way he wants. Or he gets into trouble every now and then.
Another situation - some of the members were simply expelled from the family. For example, a woman kicked out her husband and does not allow him to communicate with children. Someone quarreled with their parents and left home forever. A mother in her youth had an abortion or abandoned a newborn baby …
Oddly enough, these forgotten episodes can affect not only future children, but also grandchildren and great-grandchildren. According to the famous theory of Bert Hellinger, the family is a system. And the “loss” of at least one “screw” from it will inevitably affect all the others.
How to be "treated"?
If something always goes wrong with you, if you are literally pursued by bad luck, try to find out your family history. Find out if there were any "skeletons in the closet."
If you are offended by your family, try at least mentally to conduct a dialogue with them. Express what is boiling in your soul. If you feel that you have taken someone's place, try to explain to the relative who forced you to take this place that you love him, but you are you, not another person, and you want to live your own life.
Ask for forgiveness from those for whom your loved ones are to blame. And in the end, be sure to forgive them themselves and thank them for being …
Decide how much of your family heritage you want to take with you and how much you want to leave behind. Whatever it is, you must accept it and mentally put it in the chest of "family skeletons", where it will rest, no longer giving you trouble.