How I studied at Shchetinin's school
Mikhail Petrovich Shchetinin was not just the best teacher in the world. Imagine a person who loves you unconditionally. As a father, mother, spiritual guide and true friend combined. This is a creature of a different order - a Man with a capital letter, with whom you were lucky to be near and communicate. Close, dear, bright, wise, always knowing what to say and how to support. You have a special spiritual connection with him. You consider him the Teacher of life, from the moment you met him, you began to live, breathe, see the future intelligently, actively take an interest in the present. This is what a typical leader of a totalitarian sect looks like in the perception of a sectarian.
Now I am 36 years old. I came to the Center for Comprehensive Personality Formation for Children and Adolescents when I was 12. Why was I pulled out in the middle of the school year, brought thousands of kilometers to the village of Azovskaya (Krasnodar Territory, Seversky District) and settled one in the apartment of some strange woman - another history. Apparently, the glory of the "School of Joy", as it was called in the 1990s, was so great that my relatives considered this decision to be correct and were guided by my interests. Although, in fairness, it is worth noting that my mother and I have been here before, I really liked it and I myself asked to send me to the School. I will not talk about the education system, experiments with objects and the absence of school holidays - all this is not the main thing. The main thing in the Center is Shchetinin and his personal relationship with each student. If this personal relationship,which in reality is nothing more than a destructive (destructive) dependence of a child on an adult, do not add up - you will not study at the Center.
It all started with an interview in the director's office. I am a teenage girl, Shchetinin sits opposite at his desk. He asks what I like to do, what I am interested in, something else … then he comes close, strokes my head and says, looking straight into my soul: "You are good, you are very good." I immediately have tears from my eyes, a lump in my throat, incredible admiration: “Did the headmaster say this ?? Does he need me so much ?? Nobody ever said that to me …”That's it, the first stage called“bombardment with love”has begun. Any former cultist (sectarian) will say that this increased attention to himself, the “love” that was given to him at first in the cult, he did not live anywhere else. Frankly, although more than 20 years have passed, I still remember these sweet-sugary feelings of my own importance,endless possibilities and incredible rise from the fact that you finally got into the world that revolves around you.
The "bombardment of love" will last for several more months and will consist of close guardianship by older comrades, more experienced peers, teachers and, of course, Himself. It seems that you are the most important here, the brightest, that Mikhail Petrovich greets you in a special way. Oh, the dream of any teenager is so much attention to your person! This is manifested in the little things: they praise you for everything, at every step they say that here you said the real truth, that your essay-essay on history is brilliant, and the drawing is full of spiritual meaning, that you are approaching perfection, literally: “You are ready to flight. No, you're already flying! " After reading books like the esoteric "Jonathan Livingston Seagull," such words are taken very seriously.
By the way, a distinctive feature of the Center is that all everyday life is heavily involved in esotericism and occultism. In Azovka, this manifested itself in the form of the teachings of Blavatsky, the Roerichs, Porfiry Ivanov, Daniil Andreev, Vladimir Shcherbakov, and I don’t remember who. We were handed out the corresponding literature, obligatory for reading, - "The Banner of Peace", "Agni Yoga", "Rose of Peace", "All About Atlantis", "Meetings with the Mother of God", well, and the like heresy. The history of the Fatherland and patriotism, for which the Center is so famous, are built on this very foundation: Atlanteans, Aryans, people-gods, everything in me and I in everything. Orthodoxy is built into the occult worldview system and has nothing to do with the doctrine of the incarnation of the God-man. Mikhail Petrovich told me personally that “Orthodoxy was born from paganism, this is a direct continuation of the ancient religion, and Christ studied in Russia,at the Magi ". To what extent this is complete dilettantism in the knowledge of the foundations of world religions, I think there is no need to explain to any educated person.
In the village of Tekos (Krasnodar Territory, Gelendzhik District), where at the end of 1993 the "pedagogical experiment" headed by Shchetinin moved, occultism manifested itself in a fully formed neo-paganism with a real faith in the subtle world, animated nature, light and dark "essences", Svarog, Dazhdbog, etc., as well as a mass of small superstitions. At all stages of the director's hobbies for spiritual practices, which he certainly broadcast to his students, the influence of the "New Age" was felt (I now know what it is called), because superpowers and their development have always been at the forefront. It was presented like this: “If you are“in the general stream”, you will“build a field”(biofield), you will be“open to the world”, you will mentally merge with nature,“with every blade of grass”- the world will answer you, give you the ability to penetrate the essence of things directly,through "insights." Physics problems will begin to be solved by themselves, the brush will move your hand over the paper, you will be able to read other people's thoughts, anticipate events, slow down or speed up time, hear the other world. You will become that super-man - an Atlantean, an Aryan, a genius, which were our Russian ancestors”.
It is clear that it sounds strange and funny in moments, but children tend to believe in miracles, so for us then it was a reality. In the summer camp "Zhuravushka", not far from the village of Azov, a ritual called "to see off the Sun" was practiced every night. Why do I say "ritual", because you can just look at a beautiful sunset, and there is nothing reprehensible in that? Because every day, before going out into the clearing behind the fence of wicker grass, Shchetinin said that we are sun worshipers, like our ancestors, and we worship the Sun, and during the evening dawn we must mentally talk with the luminary and ask him for forgiveness and help.
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The main bond of the Center, on which personal relationships with the Group Leader, so important for the sect, were built is the general gathering and "philosophy" in the main hall, as well as more differentiated in Shchetinin's office: students, senior students, lyceum students (schoolchildren), individual groups (format "students + lyceum students"), etc. During these gatherings, Shchetinin told very figurative legends, with a description of the scene, the main characters, in roles, with the necessary intonations and pauses - real theatrical performances. In the course of the story, he could turn to someone personally or hint that he spent the whole philosophy for the sake of one person. The action took place to the accompaniment - Shchetinin was a music teacher by education, so he himself played either the button accordion or the piano. The melody was sometimes calm and touching, then stormy and bright,in the course of the story, turning into the stomp of a galloping horse, the tears of a girl, the slow speech of a wise old man. He talked about heroes, about courage, about love, about grief and joy, finding themes and "mental images" (Shchetinin's term) that touched the living, touched the soul, created a trusting atmosphere when you want to hug the whole world or run to save it by sacrificing without thinking at all.
Philosophy and general gatherings usually took place in the evenings, when the electricity was centrally cut off in the village (it was in the 1990s), or the children themselves turned off the lights to light candles. There were always a lot of candles, I remember these real living lights, cozy and friendly - for any person, and even more so for a 13-14 year old teenager, this is the most romantic. The involvement in the story was maximum, captivating, the images rose before our eyes as if they were alive, it naturally happened as if falling out of reality, and Shchetinin was transformed to the level of almost a saint.
I have just described to you how such gatherings are perceived from within the sect. And now - the bitter truth. It was nothing more than sessions of collective hypnosis, an introduction into a state of trance, when the mind is turned off and information is perceived absolutely not critically, pouring in a stream, bypassing the stage "what does this mean?" and "why exactly?" All the characters and images, saturated with emotions, music and candlelight, were in fact the conductors of the ideas Shchetinin needed, perception algorithms and behavior models. The main goal of the theatrical action called "legend" is to establish the maximum degree of confidence of the child, who will eventually follow you to the ends of the earth and will do whatever you tell him.
That's why debriefing usually began after the legend. With instructions on who, where and in what today "fell out of the general stream", "did not keep the state", "broke away from the whole" and "was rational." “To break away from the whole” and “to be rational” were the most terrible crimes, sins. The first is when you have an opinion on any, even the most insignificant, issue, and the majority, headed by the Teacher, considers this opinion to be erroneous. Well, for example, Shchetinin prohibits eating meat - in the entire Center no one eats meat - if you ate sausages, you are to blame, everyone condemns you and He Himself speaks of your guilt in front of everyone at a general gathering (this is where the horror for a teenager begins). Today Mikhail Petrovich became interested in the Anastasians - all children are obliged to study the "Ringing Cedars of Russia", tomorrow in contactless hand-to-hand combat - specialists are invited,and try not to come - you will be an outcast, and this role in the Center is worse than the role of Lenochka Bessoltseva from "Scarecrow".
