The Theory That Explains Everything - Alternative View

The Theory That Explains Everything - Alternative View
The Theory That Explains Everything - Alternative View

Video: The Theory That Explains Everything - Alternative View

Video: The Theory That Explains Everything - Alternative View
Video: 10 Alternatives To The Big Bang Theory 2024, May
Anonim

At some point, earthlings reached a level of development at which they managed to establish contact with extraterrestrial civilizations. It turned out that there is a whole Interplanetary Union, which is happy to welcome a new member into its ranks. The exchange of radio messages lasted 100 years, after which the plenipotentiary ambassador arrived on planet Earth to open an embassy and accept the Earth into the ranks of the civilized interplanetary community.

And then there was an embarrassment. Representatives of the earthlings fled in horror from the meeting with the ambassador and afterwards claimed that a hefty predatory reptile the size of a house tried to attack them there. The ambassador was somewhat surprised by this statement, he did not bring any such reptiles with him to the meeting. Sadly, the ambassador retired to low-earth orbit, where he spent the next 20 Earth years trying to figure out the circumstances of the incident. All this time, communication with earthlings took place through computer messages. Finally, having managed to convince the earthlings of the absurdity of the accusations and friendly intentions, the ambassador decided to hold a video bridge with earthlings, specially ordering from the ground suitable video equipment capable of transmitting an image in the spectrum visible to earthlings.

The video bridge was disrupted for the same reason - the earthlings in fear turned off their televisions, from which an unknown monster of a clearly threatening appearance was staring at them.

Then the ambassador thought hard, because two cases in a row were hardly coincidence. After 5 Earth years, he decided to check a simple assumption, and sent an album with images of representatives of the races entering the Interplanetary Union for review. And he immediately received an answer stating that the earthlings were extremely frightened by these pictures, full of dangerous and suspicious creatures.

Then the ambassador finally realized that earthlings are not sufficiently developed and are not able to fight their own cognitive distortions. The brain of the ancient dolphin, sitting inside the brain of every earthling, continues to look for enemies, analyze the incoming picture for suspicious patterns, sees eyes, fangs and tails everywhere, and nothing can be done about it.

The ambassador sent a document with observations and conclusions to the ground, and left for the females and tentacles. The Earthlings did not really understand why the evil creatures send them offensive pieces of paper, but just in case they were offended. In addition, the Interplanetary Union decided to limit the range of flights of earthlings to the limits of their solar system, as well as lower the level of information transmitted to earthlings to the lowest. Not forever, for 100-200 thousand years, until the earthlings figure it out with their brains and grow wiser.

After 50 years, a tourist flying by from Aldebaran accidentally wandered into the vicinity of the Earth and found in its orbit many wunderwaves of the most threatening type, albeit extremely primitive. According to the tourist, earthlings were ready to burn out the vile reptilians with a hot boot from the surface of the universe. At first, laughing at such naivety, the Interplanetary Union nevertheless decided that even a stone ax was dangerous in the hands of a savage. Therefore, he destroyed the wunderwafli, and at the same time all the heavy industry on Earth, and warned the earthlings that it was no longer necessary to do this.

This led to an unprecedented surge of patriotism among the underdeveloped savages, and 500 years later, a new wunderwolf fleet (even larger than the first) was ready for war.

Promotional video:

There was nothing to do here, and the Interplanetary Union, with a sigh, again destroyed the wunderwafe, industry, and one nondescript continent to show pure skill. The Earthlings howled with hatred and began to build a third prodigy fleet.

Then the Interplanetary Union circled the entire solar system with a fucking frame, pressed Ctrl – x / Ctrl – v, and transferred all this piddling into the universe, where there was no one except them. And I made a note to myself - never, they say, transfer them back, z @ fuck.

Since then, a couple of million years have passed, Atlantis sank, mankind returned to killing their own kind with heavy blunt objects. But time passed, and cunning earthlings rediscovered electricity and radio, and immediately began to fumble with greedy eyes across the sky in search of intelligent life. But, of course, they did not find anyone. Many theories about "is humanity in the universe lonely" have been invented, but none have been confirmed.

However, if earthlings dug up very, very old ruins and found extremely old documents, among them there would certainly be a universal dictionary of the Interplanetary Union.

And then humanity would finally be able to see, recognize and translate the phrase into the floor of the sky, composed of nearby stars.

The caption read: “Treat your head, fuck @ nata! Greetings from neighbors!"