For several centuries in Russia, the rules of worldly, family and spiritual life were regulated by Domostroy - a collection of instructions. It contained advice on housekeeping, raising daughters and sons, behavior at home and at a party. Read how a kind wife, a fair husband and polite children should have behaved.
A book on Christian values, family life and business etiquette
The handwritten code of everyday laws appeared at the end of the 15th century in Novgorod; it was popular in the houses of the Novgorod nobility. It was based on ancient collections of similar teachings, for example "Izmaragd" and "Chrysostom". In different editions, the code of laws was gradually enriched with new recommendations and advice, over time the rules of family life were included in it. In the 16th century, the Moscow church leader, confessor and associate of Ivan the Terrible, Archpriest Sylvester brought everything together. He divided the new book Domostroy into three parts. The first talked about how to pray and behave in church, the second - how to honor the king, the third - how to live in a family and run a household.
Many people read Domostroy: princes and boyars, merchants and poor literate townspeople. The teachings were based on Christian values: to help the needy, sick and hungry, not to boast of your good deeds in front of others, to forgive offenses. Practical advice covered different areas of life: how to behave at a party, how to salt mushrooms, take care of cattle, repair sledges and household utensils. The text even mentioned business etiquette - how to buy food and pay shopkeepers.
The Domostroy of the 16th century became one of the first books devoted to everyday life, although it included a religious section. It has withstood many reprints and three centuries later it regulated the life of Old Believers, city merchants and wealthy peasants.
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Family: strict hierarchy and subordination to elders
In medieval Russia, traditional ideas about values prevailed. The Christian model of marriage involved a large family with many children and a patriarchal lifestyle. People who remained lonely until adulthood were considered inferior, and deliberate refusal to marry was seen as a deviation from the will of God. The moralizing texts even condemned those who left their loved ones to go to the monastery.
According to Domostroy, the family was a single organism: the earner husband worked and brought food, the wife ran the household, the children obeyed their parents unquestioningly, even when they grew up. Domostroy clearly defined the hierarchy and relationships between family members. This reduced the likelihood of quarrels and conflicts: everyone knew their place and responsibilities. The usual means of education was corporal punishment, although beating with sticks or rods was advised in extreme cases - if the conversations did not work.
The rules of conduct applied to all household members, including servants and people who lived dependent on the owners. The servants also had to be educated and punished. And not only the owner-spouse, but also his wife:
For good service, the servants were ordered to praise, and in public. The hostess had to set an example, to intercede and not to conduct "empty, mocking, senseless, shameful speeches with the servants." It was also necessary to strictly monitor that the servants did not gossip and did not tell strangers about household chores.
Wife: "To please God and husband"
In Russia, it was customary to conclude marriages by agreement. Relatives chose a life partner, and often there was no talk of mutual love between the future spouses. Only aged grooms could choose a bride and independently negotiate a future wedding. Marriages were dissolved on rare occasions, the family was considered a value that should be protected all life.
The word "domostroy" today is associated primarily with the patriarchal way of life. In fact, a married woman from the people lived locked up, doing only housework. The Domostroi norms stipulated that a wife should be “clean and obedient”, to fulfill her duties - to run a household and raise children. It was ordered to be silent, kind, hardworking, to consult with her husband in all matters. At the same time, the spouse, as the head of the house, must teach and educate not only children, but also the wife, and then "everything will be sportive, and everything will be complete."
The woman in the book was called "the sovereign of the house", and her main business is "to please God and her husband." She supervised the education of the children, the work of the servants, the replenishment of supplies, and the distribution of responsibilities among family members. Households, with the exception of her husband, were obliged to obey her and help her.
The book described in detail how to behave in different situations and even what you can talk about at a party:
The hostess was not encouraged to be idle and set a bad example for the servants: she had to spend all her free time around the house at needlework. Even aimless conversation was considered a sin.
In Domostroy it was said that "it is bad if a wife fornicates, wags, slanders and communicates with the wise men." The unjust "empress" undermined discipline and set a bad example for the servants. In special cases, the wife should be punished, and not only in words. The spouse should be “taught” in private, and not in front of people, and after that one should caress and regret.
Children: "stand politely and don't look around"
Domostroy ordered to raise children in strictness: children should be "always at peace, well fed and dressed, and in a warm house, and always in order." Responsibilities for upbringing were assigned to both the mother and the father. The sons and daughters were to be followed until they were married. Domostroi's pedagogy included several aspects: teaching “the fear of God”, knowledge, politeness, craft and handicrafts.
Children from an early age began to help adults, work was one of the main Christian virtues. Laughter and pampering were considered sins, parents were advised not to even smile while playing with children. In upbringing, it was recommended to take into account the characteristics of the child: "According to children, depending on age, they should be taught needlework - mothers of daughters, fathers of sons, who is capable of what, what opportunities God will give to whom." Children helped with the housework, from the age of seven to eight mothers taught their daughters how to sew, and the fathers of sons taught their craft, for example, blacksmithing or pottery. The diploma was considered optional. The child was taught to write and read, if only they planned to send him to government service or to confessors. A separate chapter of Domostroi was devoted to the future marriage of daughters, parents were advised to collect clothes and utensils for a dowry in advance.
Domostroy prescribed to teach children decent behavior, or "vezhestvo". In one of the chapters, they advised how to keep themselves to their son in a strange house: "do not pick your nose with your finger, do not cough, do not blow your nose, stand politely and do not look around." The child was instructed not to talk too much and not to eavesdrop - so they tried to protect the house from gossip and quarrels with neighbors.
Responsibility for the children was assigned to the parents: if the children sinned through an oversight, then the mother and father will answer on the day of the Last Judgment. Well-bred children in old age had to take care of their parents when they fell ill or "became impoverished in reason." You could not scold your parents - otherwise you will be damned before God.
In the chapter "How to Teach Children and Save by Fear," corporal punishment was recommended. Moreover, only boys were allowed to beat: "Execute your son from his youth … if you beat him with a rod, he will not die, but he will be healthier." Corporal punishment in the Middle Ages for boys was widespread not only in Russia: it is believed that in this way the future warrior was prepared for hardships and tempered his character. Girls were only to be severely scolded for offenses.
Author: Margarita Kovyneva