I remember we were looking at the "common circle" of Mel Gibson's film "Braveheart" - a movie is not at all for children, if you remember (we had guys 6-10 years old). I left without watching the bloody finale, and for a long time blamed myself for the fact that I had dropped out of the general stream, I had to overcome myself and still see how the hero William Wallace was tortured there. What do you mean “I didn't like it” ?! I should like it, because Mikhail Petrovich and everyone liked it. It means that I am doing it wrong, my perception is crooked. Not only does not have an opinion, but algorithms of perception and behavior are built in such a way that there is not even a desire, no need to have it. You just get used to not wondering whether you like this book or the fact that we work at a construction site at night, or that your supper was not enough - it is natural not to want anything and decide nothing. The worst thingthat this habit is implanted into the very core, preventing a person from being himself. You get used to living on autopilot. “I,” as Shchetinin taught, “dissolves in nature” (or where else?) Completely. You generally forget which music you liked and which dish is your favorite. Everywhere and always looms an "ideal", with which you get used to check, find out whether this dish / music is approved or not, and only then you start to want this particular dish and this particular music.
“Breaking away from the whole” meant, first of all, “breaking away from Mikhail Petrovich”. He tied to himself through the same legends and increased attention during the first period of his stay at the Center. He often liked to quote a poem, as he said, of a famous poet (I could not find the original source on the Internet):
I'm still naively surprised
How simple is the law written for us:
I am when I unite with the Father, And there is no me, if I break the connection.
Of course, Shchetinin presented this as a commandment to remember the ancestors. However, the meaning of the verses is much deeper. After the director moved with a group of teachers and children from st. The Azov school in Tekos village almost immediately received the status of a boarding school - we lived all year round in hostels without parents, grandmothers, grandfathers, relatives and friends. They only visited us, and sometimes we could go home - which was not very encouraged, because in the outside world the state was abruptly "lost" and then it was necessary to undergo adaptation upon return. Agree, this changes a lot. In that hierarchy, in which we were constantly, our Father was you understand who. He strove for this in every possible way, maintained the appropriate tone of communication, tactile contact: he could come up, put his hand on his shoulder, on his head, take his hand,embracing in a fatherly way - it was building the relationship between the Parent and the Child. And now let's get back to the poem that was transmitted to our brain every day: “I am when I unite with the Father, And I am not, if I break the connection”. In general, a direct message to children's heads does not in any way upset the Parent. Even deeper - to consider that you are complete nothing, if not with Him and not in the Center.
Still it was necessary to "give yourself". “I am when I give,” Mikhail Petrovich taught at the general training camp. This postulate was declared as a call for self-sacrifice, when you need to do everything for others and not think about yourself: build new buildings, cook dinner (by the way, being on duty in the kitchen was a very frequent occupation of mine at the age of 14-16 - we prepared three meals a day for the whole school and then cleaned the kitchen, washed the pots - everything in an adult way), study and teach, wash the floors, carry out private assignments of Himself and older comrades - students who in our "family" hierarchy played the role of older brothers and sisters, mentors. Everything looks beautiful, if not for one "but": you had to give yourself completely, leaving nothing. Without observing this condition, according to the intracenter laws of being "from Shchetinin",you became a violator of the most sacred commandment in the world and committed the worst crime possible (no joke, it is). And he immediately received a scolding from the Teacher for "not keeping the state" and "was not a part of a single organism", but was "separate." If you did not give yourself "to the end, to the very bottom" and "fell out" of this endless dense whirlwind of construction, cleaning, study, songs, dances, shifts, gatherings, trips, then you did the most terrible, shameful and vile act in your life … The breakdown began such that you would not wish the enemy either.cleaning, studying, singing, dancing, shifts, gathering, traveling, then he did the most terrible, shameful and vile act in his life. The breakdown began such that you would not wish the enemy either.cleaning, studying, singing, dancing, shifts, gathering, traveling, then he did the most terrible, shameful and vile act in his life. The breakdown began such that you would not wish the enemy either.
"To fall out" - that is, to stop, to think about where I am going and why, and is it so, as they say in words. Here Mikhail Petrovich says that we are building the future of Russia, but allows 15-year-old "girls" and 9-year-old "guys" to carry buckets of cement mortar and pots of 50 liters, tearing backs and like a woman … and for some reason I, being a 2nd year student, I cook all the time in the kitchen, while the teachers come and give lectures. Well, how … you have to give yourself, sacrifice yourself. The great Teacher taught this. I will not forget how we whitewashed the balconies in Betta (a settlement in the Krasnodar Territory, we were parachuted there to study and help with the repair of the sanatorium), and I stood on the scaffolding on the sixth floor, fastened with a belay with a carabiner to the balcony railing - there was nowhere else to fasten it, and adults responsible for the safety of children,did not have. I waved over my head with a thick brush with a plaster, everything flowed, dripped, and suddenly the forests swayed strongly - how I kept my balance and did not fall off the balcony, I don't know. I know that no fence and no insurance would have saved me. I got off and didn't whiten any more - my knees were trembling. Then I was 16. And all the same, I was terribly ashamed that I had let everyone down, that I broke away from the whole, that I was thinking about myself, about my life. Do you understand the degree of curvature of this totalitarian ideology? The adherents of the Center can be thrown into any embrasures, to any construction sites - everything will be done even without elementary conditions for life, at risk to life and health, and without any murmur, on one “state”, which in fact is nothing else, as a destructive attachment to the group and the leader.everything flowed, dripped, and suddenly the forests swayed strongly - how I kept my balance and didn't fall off the balcony, I don't know. I know that no fence and no insurance would have saved me. I got off and didn't whiten any more - my knees were trembling. Then I was 16. And all the same, I was terribly ashamed that I had let everyone down, that I was torn away from the whole, that I was thinking about myself, about my life. Do you understand the degree of curvature of this totalitarian ideology? The adherents of the Center can be thrown into any embrasures, to any construction sites - everything will be done even without elementary conditions for life, at risk to life and health, and without any murmur, on one “state”, which in fact is nothing else, as a destructive attachment to the group and the leader.everything flowed, dripped, and suddenly the forests swayed strongly - how I kept my balance and didn't fall off the balcony, I don't know. I know that no fence and no insurance would have saved me. I got off and didn't whiten any more - my knees were trembling. Then I was 16. And all the same, I was terribly ashamed that I had let everyone down, that I broke away from the whole, that I was thinking about myself, about my life. Do you understand the degree of curvature of this totalitarian ideology? The adherents of the Center can be thrown into any embrasures, on any construction sites - everything will be done even without elementary conditions for life, at risk to life and health, and without any murmur, on one "state", which in fact is nothing else, as a destructive attachment to the group and the leader.that no fence and no insurance would have saved me. I got off and didn't whiten any more - my knees were trembling. Then I was 16. And all the same, I was terribly ashamed that I had let everyone down, that I broke away from the whole, that I was thinking about myself, about my life. Do you understand the degree of curvature of this totalitarian ideology? The adherents of the Center can be thrown into any embrasures, on any construction sites - everything will be done even without elementary conditions for life, at risk to life and health, and without any murmur, on one "state", which in fact is nothing else, as a destructive attachment to the group and the leader.that no fence and no insurance would have saved me. I got off and didn't whiten any more - my knees were trembling. Then I was 16. And all the same, I was terribly ashamed that I had let everyone down, that I broke away from the whole, that I was thinking about myself, about my life. Do you understand the degree of curvature of this totalitarian ideology? The adherents of the Center can be thrown into any embrasures, on any construction sites - everything will be done even without elementary conditions for life, at risk to life and health, and without any murmur, on one "state", which in fact is nothing else, as a destructive attachment to the group and the leader.about my life. Do you understand the degree of curvature of this totalitarian ideology? The adherents of the Center can be thrown into any embrasures, to any construction sites - everything will be done even without elementary conditions for life, with the risk to life and health, and without any murmur, on one "state", which in fact is nothing else, as a destructive attachment to the group and the leader.about my life. Do you understand the degree of curvature of this totalitarian ideology? The adherents of the Center can be thrown into any embrasures, to any construction sites - everything will be done even without elementary conditions for life, with the risk to life and health, and without any murmur, on one "state", which in fact is nothing else, as a destructive attachment to the group and the leader.
