During one of his famous speeches, Indian philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti asked the audience if they wanted to know his secret. Those present in the hall became quiet and leaned forward. "You know," he said, "I just don't care more often than not."
Of course he didn't say that. According to the majority, he said, "You know, I just don't pay attention to what's going on," but he could say this and that. It seems to me that the devil-may-care concept is closer to most. I apologize in advance for the rudeness of this phrase - and I will use it here often - but nothing conveys this truth so well. When you say to someone “don't pay attention”, that someone will most likely look at you strangely - but not the one who came to Krishnamurti's lecture. At the same time, everyone understands that sometimes such unpleasant moments happen in life, which are best just to score / do not care. Not to score means thinking about what happened. For example, someone was rude to you on the phone, and you replay what happened in your head, you cannot give a damn so easily. And if you just hung up,shrugged their shoulders and calmly went for a ride on a bicycle, which means that you are good at scoring.
If you are worried, this does not mean that you are doing something useful, although it may seem that this is so. It seems quite natural that every time, getting worn out over something, we thereby approach some kind of answer. But this is not the case, because constant scrolling in the head is a thought process, and a thought process that is not aimed at finding a solution is useless.
This sheds light on one of our most ineradicable and narrow-minded ideas about human thinking: we are sure that most thoughts are valuable in themselves, that they will lead to something. But most of our thoughts just fill our head and shield us from real life. They do not lead to any important decisions or analytical conclusions, they simply consume us and, perhaps, also make our life shorter.
We usually think that our reflections perform some function simply because they are triggered by strong emotion or because they are aimed at a subject that is important to us: it could be justice, respect, or the current state of society.
Not. Reflection only makes sense if it makes your body move and do something useful. This does not mean that any grievance, rudeness or injustice should be immediately responded to with action. Quite the opposite. Usually there is nothing you can do about it, or you just don't feel like doing it. And that's okay. In most cases, it's best to do nothing at all, just score.
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This concept may seem apathetic. In fact, this is not the case. It's just giving up on wasting your energy and time on thoughts that will lead nowhere. So if you decide to get worn out on something, make sure that it will lead to some kind of feedback on what happened, and then move on to action. Here's a pictorial flow chart.
It's not so easy to learn how to score. It takes practice. The ability to score should be among the vital skills we teach children as well as counting, tying shoelaces and staying away from strangers. I went out for a run not long ago and someone yelled at me from a passing truck. I think he called me a fagot (or maybe Edik?). It scared me a lot, I even seemed to jump a little from surprise. They probably laughed there in their booth and gave each other a five or whatever such assholes usually do after yelling from the car.
There have been times in my life when I would have spent a tremendous amount of energy worrying about such injustices. But that day I was not going to do it, and it passed me by. I still felt the initial burst of rage and adrenaline, but decided to just skip this five second event, rather than reflect on it for another half day, and then tell everyone about it.
I continued to run and noticed that just a few seconds later on the street everything was again quiet and peaceful. There wasn’t the slightest trace of what happened simply because I hadn’t revived it in my head, I didn’t give a damn about it.
I knew people who told whole stories, and more than once, about some not very pleasant twenty-second incident that happened to them many years ago and which they cannot forget. I think you have met such people too. Don't go into the same madness. Follow the chosen course: just score.
Knowing how to score on time does not mean that you will always score on everything. It only means that you are doing it consciously. You have a reason. The main thing is to catch yourself reacting. It all starts with anger and outrageous words in your head, usually in the form of a witty response or an internal sermon about decency and respect. You can start scrolling through several possible scenarios in which you show the abuser who is in charge here. It is also very easy to get carried away by a vengeful fantasy in which (for example) you, like a tank / Terminator, rush after a truck, which eventually crashes into a tree, and now you are already standing and laughing, patting yourself on the sides.
When you find yourself thinking these things, remind yourself that you don't really care about these things, and turn your full attention back to the material world. What did you have next according to plan after this negligible incident occurred? Listen to your body: what does it need to move on?
So hang up. Dial the next number, run another kilometer, mix drinks, jump on a bike … everything that logically follows in the life of a person who does not pay attention to the little things of life. And if you can't wait to think about something once again, then you better think about it.