Do I need to communicate with losers
It used to be customary to support unfortunate people, sympathize with their troubles, and help as much as possible. But in recent years, we have been hearing everywhere: if you want to be a successful, prosperous person - communicate only with wealthy, successful people. But what if “if a friend suddenly turned out to be …” Not a traitor, no - the same loser? Support him or break the relationship? Let's figure it out.
Immunity from adversity
Yes, almost everyone recommends staying away from losers. Moreover, it is quite seriously argued that bad luck is as contagious as the flu. And, on reflection, many will remember a couple of stories about how a person lived happily for himself, but got involved with a chronic loser - and gradually he himself turned into the same eternally unsettled person. And then he also "infected" his loved ones.
Indeed, this happens, and not so rarely. But does this mean that we should shy away from everyone who is in trouble? To begin with, since we are talking about failures as a disease, let's define the form of the disease.
It's not hard to spot a chronic loser. Surely you are familiar with a couple of these types. For many years the poor fellow has been complaining about life. By the way, while he may well be a wealthy or, at least, not a poor person. And in personal life everything is not necessarily bad. The problem is different: nothing suits him. The boss is a monster, his wife, of course, is a bitch, children are mischievous, there is always not enough money … You listen to this, and indeed his life will seem like a series of misadventures. And if a chronic loser is lonely and in fact barely makes ends meet (or does not make ends meet), and most importantly, he always feels unhappy, it becomes obvious: well, the poor fellow has no luck. It is not clear why: either the karma is negative, or the stars are not right in the sky …
If you have been in contact with such a character for a long time and have not yet become infected, most likely you have good immunity (congenital or acquired). Why you keep in touch with the eternal whiner is up to you. Perhaps you have wonderful shared childhood memories, or you are used to such a "friend", or it is your relative, with whom, for one reason or another, it is impossible to break contact. One way or another, communication continues, and, fortunately, you are still healthy.
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The secret of your immunity is simple: do not take complaints to heart, do not psychologically immerse yourself in the problems of a loser, "filter" negative attitudes and negative emotions that your acquaintance is literally saturated with.
If possible (and if desired), even such a poor fellow can be helped. Don't like your job? Offer to look for another, help me write a competent resume. Not satisfied with family life? Advise you to see a psychologist or stop the mutual torment, divorce and start from scratch (which is never too late!). And if a friend accepts your helping hand, it means that he is not hopeless. Perhaps he had been waiting for many years that they would stop feeling sorry for him and propose concrete options for overcoming the impasse.
Prevention measures
However, practice shows that not all chronic losers are ready to accept specific help. They just don't need her. They are quite comfortable living in their own world of complaints and claims, envy and resentment towards the whole world. Of course, even such advanced cases are treated, but on condition that the "patient" himself is ready for serious therapy - which, alas, does not happen often. In any case, it is almost impossible to convince him of the need to radically change the way of life and thinking. At some point, life is capable of forcing - and then a difficult, but successful path to healing will begin.
How to deal with "almost hopeless patients"? Everything is the same: not to take their complaints at face value, emotionally detach and help only with specific deeds (if at the same time you are sure that you will not waste your energy). And, of course, you don't need to bother yourself with unpleasant communication with a loser with whom you have little in common. It is more difficult to turn away from "poor, unfortunate" relatives or old friends. Even if you have long and clearly realized that they are not going to change their life, and do not need constructive help.
Sometimes interrupting communication with a toxic person is simply unrealistic (at least quickly), since he lives with you under the same roof. Of course, you can divorce your spouse, and close relatives to leave. But such cases are not resolved quickly, and during this time you risk getting infected yourself - if you do not have immunity. Well, that means, first of all, you need to develop it.
By the way, if you notice that you are able to get lucky or, on the contrary, become more successful and happy after communicating with successful people, then you are a so-called “receiver”, and your mood, feeling of happiness or unhappiness, etc. are largely determined by the social circle. And this is not very good. After all, it is impossible to constantly avoid dysfunctional acquaintances. Yes, and in the company of the "rich and famous" a loser can accidentally creep in. And who will be the first victim of the "virus"? Right.