That is why it was a shame to be ill: why, I “fall out” and don’t give myself to others! He was treated by compassionate girlfriends, the rest looked askance, because the same Shchetinin carried out the idea that the causes of all diseases are "loss of state" and "falling out of the general stream." Many years later, I was reviewing old notebooks and suddenly I discovered my girlish poems from the very first year of my stay at the Center. Imagine my surprise when I read:
I am when I give
Yourself, love and kindness, When I give my soul
And I give it to people.
And if I do not give myself, That is not me, I do not live.
And only my shadow walks
In fact, there is no me.
I don’t know about you, but I felt terrible from the last lines written by a 12-year-old teenager.
In general, it is worth paying tribute, Shchetinin is a noble demagogue and speaks beautifully, soulfully and charmingly, which is why not only many children, but also adults (parents, teachers, guests who come to school) fall under his charm, or rather, influence, and begin to listen to his sweet speeches and trust them 100%. And you need to look at deeds, not words. For example, Shchetinin often repeated to us that we are Personalities, that we are great, that we carry the memory of our ancestors, because we have whole generations of great Aryans behind us. In practice, all this quickly ceased to matter if you “broke away from the whole”: you began to doubt, ask him or his older comrades questions and form your own opinion, which was different from that of Shchetinin. For example, following the scientific community, he did not consider the deciphering of the Phaistos disc by geologist Gennady Grinevich to be reliable,which at the Center was taken as the basis for passing the history exams in higher education. The music teacher Shchetinin liked the "proto-Slavic" pathos with which this decryption was stuffed - and unverified information was immediately introduced into the curriculum. It was impossible to resist this, it was impossible, because this is a "separation from the whole", that is, insubordination to Shchetinin. The whole sweet theory about the Personality and descendants of the great Aryans worked only within the framework indicated by Shchetinin. If you suddenly decided to hear the voice of great ancestors and show your Personality, saying that you would like to teach not chemistry, but mathematics, because it is closer and more understandable to you (all students acted as teachers for high school students), then I would myself have looked condemning you and expressed something like that in the name of the Motherland you need to prove yourself in chemistry, not in mathematics,and that, unfortunately, by this your disagreement you show that you have lost your fortune and therefore it is worth taking a closer look at you and for the general purpose to remove you from teaching altogether …
Ideas were declared sublime and pretentious, but this is nothing more than a wrapper to attract attention and gain trust. The essence of the Center is not in patriotism and respect for the individual, as many who are not familiar with the system from the inside believe, but in the formation of every new child's social dependence, a powerful internal attachment to the sect, which is almost impossible to overcome without outside help. After all, if you try to cut off these ropes, you will destroy yourself: "There is no me, since I break the connection."
The second most terrible offense in the Center is “to be rational”. We must, on the contrary, "live according to one's heart", always be guided by emotions, and not despicable reason. If you don't like something in historical theory, religion, you feel that it is wrong - reject it. If you feel warmth, cordiality and universal unity, as in sessions of collective hypnosis, then this is correct, accept it. Any information should be passed through the filter of your feelings and in no case should your mind be used. In general, the most common message of any destructive cult: do not think! Again, taking into account the general context of our life, everything pleasant and good, "according to feeling", has always been here in the Center, and bad - there, behind the fence, in a hostile world. The separation is clear, and it is undesirable to break the scheme. It is impossible to allow yourself an inner analysis of what is happening in the Center,it is rationally, shameful and sinful. Although now I understand that even emotions were fully accessible only to Shchetinin, the rest had to adjust and begin to feel exactly the same. What was called the mysterious phrase "keep the state". He demanded this from us constantly, every day, and everyone seemed to understand without further ado, like this. But the phrase is faceless! In fact, she worked at the level of a reflex and meant "think and do as Mikhail Petrovich wants." This should be learned at the second stage after the “bombardment of love”, when emotional dependence has already been formed, and the correct patterns of perception and behavior are implanted in the head through regular repetitions and sessions of suggestion in the form of legends and philosophies.the rest had to adjust and begin to feel exactly the same. What was called the mysterious phrase "keep the state". He demanded this from us constantly, every day, and everyone seemed to understand without further ado, like this. But the phrase is faceless! In fact, she worked at the level of a reflex and meant "think and do as Mikhail Petrovich wants." This should be learned at the second stage after the "bombardment of love", when emotional dependence has already been formed, and the correct patterns of perception and behavior are implanted in the head through regular repetitions and sessions of suggestion in the form of legends and philosophies.the rest had to adjust and begin to feel exactly the same. What was called the mysterious phrase "keep the state". He demanded this from us constantly, every day, and everyone seemed to understand without further ado, like this. But the phrase is faceless! In fact, she worked at the level of a reflex and meant "think and do as Mikhail Petrovich wants." This should be learned at the second stage after the “bombardment of love”, when emotional dependence has already been formed, and the correct patterns of perception and behavior are implanted in the head through regular repetitions and sessions of suggestion in the form of legends and philosophies. In fact, she worked at the level of a reflex and meant "think and do as Mikhail Petrovich wants." This should be learned at the second stage after the “bombardment of love”, when emotional dependence has already been formed, and the correct patterns of perception and behavior are implanted in the head through regular repetitions and sessions of suggestion in the form of legends and philosophies. In fact, she worked at the level of a reflex and meant "think and do as Mikhail Petrovich wants." This should be learned at the second stage after the “bombardment of love”, when emotional dependence has already been formed, and the correct patterns of perception and behavior are implanted in the head through regular repetitions and sessions of suggestion in the form of legends and philosophies.
At the second stage, already in Tekos, the unconditional love of people who had become infinitely dear and dear to me suddenly ended abruptly. A new period of my “growing up” began, as a result of which I had to learn to “be in the general stream”, “live according to my heart” and fight against “selfhood”. Now I clearly represent this, but, of course, everything was not so schematic and logical. A language loaded with a special meaning is a visiting card of all sects, it naturally embraces you from morning till night, becomes ordinary, easily and conveniently conveys those meanings that are understandable only to the Shtininites. You get used to it, as you get used to everyday slang, you cannot immediately trace the phrases and their meanings, retell them in other words. Just as the meaning of the phraseologism "to beat the thumbs up" does not come out of the meaning of its constituent words "to make blanks for wooden spoons", but means "to mess around", so here too.
"Self" - at first approximation it seems that this is an analogue of "pride", egoism, but when I remember in what situations this was said by Shchetinin and what he had in mind, then I understand that it is not. Pride is being proud of others, the confidence that you are better than others. Selfishness - when a person thinks only of himself and does not take into account the opinions of others. "Self" is everything that makes up your "I", everything that is purely yours, "separate." For example, in the Center it was customary to put on someone else's shoes without asking, use someone else's combs and take someone else's things without warning the owner. Such a fatal collectivism. Sometimes I started to rebel on the sly and did not allow me to take my shoes, grumbled if someone climbed into my plate at dinner (it was also considered in the order of things) - these actions caused a sharp rejection by the central community and called themselves "selfishness."In order to form dependence on the group and get an obedient adept, Shchetinin had to erase personal boundaries as much as possible, including through everyday life.
