In Gough's tale, a poor coal miner gave his living heart for money to an evil giant. And in return I received a stone one. The coal miner Peter became rich and very unhappy - living with a cold heart is unbearable! He had to suffer a lot before he managed to return a living, hot, such a vulnerable heart - and with it the ability to love. He became human again; it is impossible to be human without the ability to love. So Gough thought, so we all thought. Until recently we thought.
WITH A LEAD IN HAND
Recently, both in our country and all over the world, the “practical approach” has been very popular. A relationship with a person is useful, beneficial - it is worth continuing it. Unprofitable and painful - it is necessary to break off such a relationship, right? And the benefits of the relationship should be constantly weighed and measured. The fish is looking for where deeper, and the man - where is better! Where it is more profitable and useful. And you need to look for a pair for yourself according to the same principle - practical benefits. There is something to take from a person - you can enter into a relationship with him. If he makes rich sacrifices, proves his worth and willingness to carry on his hands or to carry in a luxurious car … Or, for example, has a decent appearance - this is important for a woman. The parameters coincide with the criteria of beauty accepted in society - you can deal with this lady. And incur some costs. So the facial angle was measured and other "calculus" were carried out in terrible times. It's scary to think about it, but in the most paradoxical way the named approach suddenly became very popular. And trainings "How to get married", "How to find a partner", "How to make friends" gather a lot of participants. Because the word “profit” is meant: “how profitable to get married”, “how to make profitable relationships” … And behind all these trainings and lectures there is a huge problem - the fear of love. Fear of ordinary human attachment that can cause suffering.“How to make profitable connections” … And behind all these trainings and lectures there is a huge problem - the fear of love. Fear of ordinary human attachment that can cause suffering.“How to make profitable connections” … And behind all these trainings and lectures there is a huge problem - the fear of love. Fear of ordinary human attachment that can cause suffering.
Intimophobia in a broad sense is not only the fear of intimate relationships, sexual contact. His true intimophobes are not just afraid, this is another tool for making useful connections.
Intimophobia is the fear of love. Fear of true attachment.
One lonely and successful woman went for a walk in the park alone. She carried a dog collar and leash in her hand. She didn't have a dog; After all, you need to take care of your pet! He needs to be fed, walk with him at certain hours, take him to the vet if he gets sick. And most importantly, you will have to worry if something goes wrong! And a beautiful lonely lady was walking with a leash in her hand. So walking alone is not a shame. Like walking the dog. And there is no suffering, and no effort is needed, and there is no need to worry about someone, and there is no need to feed, and stroke, and throw a ball … This is a tragic walk of a lonely person who does not want to worry. That is why he is lonely, such a person, because there is no ideal partner: anyone can get sick, go broke, get into trouble, leave, die …
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MAIN COMMANDMENT LADY
There are more and more emotionally cold people. But they also suffer and are tormented by the question: why can't I get to know anyone? Why does all relationships fall apart almost immediately? Why do I devote so much time and effort to trainings, I understand everything and act as they teach me, but everyone runs, leaves, leaves me alone? Simply because other people attend the same trainings and read the same books where the selection process is technologically described. More benefits, less suffering! Sell yourself more expensive! And the two curmudgeons and burnouts will bargain for a long time and ask the price of each other, and then they will wander off to look for something better, more profitable … So precious time passes. And they will miss each other in the park, each with his own leash …
Dickens's rich woman, deceived by her fiancé, Miss Havisham, never married. And she got a little crazy; everything was sitting in a wedding dress that had turned yellow from time to time at the mirror, everything recalled the deceit and baseness of the groom. This abandoned lady was raising a girl, Estella; brought up as best she could. Poor Miss Havisham crippled the soul of a child. And then, dying, she prayed to her adopted daughter for love - but Estella bitterly said that she did not know how to love. Can not! She became the "Snow Queen", beautiful and cold, with an icy heart. The foster mother burned with hatred of men. And instead of burning hatred, the adopted daughter had a cold in her soul. And the heart was covered with a crust of ice - it's better not to feel anything than to experience suffering.
The mother makes the girl the "Snow Queen". It is she who "freezes" all attempts to show love on the part of the child. Emotions are considered unnecessary and even shameful. Real ladies don't express their feelings! - This Victorian commandment originally sounded differently because it dealt with sexual relations. "A real lady doesn't move!" That's it - no more, no less. A child of a woman who is cold to a child enters life trained in manners and music, well-read, erudite, elegant - the mother prepares her weapon of revenge carefully. With a clear statement that everyone should be the "Snow Queen" - simply because she is so beautiful and perfect! Even if in the soul of such a girl a timid feeling arises, the first tender interest in a young man - she simply will not be able to show this feeling. She doesn't know how. “The real lady doesn't move!"The lady is waiting for rich sacrifices and proof that her partner is able to support and carry her in his arms. Be the genie of the lamp. Then, perhaps, she will nod coldly and agree. For what? This question remains unclear for the "Snow Queen" herself …
BEST BOOKS
This is an absurd idea - to look for benefits and benefits in living relationships with living people. What is the use of having a relationship with a child who does not sleep at night, gets dirty diapers, requires attention and expense? What is the use of dealing with an elderly, annoying relative who is sick and complaining, also requires attention and expense? What is the use of friendship if a friend is impoverished, ill, needs help? And what is the use of a dog if you can walk with a leash in your hand, occasionally calling for a non-existent dog? But then what is the use of our existence? To whom are we needed and useful? Why do they love us, understand, forgive, rush to help, share the latter? And why is the Snow Queen so unhappy in her ice palace, why does she need a lively and warm boy, if she is completely self-sufficient? And why does a stone heart ache, wants to become alive - how is this possible? Maybe. Because a person has a soul - that's why he is a person. And the need to love is the basic need of an individual. And, fortunately, you can learn to show your feelings. Someone is taught and "disenchanted" by life itself. Someone has to learn to "talk" from a specialist; learning to express love. And the best manuals in this case are not technical guides like "How to Marry a Millionaire", but books about love. All the best books in the world are about love, which sometimes hurts, as, in essence, life itself. To love and to be alive are the same thing. And the best manuals in this case are not technical guides like "How to Marry a Millionaire", but books about love. All the best books in the world are about love, which sometimes hurts, as, in essence, life itself. To love and to be alive are the same thing. And the best manuals in this case are not technical manuals like "How to Marry a Millionaire", but books about love. All the best books in the world are about love, which sometimes hurts, as, in essence, life itself. To love and to be alive are the same thing.
Psychologist Anna Kiryanova