Therefore, the first thing you need to do is to do serious work on yourself. It is important to realize yourself as a self-sufficient person, stop looking back at others, get rid of dependence on someone else's opinion, form an adequate self-esteem (which should be based solely on your personal qualities and achievements). Then, for sure, there will be no problems with immunity from failures, and you will not need "vitamins" like the exercises "Mirror" or "The Wall" (when you build an imaginary wall between yourself and a loser, or imagine that you are protected by a mirror, and all the negative comes back). Although at first, such techniques can help you out.
Acute form
It often happens that a person gets into trouble - and most of his "friends", following the latest recommendations, mentally cross him out of the social circle. In the meantime, anything could happen: fell under the layoffs, accidentally miscalculated and ended up stranded, divorced and just can't come to his senses … But you never know what can unsettle yesterday's lucky or just a "normal" person. And when friends also turn away, an acute illness may well turn into a chronic stage. At first, the majority is limited to formal communication: “Is everything bad? Well, hold on, brother, bye! " Someone helps once or twice (perhaps to clear my conscience): they say, I recommended it to my employer, something they didn’t grow together - what can I do. Actually, a lot. If your friend doesn't whine or lament,and trying to get out (although so far to no avail), do not worry, it is absolutely not contagious. And a strong and emotionally stable person has nothing to worry about. Yes, the "black streak" is sometimes protracted - and the reasons can be very different. But if in a difficult situation a person does not lose hope, even if sometimes he breaks down and gives up, but still tries to overcome difficulties, the help of loved ones can be invaluable. Perhaps he does not understand what is the reason for the prolonged bad luck - but you know better from the outside: so tell me! Or he simply does not have enough time, energy, resources: offer your support (without prejudice to yourself, of course). Anyone who wants to "be cured" will not play the game "thank you, but …". He will gladly accept any help. And a strong and emotionally stable person has nothing to worry about. Yes, the "black streak" is sometimes protracted - and the reasons can be very different. But if in a difficult situation a person does not lose hope, even if sometimes he breaks down and gives up, but still tries to overcome difficulties, the help of loved ones can be invaluable. Perhaps he does not understand what is the reason for the prolonged bad luck - but you know better from the outside: so tell me! Or he simply does not have enough time, energy, resources: offer your support (without prejudice to yourself, of course). Anyone who wants to "be cured" will not play the game "thank you, but …". He will gladly accept any help. And a strong and emotionally stable person has nothing to worry about. Yes, the "black streak" is sometimes protracted - and the reasons can be very different. But if in a difficult situation a person does not lose hope, even if sometimes he breaks down and gives up, but still tries to overcome difficulties, the help of loved ones can be invaluable. Perhaps he does not understand what is the reason for the prolonged bad luck - but you know better from the outside: so tell me! Or he simply does not have enough time, energy, resources: offer your support (without prejudice to yourself, of course). Anyone who wants to "be cured" will not play the game "thank you, but …". He will gladly accept any help. But if in a difficult situation a person does not lose hope, even if sometimes he breaks down and gives up, but still tries to overcome difficulties, the help of loved ones can be invaluable. Perhaps he does not understand what is the reason for the prolonged bad luck - but you know better from the outside: so tell me! Or he simply does not have enough time, energy, resources: offer your support (without prejudice to yourself, of course). Anyone who wants to "be cured" will not play the game "thank you, but …". He will gladly accept any help. But if in a difficult situation a person does not lose hope, even if sometimes he breaks down and gives up, but still tries to overcome difficulties, the help of loved ones can be invaluable. Perhaps he does not understand what is the reason for the prolonged bad luck - but you know better from the outside: so tell me! Or he simply does not have enough time, energy, resources: offer your support (without prejudice to yourself, of course). Anyone who wants to "be cured" will not play the game "thank you, but …". He will gladly accept any help.sure). Anyone who wants to "be cured" will not play the game "thank you, but …". He will gladly accept any help.sure). Anyone who wants to "be cured" will not play the game "thank you, but …". He will gladly accept any help.
By the way, there is information for purely pragmatic people. There is a psychological theory (confirmed by many practical examples), which is as follows. If some trouble has happened in the life of a friend or relative, fate thus hints that something similar can happen to you. So, helping a loved one, you solve your problem in "light" mode. It is possible that now this attack will not touch you - or you will face a light version of the task.
So, dear readers, failures are not always contagious. And if you don't want to catch the virus, don't shut yourself off from unhappy people - just take care of your own immunity.
Alina MOSKALEVA