When everyone stops giving you increased attention and flattering, you, of course, do not like it. I could not understand in any way what had happened, why did I so upset Mikhail Petrovich and other very good people that they often began to look at me with disapproval, push me from leading roles to secondary ones and bombard the new students who entered the school with love, and not me, wonderful. Moreover, I myself began sometimes to say that I “am in mud”, but by “throwing it off” I become “beautiful” … I frantically began to look for a reason for what I was doing wrong. And I found it: it's all pride, it's all filthy "self". I should have known then that this is “in the mud” and the condition under which I become “beautiful” is the formula of manipulation. Nobody specifically explained to me what “tina” means - apparently, the feeling of guilt in front of people should have worked,to whom I already felt obligated (they loved me so much!), and it was proposed to independently find the sins that Shchetinin and his entourage were unhappy with. I think what these sins were, they didn't care much. The main thing is that the teenager begins to experience this unpleasant feeling of disapproval and, with all his might, try to win approval from above again. If before that a powerful carrot was formed, now it's time to show a whip.then now it's time to show the whip.then now it's time to show the whip.
And then life began according to the principle of "stimulus - reaction". “You keep the state,” you do everything that Shchetinin says, - the Teacher approves, smiles, you get a portion of attention. “You don’t keep your fortune” - you slept a lot, worked a little, but I don’t know why at all - ignore and harassing at every gathering, public analysis of the bones, sometimes directly addressing the guilty person by name, sometimes with hints in which - as I now think - kind half, if not all of those present, recognized themselves. I have an assumption that the initiation from the first stage to the second was the final / entrance exams, the transition from the status of a lyceum student (high school student) to the status of a student, because as soon as this happened every summer, the requirements for newly minted students immediately increased: to do more, to be problem-free, no one came to help and praised for everything. The first course, in comparison with the lyceum and senior students, is the most abused by Shchetinin at the training camp. Either they got up not so amicably at 5 in the morning, now they did not collect enough strawberries in the field, or they didn’t learn history well (not everyone passed the exam for the "A"), then they walked with an uneven posture and sour faces. We are now students, an example for younger comrades - lyceum students, and our ancestors should be proud of us, and we … let everyone down. We are bringing Russia down, which is waiting for our service. A specific case of such a ministry is to get up before dawn, go to bed after midnight and work all day at a construction site. But we were 12-16 years old. Apparently, such pressure made it possible to instill in adolescents a sense of guilt out of the blue, in order to achieve an incredible zeal to do everything well and correctly, to “keep the fortune”. Either they got up not so amicably at 5 in the morning, now they did not collect enough strawberries in the field, or they didn’t learn history well (not everyone passed the exam for the "A"), then they walked with an uneven posture and sour faces. We are now students, an example for younger comrades - lyceum students, and our ancestors should be proud of us, and we … let everyone down. We are bringing Russia down, which is waiting for our service. A specific case of such a ministry is to get up before dawn, go to bed after midnight and work all day at a construction site. But we were 12-16 years old. Apparently, such pressure made it possible to instill in adolescents a sense of guilt out of the blue, in order to achieve an incredible zeal to do everything well and correctly, to “keep the fortune”. Either they got up not so amicably at 5 in the morning, now they did not collect enough strawberries in the field, or they didn’t learn history well (not everyone passed the exam for the "A"), then they walked with an uneven posture and sour faces. We are now students, an example for younger comrades - lyceum students, and our ancestors should be proud of us, and we … let everyone down. We are bringing Russia down, which is waiting for our service. A specific case of such a ministry is to get up before dawn, go to bed after midnight and work all day at a construction site. But we were 12-16 years old. Apparently, such pressure made it possible to instill in adolescents a sense of guilt out of the blue, in order to achieve an incredible zeal to do everything well and correctly, to “keep the fortune”.an example for younger comrades - lyceum students, and our ancestors should be proud of us, and we … let everyone down. We are bringing Russia down, which is waiting for our service. A specific case of such a ministry is to get up before dawn, go to bed after midnight and work all day at a construction site. But we were 12-16 years old. Apparently, such pressure made it possible to instill in adolescents a sense of guilt out of the blue, in order to achieve an incredible zeal to do everything well and correctly, to “keep the fortune”.an example for younger comrades - lyceum students, and our ancestors should be proud of us, and we … let everyone down. We are bringing Russia down, which is waiting for our service. A specific case of such a ministry is to get up before dawn, go to bed after midnight and work all day at a construction site. But we were 12-16 years old. Apparently, such pressure made it possible to instill in adolescents a sense of guilt out of the blue, in order to achieve an incredible zeal to do everything well and correctly, to “keep the fortune”.in order to achieve incredible zeal to do everything well and correctly, to “keep the fortune”.in order to achieve incredible zeal to do everything well and correctly, to “keep the fortune”.
The worst thing is that this model of behavior entered inside, into the very essence, into the way of thinking and emotional reactions. That is, it was not external obedience that you could resist, as teenagers usually do: “I don’t want to and I will not!”, But internal, based on unlimited trust to Shchetinin and ideas introduced by suggestion. It became scary to the shaking, to the pain, if he passed by and did not notice you, or said in front of everyone: "Isn't the Center pressing on you?" I know this from myself and have observed many times in others how girls and boys pulled their heads into their shoulders and cringed. He is not just a school director, he is a supreme being, he is just that demigod, a primordial Aryan who can read minds and communicate with the other world, hear the voices of our great ancestors, a holy and sinless person who cannot make mistakes in principle,nowhere and never. He himself said this to himself at the same training camp: "I am an unusual creature, and this is a fact." I remember that this phrase was so shocked that I already remembered it literally.
You think that whatever he does, he does because he loves you. Even if it is obvious manipulation and psychological abuse. Does not matter. Shchetinin studied the children well and could easily calculate the reaction. That is why the most devoted adepts were children who came between the ages of 10 and 16. Everyone who was older, including the teachers, did not obey him so meekly, and therefore, periodically there were conflicts with someone from the teaching staff or with "friends" of the Center from the outside - for example, with the parents and priests of the Ancient Orthodox Church (Old Believers from the city of Primorsko -Akhtarsk) or with the teachers of Shuisky and Armavir pedagogical institutes, whose branches were opened in the Center. Here the charm of Mikhail Petrovich failed, because the teachers did not suit,that many subjects were interpreted "to the heart" and the music teacher interfered in the educational process, demanding from students to teach their own interpretations, and not the facts of academic science. Of course, after that, the teachers abruptly passed into the category of "strangers", "not our" people. The title of Academician of the Russian Academy of Education, which was resoundingly presented to every newly arrived colleague, parent or correspondent, in fact was not confirmed by publications in scientific journals (only one semi-fiction work "Embrace the Immense: Notes of a Teacher") and had nothing to do with special disciplines of university programs.which was resoundingly presented to each newly arrived colleague, parent or correspondent, in fact was not confirmed by publications in scientific journals (only one semi-fiction work "Embrace the Immense: Notes of a Teacher") and had nothing to do with the special disciplines of university programs.which was resoundingly presented to each newly arrived colleague, parent or correspondent, in fact was not confirmed by publications in scientific journals (only one semi-fiction work "Embrace the Immense: Notes of a Teacher") and had nothing to do with the special disciplines of university programs.
