Several months ago I started blogging about esotericism. In it I decided to write about what I am interested in - "eternal" questions, interesting facts and theories. It was very pleasant to know that these topics are interesting for my readers too.
I began to receive many letters and messages with questions related to my articles. Most often, I was asked how I remember past lives and how I feel.
Frankly, it's not easy for me to answer this question directly and in detail. By nature, I am a rather closed person, and it is difficult for me to share something personal. Even though I do not publish my photos on the blog, and most of my acquaintances from "ordinary" life do not know about him, it is still not an easy task.
Nevertheless, I have a feeling that those who read my articles will be interested in learning a little more about me, so I'll start my story …
I will illustrate with an example - I will describe how I remembered one of my past lives.
As a rule, before remembering something, I send a request to my soul and subconscious. After a while, an answer comes to me, and usually at that moment when I was already distracted and go about my business.
At that time, everything happened in much the same way. I almost forgot about my question, and suddenly a flood of memories poured in. The first thing I see is a vivid picture - I am a man, about forty years old, dressed in clothes similar to Roman or Greek.
Promotional video:
The surroundings are very rich and cheerful - the girls are dancing, the servants are scurrying about and the music is playing, but I am terribly bad morally.
A wave of emotions rolls over - pain, annoyance, anger and resentment for the whole world. I'm drunk as hell, I look at these girls and wish them death - I want them all to die in agony. I recently lost the one I loved so much, so why should they live?
After "watching" this not very pleasant scene, I start to "wind" back to remember how it all began. I am restoring the picture - judging by the situation, I lived in the Roman Empire and came from a noble and wealthy family. He didn’t need anything, he was attached to a good position thanks to his origin and connections. He took part in meetings where laws were discussed (apparently in the Senate).
I remember that the "then I" personally communicated with the emperor. I think that there may be a "clue" - if I find the name of this emperor in history, then I can restore the years of that life.
I look on the Internet for images of Roman emperors, mostly surviving busts or copies of them. It is almost impossible to understand who my friend is - they are all alike. I read that at that time sculptors had a tradition of giving "noble" features to their clients. Everything is clear, the emperor is most likely not to be identified …
Busts of emperors in the British Museum.
I'm trying to remember what historical events were then. Once again I am convinced that a person's memory captures what he was related to. I remember my life, the faces of my relatives and friends, my home - but I don’t remember any campaigns or wars, because I did not participate in them.
I stop trying to calculate the year and remember further. My life at that time was pretty standard for a person of my circle - not a very burdensome job, a wife from the same noble family, children in whom I was not very interested, and of course a lot of entertainment - mostly drinking with friends. Most of the partying took place, of course, without wives. Then it was considered quite normal that men have fun separately in a circle, as they say now, "women of low social responsibility."
It so happened that among the girls who were summoned to our next feast, there was one with whom I subsequently fell deeply in love. No, she was not a beauty or a famous heterosexual (who then had independence and could behave almost on an equal footing with men). Her name was mainly for "mass events" where a lot of people were required to dance, keep the company and all that followed.
Why did I fall in love with her? Because this person is one of the closest “soul mates” to me. We met in so many lives and often fell in love with each other. Then, of course, I did not know any of this, but for some reason I did not understand, I was drawn to her, although she did not stand out among her “colleagues”. I remember that for the first time in a long time I felt embarrassed when I spoke to her, which never happened to me at such events.
We soon became seriously involved with each other. My beloved was born in the provinces, in a poor family, and in search of a better life moved to the capital. In those days, the life of an ordinary person, especially a woman, was not sweet.
She honestly told me her story - how she lost her parents early and suffered beatings and humiliation from an early age. Violence against women was then in the order of things, especially if there was no one to stand up for them. Her dream was to escape from her hated hometown. After what happened to her there, she considered it a great success to be in Rome, in a brothel where at least paid for her services.
Forum - the main square and center of life in ancient Rome.
I rented a house for her, where she began to live separately, and often visited her. As I learned later, out of eternal fear of poverty, she secretly accepted clients there so as not to be left without funds if I left her. Either then, or even earlier, she contracted a "bad disease" from someone, which soon passed on to me.
I remember the symptoms of the disease and compare them with the description from the Internet - it looks like syphilis. When the “then I” discovered obvious symptoms and realized that it was a new friend, he beat her severely and vowed never to see her again. However, I soon felt sorry for her, and I began to visit her again.
… The disease progressed, and at that moment when it could still be hidden, she asked me for one favor. She wanted to live a life that she never had for a few days. We went to a nearby small town and dressed like wealthy merchants. We walked the streets, went into shops where she, as if by chance, began to talk about our family with her, about several children, and about how we live beautifully.
Shortly after returning, she was poisoned. I guessed about her plans, but I understood that there was no other way out - at that time the disease almost did not give in to treatment. After her death, I tried for some time to drown out mental and physical pains with wine and entertainment. That period, in fact, was the moment that came to mind in the first place.
I did not live long after that, after a while I went into the world in a different way in the same way as my beloved. Unless he calculated the dosage of the poison more accurately so that everything would go away as quickly as possible …
This is where my memories of that life end. It was very painful to remember in places, because all emotions and feelings surged again. Nevertheless, after a while I leave and understand that in general life has turned out to be quite good, despite the sad ending.
Now I foresee the comment of some readers "Well, again, someone remembered himself to be a noble, were they really all aristocrats?.. But what about the peasants and workers?" I can assure you that I remember many such lives too. I happened to be both a peasant, and a poor fisherman, and a rural healer - in general, many others …
And by the way, I was once again convinced that happiness does not depend on wealth and social status. After the recollection of some apparently “prosperous” lives, there remained not just sadness, but tearing pain, which had to be dealt with for several days or even weeks.
Do I regret remembering all this? No, I'm not sorry. No matter how much I remembered the bad, I was always convinced that there was something worth living for. First of all, this is love - no matter what they say, but the happiest moments are associated with it.
And also, undoubtedly, the opportunity to meet close people again, to experience new emotions, to be a person with different views and worldview.
Looking back, I understand that every life was worth living.
Author: Viktorya Nekrasova