The stimulus-response period is a transitional one. It determines whether you break down and become “your own”, accepting everything without reasoning, or in the end you will not be able to stand it and leave. Also crumpled, but still having the right to his own. The period lasts a long time, maybe several years. Why is there no desire to leave immediately, as soon as you start to systematically lack sleep and be guilty for being ill and not going to pick apples? Because internally - in thoughts and on an emotional level - by this moment, a strong belief in two things has taken root. First, in everything that you see as bad, only you are to blame, and the Center has no shortcomings. Second: only in the Center is real life, true Russia, outside - everything is not the same, gray, tasteless, people do not understand the truth, which is only discovered here. Everything is wrong, evil and against you there. If you go thereyou betray Russia and forever lose the most important thing in life. You are a traitor. Therefore, the only possible option is to adapt to life inside this little world, trying to return that golden time when everyone loved you, and Shchetinin approved your every step. There is no particular alternative: if you do not do as Himself commands and is customary at school, you will die spiritually. "There is no me if I break the connection." Psychologically, it is very difficult to get out, almost impossible. You are trying with all your might to "take place", to earn a kind word, and you are so happy if you deserve it (for example, you erected a brick wall in record time). When you leave home for a while, you are drawn to Tecos with terrible force, you push away the thoughts of leaving as unacceptable: after all, leaving there, you renounce like-minded people, betray the work of serving Russia (there is nowhere else to serve her!),and where else can you find such a great mentor as Shchetinin ?!
Once at the Center, I lost all my previous social connections. I was not friends with anyone outside the Center, I have never been anywhere without the Center - only at home sometimes, with my family. But neither mom nor dad still fully understood the sacredness of what, as Shchetinin said, “cannot be explained in words,” that is, they were still on the periphery of my teenage socialization. All socialization took place within the Center and according to its laws, far from real life. It was impossible to take offense at the Center. In general, you couldn't be angry, sad, or slow - you had to do all the actions, from unloading the machine of bricks to eating food, quickly and cheerfully. Slow down the pace - "break away from the whole"! If you walked to the car with bricks at a step, and not at a run, you were judged. If you didn’t have time to put on the mittens - you couldn’t be away to put them on - you let the team down. I washed my hands in blood on these funny unloading and then happy to run to do something further. Putting on mittens is a matter of 10 seconds, but your wounded hands are such a shameful trifle compared to the general task. At the Center, I learned to eat very quickly. Throw in porridge, bread, pour compote - and again you run to “build Russia” - to skin something or paint something. It's okay that the quality will suffer from excessive speed - a few bricks will break or apple tree branches will break when working in the state farm garden - the main thing is not to stop, so as not to be alone with yourself and not start thinking: "What am I doing here?.." Shchetinin always hurried us and reprimanded us if something was done slowly. Putting on mittens is a matter of 10 seconds, but your wounded hands are such a shameful trifle compared to the general task. At the Center, I learned to eat very quickly. Throw in porridge, bread, pour compote - and again you run to “build Russia” - to skin something or paint something. It's okay that the quality will suffer from excessive speed - a few bricks will break or apple tree branches will break when working in the state farm garden - the main thing is not to stop, so as not to be alone with yourself and not start thinking: "What am I doing here?.." Shchetinin always hurried us and reprimanded us if something was done slowly. Putting on mittens is a matter of 10 seconds, but your hands with wounds are such a shameful trifle compared to the general task. At the Center, I learned to eat very quickly. Throw in porridge, bread, pour compote - and again you run to “build Russia” - to skin something or paint something. It's okay that the quality will suffer from excessive speed - a few bricks will break or apple tree branches will break when working in the state farm garden - the main thing is not to stop, so as not to be alone with yourself and not start thinking: "What am I doing here?.." Shchetinin always hurried us and reprimanded us if something was done slowly.you pour in the compote - and again you run to "build Russia" - to skin something or paint something. It's okay that the quality will suffer from excessive speed - a few bricks will break or apple tree branches will break when working in the state farm garden - the main thing is not to stop, so as not to be alone with yourself and not start thinking: "What am I doing here?.." Shchetinin always hurried us and reprimanded us if something was done slowly.you pour in the compote - and again you run to "build Russia" - to skin something or paint something. It's okay that the quality will suffer from excessive speed - a few bricks will break or apple tree branches will break when working in the state farm garden - the main thing is not to stop, so as not to be alone with yourself and not start thinking: "What am I doing here?.." Shchetinin always hurried us and reprimanded us if something was done slowly.
As a result of personal transformation, a certain standard of a bristling person should have developed: cheerful, positive, fast, courageous and decisive, easily picking up any tasks for the execution and performing them at all costs - even deliberately harmful or stupid: for example, glue tonight wallpaper instead of getting up tomorrow morning and sticking it on during the day; or pick peaches in the garden sooooo quickly (faster than those "who are not from school"!), but at the same time mash half of them, so pour the juice from the boxes; or "develop" an algebra course for two weeks, but tamp the entire (!) school curriculum in these two weeks (well, for the Aryans, nothing is impossible). Melancholic and phlegmatic people were immediately dismissed as unreliable - not even,not so - melancholism and phlegmatism were swept aside as impossible properties of temperament in the coordinate system of the Center. Even if the teenager was slow and thoughtful by nature, as a result he had to "take place" and become a fast and "open to the world" "leader", ready for any assignments from the General (one of the generally accepted names of M. P. Schetinin among students), not creating problems with their thoughts "contrary to the general flow".
The more you become "your own", the more they begin to demand from you. Finally, it comes to the point that you suddenly realize that you must not only do, but also think the way you should. No, not just say what is required of you - but let it pass through yourself, lie to yourself to such an extent that he himself believes in his lies. To turn thoughts and feelings back, in a new direction: to become a sanguine from a phlegmatic person, and instead of summer to fall in love with autumn. What developed up to the Center in your life in a natural way - character, inclinations, individual traits - you must learn to change at the discretion of Shchetinin. The most terrible period of my stay at the Center began - the invasion of thoughts and manipulation of feelings.
Many who have visited the Center note the amazing friendliness and smile of the guys who met them during the tour of the buildings and territory. I did this myself: I smiled at all the guests, because Shchetinin taught us to present the School in this way. Moreover, even if you were directly asked what is wrong here, and you had something to answer, you would still say that there is truth and real spirituality in the Center. Because if you say bad things, it's a betrayal. Even if everything is terrible with you, there is nowhere worse - they are not accepted into collectives (more on that later), you are an outcast and just in front of everyone Shchetinin at the camp said that you are a superficial, rational person and break away from the whole (and this is the worst sin, we remember), you will still say to “strangers” that here is truth and real spirituality. Because it's your problem, it's your faultyou are unfinished, and the Center is highly spiritual and ideal. You get used to deform yourself all the time, constantly hammering your real, natural, thoughts and feelings, getting used to think and feel the way Shchetinin orders.
Active pressure began after I came to the Orthodox faith. Once I was at home for a long time and there happened a conscious arrival in the Church, with the first confession, Communion and the practice of fasting and prayer. A new world was opened, for the first time I felt tremendous relief, freedom, I opened the questions that tormented me to the priest and he answered them simply and easily. By the next departure to Tekos I had in my bag: the Law of God, the lives of the saints, several brochures and icons to put them on my nightstand. Upon arrival, I involuntarily began to compare and contrast what I heard and saw with Christianity, and for the first time I discovered that I could not accept everything, because paganism and magic with mind reading, the ability to foresee and other occult practice are not just not in accordance with the teaching Churches are directly prohibited as dangerous pursuits.
And everything would be fine, after some time I was able to decide and decided that I would just not read “Russian Vedas” and neopagan novels by Yuri Sergeev, but at the same time I would continue to “build Russia”, “serve people” and live according to conscience. But it was not there. Information came to Shchetinin that I had gone too deep into Orthodoxy and got too out of control. It was even encouraged to be a little interested in external rituals, but to go deeper, to stop believing in supermen and start filtering information coming from the Teacher, was already punishable. How the process of using the whip took place in my case can be traced through the diary entries of that period.
This "daughter" is also, by the way, very significant. At that time I was 14, Shchetinin - more than 50. This is to understand how great in this situation is the force of influence of an experienced adult on an inexperienced teenager, who does not creep through manipulations at all, is used to respecting and obeying elders (still Soviet upbringing) and is emotionally very attached to this adult, like a father, mentor and spiritual teacher. In general, I was told in plain text: it cannot go on for so long, you cannot disagree with what I say and consider differently. Then I left his office with a firm determination to work on myself with all my might, so as not to “pulsate with denial” and so that he would not be angry with me.
So I faced a new discovery: you can't have your own opinion. Absolutely. Even the opinion that was formed by itself and does not really depend on your will. You know, it’s like asking a person to love blue instead of red: “You must have a favorite blue!” You are trying to do this to yourself. With all my might. Because in the system of the Center, the red color is a sin, a vice and is incompatible with being in it at all. The substitution is so profound, what is sin, what is "bad" in reality. The measure is not even universal human values and not everyone's personal conscience, but Mikhail Petrovich Shchetinin. He is your conscience that determines what is good and what is bad.
The degree of internal destruction is colossal, the destruction of all internal mechanisms. You try to love your neighbors, be responsive, work well in the garden, clean the floors in the building with high quality, prepare responsibly for the exam and teach biology to high school students. But evening comes, candles are lit, Shchetinin begins to "comprehend the day" and be sure to remember about Svarog, about a blade of grass with which one must merge and dissolve in it, about the Sun, which must be addressed, about the fact that Christ was blond and studied for 7 years in Russia, and ends up "Christianity came to Russia and began to play a negative role." And then he scans the space with some of his “third eye”, catches something there “in the subtle world” and starts hitting those who disagree (in my case it was the theme of paganism, in other cases - the “wrong” opinions of other children):addresses me personally in front of everyone, telling me for the hundred and fifty-first time that Christianity grew out of paganism, and I do badly that I reject the religion of the ancestors, and the gods really exist and have a hierarchy: Perun is responsible for the Earth, Svarog is responsible for the solar system, and for someone else's galaxy, I don't remember. God Rod stands above all the gods, he rules the Universe.
Everyone around is looking, condemning and shaking their heads that I am now an outsider. When we disperse after collection, the collective environment is ready to set who should be pushed in the next period of time. All were subject to this "collective intelligence", which was controlled by Shchetinin, directly pointing out who "fell out of the stream" here, and ignored the unwanted, because the great Teacher had gradually indicated this. Shchetinin interpreted the phrases “tell me who your friend is, and I’ll tell who you are” and “like like” and “like like”, making it clear that if you are dating someone whom he called “who has lost his fortune,” then you too you get into this category. And so it was! If you began to communicate closely with an outcast, the collective began to shy away from you, and Shchetinin immediately began to press on the subject of "inconsistency." The ideological basis was laid under the ignore,sounded at meetings and philosophies as follows: "If the element rejects the whole, then the whole rejects the element."
If the outcast "corrected", stopped asking questions and acted exclusively "in the general stream": he recognized paganism as his religion, taught the history of the Fatherland, which was interpreted at random by the music teacher Mikhail Shchetinin, really believed in superpowers, as if he fulfilled the instructions of the General and worked so much, as it was necessary, then everything fell into place. Again at the general training camp, Shchetinin said that such-and-such "went", "took place", "kept the common field", the attitude of the team also changed - it became warm and supportive, and new opportunities appeared. For example, the opportunity to become a director of a lyceum, who had more organizational responsibilities than black work, or the opportunity to participate in concerts.
Thus, there were only two options: either you unconditionally accept everything that Shchetinin says and then you are good, or you don’t accept something, you think in your own way and then you are bad. I naively, for a long time tried to achieve the objectively impossible: to keep in my soul my faith in Christ as in God (well, you can't, after all, turn yourself inside out) and at the same time “serve people and the Motherland” while in the Center. I considered myself only guilty that this did not work out and the Teacher was dissatisfied with me, and justified everything that he did against me, no matter how many conversations he held on the subject of “inconsistency” and no matter how he scolded me in front of everyone. Trust in him was absolute. The thought that Shchetinin is an adult conscious person, and morally puts pressure on me, a 14-year-old girl, organizing persecution, instilling a sense of guilt and forcing me to change my religion,never came to me.
There is still such a moment. Despite the awareness of myself as a Christian, I continued to diligently study history, including about the ancient Slavs, and at the exams I talked about their religion, that is, I did not "deny the religion of the ancestors" as a phenomenon in general, as part of history, did not rebel, trying to whom to persuade or assert that the ancestors were fools and villains. In general, I shared my thoughts on the "teaching" of Christ in Russia with the Magi only a couple of times with a friend, and then for several years I was silent like a fish, because I understood that my "discrepancy" would cast a shadow on my friends and they would also be outcasts. That is, Shchetinin could not reproach me for preaching, that I entice his followers. My main fault was that I believe in Christ as God in principle, with my mind and heart, and do not believe in Perun, Svarog and Dazhdbog as real gods. Now I thinkthat even this was not the main thing - the main thing is that, through my own, personal, independent beliefs, I avoided complete control. Because the Teacher scolded others in exactly the same way, but already for other beliefs that were not included in his system - yes, even for the same sausage that someone ate stealthily, or for the fact that someone is dissatisfied with the reduction in the number of classes in favor of cycling the floors in the middle of the school year - everything is like a blueprint: "you destroy the field", "you drop out of the process", "you lose the main thing", "you do not live in essence."that someone is dissatisfied with the reduction in the number of classes in favor of cycling the floors in the middle of the school year - everything is like a blueprint: "you destroy the field", "you drop out of the process", "you lose the main thing", "you do not live in essence."that someone is dissatisfied with the reduction in the number of classes in favor of cycling the floors in the middle of the school year - everything is like a blueprint: "you destroy the field", "you drop out of the process", "you lose the main thing", "you do not live in essence."
I will try to explain why the role of the outcast in the Center was more terrible than in "Scarecrow" by Lenochka Bessoltseva. When an enemy is identified, he beats you, he substitutes you - it's easier to fight. You have no doubt that you are hated, and a hero for the truth grows inside you. Are you sure that your peers laugh at you, call names and kick you, and you are not to blame. When everything is certain, it is easier to endure aggression. Here Shchetinin behaves extremely inconsistently: in words he assures that you are a person and the image of ancestors, but in fact he crushes and does not allow the slightest step aside. In words, he loves everyone and everyone, but at the same time, children sleep 5 hours daily, eat as they have to, do not have personal time (and if there is an hour or two, then it goes to washing, darning and other things necessary for life), and the educational institution does not have a medical worker on staff. Everything is so ambivalent, you are constantly in a swayed state, because Shchetinin deliberately confuses you. In the morning he smiles and greets, addressing by name, and in the evening he says that you are superfluous here. Of course, at first you try to find the reason that caused such a change, what is your puncture, but when this happens for months and years, you realize that it is useless, that this is just such a way to keep you constantly unbalanced. More precisely, you understand this only after leaving the sect. While you are in it, you think that Mikhail Petrovich is holy. No matter what he does and no matter how he scolds you, he does everything for the good - he corrects you, worthless and wrong, fatherly. You love him as a father and mentor no matter what. As in Orwell's novel "1984", remember, the protagonist, after all the bullying, again sees thatwho put him here and who directed the torture, and when he strokes his head, Winston suddenly feels respect and gratitude for him?
In addition, in "Scarecrow" there is where to escape. Here, as you remember, its own microcosm was created and it is limited by the school territory. You cannot go outside for help, it is tantamount to death, very scary. You cannot tell your kind grandfather about all the twists and turns - if only because you do not even understand what is happening in general and with what words to describe it. The rational maximum that you can formulate is the information that Shchetinin himself told you earlier: "I have a personal crisis, I can't cope with the tasks." You are only 15, who will believe you that an adult uncle with indisputable authority infiltrates your brains and requires you to think and feel as he wants? Here you are in limbo, gradually you become unnecessary to anyone, gradually everyone turns away from you, because you are not being corrected:you do not recognize the development of superpowers and silently "pulsate" with the help of the Orthodox worldview your "disagreement". As a result, it turns out that you find yourself ANYWHERE at all - neither here nor here, alone with your problems, in a deep depression from hopelessness and feeling like a complete insignificance. The center did not just underestimate self-esteem, it destroyed it as a phenomenon.
For this, heavy artillery was used. In order to "humble" another proud man and make him be like everyone else, during the next "reorganization" - this is the creation of new teams of the "students + lyceum" format with relocation to rooms - it suddenly turned out that you were not assigned to any of the teams. Nobody wanted to take you, and in order to get a pass anywhere, you had to go through a series of "interviews" in which older students (a more dedicated, close to Shchetinin level) and Himself personally discussed your jambs for a long time and seriously, calling on frankness, making it clear that everyone, of course, loves you, but you have to do this and that. Such brainstorming, more precisely, an onslaught, usually worked, because the situation for a teenager is stressful and he was especially vulnerable at such moments.
Being "in any lyceum", in addition to the general sidelong views, meant that you have problems and purely everyday life. The whole life of the Center is strictly regulated, everything is organized according to a strict schedule: now team # 1 is having lunch, after 15 minutes - # 2, after another 15 - # 3. If you are in any of them, you do not know when to go to eat. If you come, there may not be enough plate, space. Lectures and all classes are the same. You can't even "sit next to" anyone and run to exercise - this is not allowed. It turned out such a powerful upbringing by the collective, when every step through universal condemnation. Moreover, you are absolutely sure that it is your own fault, that is why you walk like a beaten dog and try to be quieter than water, below the grass. The outcome of the interviews suggested two options: either you break down, agreeing with the necessary conditions, or you try to prove that you would be gladYes, you can't, but you still love Russia! But Shchetinin's second option and the "entourage" are not satisfied, so you are offered to go home. Think about life and, perhaps, in the future, return to this sacred place. You are terrified, because you are attached to the group tightly, but still there is nowhere to go, because … well, there is nowhere to go.
In my time (1990s) they were not openly excluded from school, so sometimes the outcast continued to live nearby, walking like a shadow around the neighborhood, gradually turning into a downtrodden and miserable creature. Basically, the children could not stand it and went home. It happened that the Shchetinins created separate groups of such outcast, and this was also terrible, because all the same they were despised by everyone else. I had to live until the next reorganization. If someone corrected himself during the period of “rejection”, began to “show himself” as an ardent supporter of the Center, he was transferred back to the category of “good” and restored in rights on an equal basis with the rest.
And it also happened that the rejection lasted for years and the child could not leave in any way - usually due to external circumstances: either the parents thought that he should finish his studies here and receive a higher education diploma (and a deferral from the army), or there was simply nowhere to go - at his home did not wait. It was then that I had to deal with internal deformation and learn to lie to myself and others. Refined soul beating brought its results. I have seen these “transformations” more than once, when a living individuality turned into another type of a bristle-man, strikingly similar to those who have already gone this way before him.
Former Jehovah's Witness sectarian Ivan Shiryaev said in an interview that the leading feeling in the cult is fear and guilt. Yes, that's how we lived. They smiled at the guests, but they themselves were constantly afraid that Shchetinin would not condemn us and "throw off the general stream", so that Russia would not perish, so that dark forces would not destroy the school, and so on and so forth. Mikhail Petrovich loved to whip up at the students' training camp about these very dark forces that want to destroy the Center, he feels them at this very second, now, evil creeps into this audience … and therefore we all must by all means keep our fortune and be whole. One guy with a sick heart fell ill at one of these training camps, he collapsed on the floor, losing consciousness. He was carried into the room to the guys, a couple of people went with him, the rest continued to sit in Shchetinin's office as if nothing had happened. Show must go on,whatever happens to the individual.
He taught us that everything in the world is interconnected: "Touch a blade of grass - a star will fall." Our "black thoughts" about the Center's shortcomings and bad deeds in the form of insufficient "self-giving" are the direct reason that there is a war of "enemies", "dark entities" with Russia, that our people are dying. It was in the 1990s, life in the Russian Federation was really hard, but Shchetinin put the responsibility for what was happening on us. With our good behavior, we had to win the battle in the other world, support the "warriors of light" and save Russia. Naturally, all the time we were pierced in this great struggle, which is why there were wars, cataclysms in the world and little noticeable to the uninitiated, but very global defeats in the "spiritual world" that the General unmistakably felt.
Then he began to say that everything, he is retiring, from now on we will have to manage everything ourselves, to steer the educational process, to educate lyceum students, there will be no more general gatherings … Everyone is scared, cannot understand why they were so guilty, they begin to persuade the big guy do not leave, do not leave us! They cry, sing praises to him, how great he is, how good we can do without him. He sits and melts - you can clearly see how he enjoys the emotional outburst and the following act of praising the Teacher.
At concerts that often took place during holidays and significant events (Mikhail Petrovich's birthday, May 9, New Year, graduation, arrival of important guests), for a long time, the central element was the story about Vojislava, an ancient Slav woman who voluntarily ascended the funeral pyre for the husband-prince who died in battle. In fact, in this scene, narrated in the roles of the "girls" and "boys" closest to Shchetinin, the pagan rite of murdering his wife along with the deceased leader, as well as love-based suicide, was poeticized. Her mother was still trying to stop her there, Vojislava, shouting: “Daughter!”, To which Vojislava replied: “Don't, mom. I will go with him to the holy country, I cannot live without him, lada. " Now I think: where were the parents, teachers and other adults who were sitting right there looking,when did all this destructive propaganda pour from the stage into the ears of children and adolescents?
To live simply and to enjoy here and now, over time, you get out of the habit. You always get used to “building” everything, striving for something, working on yourself, “giving yourself up” even more, and again they tell you that you are marking time, that you are sick with “selfhood”, and so on in a circle. Reaching the goal, you are not able to get enough and rest, but think how to achieve the next goal. An eternal expectation for tomorrow that never comes. Shchetinin often repeated that "Russians always live in tomorrow" and "we must work for the future." In this race for a beautiful future Russia, we endlessly suffered from lice, streptoderma, scabies, mycoses, poisoning, pneumonia, girls had problems with the female cycle, boys had torn backs, and I keep quiet about injuries and colds with complications. All this was considered in the order of things - well, I did not keep the fortune, what can I take from you … it is my own fault. I had a pocket lice remedy - a pencil for cockroaches / lice / rats and mice - remember those Chinese killer things in the 90s, in blue packages with hieroglyphs? There were also two regular vials: with boric alcohol and with formic - one for otitis media, the other for neuralgia, because it blew endlessly when you walk from the shower with a wet head down the through corridor to your room or after bathing in a cold shower, because it's hot the storage water heater has run out. In more severe cases, the iodine grid helped, which we got used to drawing for each other. Once, against the background of an untreated cold, the lymph nodes in the armpit became inflamed, blood vessels all over my right hand became red and spread so that my fingers protruded and I could not eat, I ate with my left hand. A friend treated me, made this very iodine mesh and took me to feed.
Once we were instructed to dismantle the rubble of old, rotten clothes in the attic and burn them at the stake. There was a mountain of things, there were always a lot of them, because after reorganizations and relocation to rooms, “no-man's” bags were regularly left and they were carried upstairs so that they did not take up space. As a result, after completing this assignment, the girls developed linen lice (the girl who threw things into the fire was especially affected). When I was told that there might be such an attack, I armed myself with an iron and said that I would not budge until I disinfected all my things. The “senior comrades” who entered the room at that moment were very indignant, because I took up my personal business instead of going to the state farm to pick apples.
And I always wanted to sleep. Lack of sleep after a year or two became chronic, they left only due to youth and drive. By the way, it was also impossible to want to sleep: our "Father" at the training camp said that when someone's eyelids stick together, this is a sign of not being included in space and loss of state.
Only a group of “girls” and “guys” (mostly “girls”), who were closest to Shchetinin, were entitled to special rights, who had confirmed their loyalty to the Teacher and the Teaching and whom he himself brought closer to himself. They constituted a separate caste and participated in management, had the status of directors of lyceums, leading subject teachers, had the opportunity to study fully, attending lectures by teachers who came to us from other cities. There was much less physical work in the life of the “chosen ones”, they were not so exhausted in the kitchen, construction site, cleaning, night shifts, etc., they lived separately and could sleep / eat in a less regulated mode.
The systematic overwork of ordinary adherents was considered a necessary sacrifice in the name of the Motherland, presented on a par with the feat of Alexander Matrosov or Nikolai Kuznetsov. Shchetinin, an adult, a teacher, used his knowledge of child psychology and the idea of patriotism in order to squeeze the maximum out of children, and then replace them with others. Therefore, there was no triumphant spread of the “Shchetinin system” throughout Russia, as he promised, because there was no pedagogical system. There was a cult of Shchetinin, exclusively of one person, everything rested only on him, all the strings converged to him, he acted as the main puppeteer.
At the very end, I began to panic and avoid him. An almost animal fear appeared. My hands grew cold, my heart jumped out, I began to stutter. With his words, glances, “fatherly” handshakes and hugs, he invaded my inner world, into my brains, as if he was reading me through and through and learning that I again “did not fit into the general flow”, he began to somehow influence me, it was impossible, thoughts were confused, and at the level of emotions - fear, confusion, loss of control over the situation. From time to time he tried to bring me closer to him so that I would become part of his "entourage": he invited me to work in the "guest kitchen" (there was a separate kitchen for Shchetinin and guests), to cover and clean his lunch and dinner, walk around with him and more a couple of senior students. Apparently, in this way the "carrot", the memory of that blissful time when everyone loved me, should have worked,and Mikhail Petrovich only praised and admired my genius. Such a dense "approach" scared me to the point of shivering, I dodged any of its forms, because he still tried to bend me with his preaching of occultism and behaved in a very strange way with a small circle of people close to me, carrying outright delirium. For example, four of us (two students from the "suite", me and him) walked a building under construction, he looked from the height of the second floor at the forest and said that these were actually not trees, but entities that looked like smoke, that they swayed and he sees this, and can interact with them, communicate. I still remember looking at those two students and suddenly realized that they really believe him and perceive this stream of consciousness at face value. I also know for sure that many girls, senior course (17-20 years old), gave him a massage,I was regularly told to someone that "Mikhail Petrovich is calling you to do a massage." I was still afraid that I would also be called someday, but thank God, this did not happen.
When at last staying in the Center becomes completely unbearable, there are two ways out: either to go out into the terrible outside world and become a traitor, or to leave completely everywhere in a radical way. Since the second option was unacceptable for me as a Christian, I chose the first one. I went to Mikhail Petrovich with the last conversation, to say goodbye and ask for forgiveness that I could not, did not cope, did not justify his hopes. She sat there smearing snot and tears, saying how I will be in this outer world, in this terrible alien world … and he took it and said: "Well, don't go away." Then I burst into tears, sobbing loudly, not seeing anything in front of me: "But you said!" - because the day before he himself called me for another serious conversation and set harsh conditions: either leaving school, or “completely here”, accepting his views on life. And so I came to him with my decision,suffered through blood, and he again with his signature ambivalence. Then she also said that I do not specifically believe in Christ, that I did not choose it with my reason, that I chose it with my heart, as you taught, “to live after my heart” … What happened to him! He began to laugh out loud, rolling, wiping away his tears, laughing long and relish. I was 16, stood as if spat upon and could not understand: I kind of open my soul, I talk about the most intimate, and he laughs at me?.. I'm talking about the most intimate, and he laughs at me?.. I'm talking about the most intimate, and he laughs at me?..
Of course, it is difficult to leave Tecos for the last time. It's a shame to part with friends. It is a pity to break away from those to whom you are accustomed, as to your family. If Shchetinin hadn't pressed me, I would have stayed, for sure. But now I think: how good it is! It is better to live in a real imperfect world and be yourself, learn to make decisions and not look back at Big Brother, than to cook in sweet poison, poisoning yourself with it more and more, cracking yourself beyond recognition and losing faith in humanity.
I will end my story with a legend that I remember very well. Yes, the very hypnotic legend with which Shchetinin processed us, achieving through sweet and kind stories the introduction of the stereotypes of behavior and thinking patterns he needed. How different is the perception of the same phenomenon when you are inside a sect and when you are outside it! Let this be a clear illustration of how you can influence the child's psyche with seemingly good intentions. So, a bonus for those who studied with me at the Center at the same time, for sure many will recognize the plot.
December 1993, the very first "traveling school", the main building in Tecos, evening. Mountains of snow outside the windows, it was a very snowy winter, atypical for the Krasnodar Territory. We are sitting in a room that will later be rebuilt into a living room, and the corridor will be expanded into a small hall and a grand piano will be put there. In the meantime, there is still no renovation, no bright colors of stained-glass windows and wood in the decoration, official floors and walls, but so dear and wonderful. The chairs are arranged around the perimeter, Shchetinin is right there in the general circle, young and still without his trademark gray mustache (then he is 49 years old), with a brilliant accordion. And then a leisurely story begins … The music is beautiful and the voice is so dynamic, lively, you seem to be looking at the Teacher, but in fact there, in the plot. A small hut stands alone in the forest (there is a detailed description of the forest, trees, sky - everything), and suddenly one day the wind visits it. Strong, cheerful, cheerful. He flies inside, drives around the corners, opens the windows, brings joy and - according to the degree of the narrator's expression - delights the hut. They feel good, she is happy, she is full of life. Everything is described very vividly and in colors, in detail - where what shutter hit, how the tops of the pines rustled, music again helps to concentrate. And now, the moment comes when the wind suddenly … flies away. The hut is yearning, she is sad, she is waiting for him. She is very much looking forward to him. Everything else for her becomes unimportant, unimportant. Her whole life turns into waiting for the wind. And so, he arrives again. The hut is happy. And then it flies away again. The hut is in sorrow. This continues many times, until the listener becomes obvious the moral of this fable: the meaning of life in a hut, waiting for the attention of the wind. Which, in fact, is summed up by Shchetinin: “And your way is to endure and wait,when the wind blows in again. " Everything, in the minds of adolescents, the model of the same relationship with the Teacher was clearly fixed. He specifically acted out his performance in the manipulative formulations he needed: he called the wind the pronoun "he", and addressed the hut directly - "you", that is, each of those present automatically put himself in her place, these are the laws of human perception.
Tell me, adults, what does this legend really mean?.. And then we are girls of 12-15 years old, nothing bothers us, we understand it without an adult connotation, only as a beautiful fairy tale and instruction. The final phrase of the Shtinin theater of one actor also ends very thoughtfully: “And maybe I spent all the philosophy for the sake of one girl … and if she hears me, I will be happy”. Everything, each girl from those present took this shadow on the fence at her own expense. I know this, I was told later that the phrase was addressed directly to her, and not to anyone else.
Many different rumors circulated about Shchetinin. I deliberately do not mention them, because I decided to tell only my story, what happened to me, what I saw with my own eyes. Someone thinks that the whole horror is that terrible rumors can be true, but I think that all the horror is in real control over the human soul, in the formation of a powerful dependence on Shchetinin and Center. Internal restructuring of the soul in such a way that a real person, with his character, disposition, desires and ability to say “yes” or “no”, disappears, and another person appears, who, in principle, is not able to think and choose independently. He will do whatever is told to him. That's what's scary. Everything else is consequences.
Marta Kolesnichkina