I, an inveterate materialist, cannot understand the addiction of my relatives and friends to visiting cemeteries. You can consider me unfeeling and callous, but I don't understand what to do there? You cannot resurrect a loved one, he died anyway, left, left us. And you only stir up the soul, coming up with numerous reasons to "visit" him. All these anniversaries and dates: 9 days, forty, six months, a year; Christian holidays are completely incomprehensible to me. What does the tradition of “visiting” the dead give you, what motivates you when you plant flowers and trees on graves, erect monuments, spend money on fences and other attributes. One must live for the living, here and now, and not for those whose bodies rot deep underground, or the pitiful remnants of ashes are embedded in the wall of the columbarium.
Even if you look at the problem from the point of view of belief in an immortal soul, its transmigration, or waiting for the hour of reckoning somewhere in a specially designated place. That's how it turns out: where you go with flowers, she is not! There, only the body, or rather everything that remains of it. Bones or ash. The soul still does not hear you, does not see, does not observe. She does not care, she is now busy with more important things: moving along the wheel of Samsara or waiting for a place in line for the Last Judgment. To whom do you turn with tears, to a stone tombstone and an expensive fence.
If we take the materialistic theory of human life, then it is even more foolish to come to the cemetery often! But usually, people do not think about the soul until they are covered with someone's death. Most of the relatives become, let's say, very scrupulous in matters of burial, funeral services and other tinsel that accompanies the death of a person. As you understand, I do not belong to this majority.
I believe that you need to love, take care, say some words while you are alive. Should I grieve, in my opinion? Yes but not for long. The sense from constant memories, shedding tears, exhausting yourself and your family with phrases like "but remember what a wonderful person he (she) was!" The key word was "was." Now he's gone. And no matter how much you howl, cry and suffer, you cannot raise the dead. You can lie next to it, but not resurrect. Why then languish from the fact that it is impossible to return everything as it was?
My friends belong to the first, numerous category: far from religion in everyday life, after the death of loved ones, they began to attach great importance to the issues of communication with the deceased. All these signs, prophetic dreams, conversations with the deceased at a distance, endless trips to the grave - the world has narrowed to the size of a cemetery fence. And I will not say that they are some kind of "dark" - young women, broad-minded, with a medical education. But no, the theme of the dead is an inexhaustible source of energy and inspiration!
Well, how much can you grieve, even if someone was very dear to you ?! That's it, flip the calendar page and live on! No, talk about how one of the departed had a dream, what he said, how he looked, does not stop until now. One friend in all seriousness laments that the grandfather is dreaming of everyone except her. Another - constantly spends weekends in the cemetery, near the slab in the wall, where the ashes of her husband lie. As for me, this is a special form of perverted mockery of your consciousness. In my materialistic opinion, there is also a religious position. So she assumes that one should not kill the deceased. No need to call him back, say how bad it is without him, there is not enough love, warmth and kindness.
According to faith, the soul of the deceased suffers terribly from such actions of the living. He can no longer influence earthly existence, he will not be returned, at least in the near future in this body. And the relatives who remained on the ground torment him with their tears and cries. So from a religious point of view, it is often wrong and unethical to visit the dead. They need to "rest".
Recently a friend told a cautionary tale. Her grandfather died a year ago, and the grandmother, who lived with him for many years in love and harmony, cannot come to terms with the loss. Yes, death was sudden, sudden, no one expected that everything would happen in a few minutes. At the cemetery Lyudmila, that is the name of the grandmother, just settled. When I had a free day, I went to him - "to talk".
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And just recently, Lika, my friend, had a dream. Grandfather at home, on his favorite sofa, fast asleep. All relatives are at home, walking, talking loudly, and he continues to sleep. Finally, he wakes up and says to his granddaughter dissatisfied: "Don't bother me to rest, that you all walk and walk!" This ends the dream. It was one of the few dreams with his participation that Lika had dreamed since the death of her grandfather. From this strange plot, a friend made a logical conclusion - a loved one is very dissatisfied with the fact that they constantly visit him, bother him, interfere with sleep. She told about what she saw to the grandmother, and she thought. Over the past year, there was not a single Saturday that she missed and did not go to the cemetery.
Lika herself is far from religion, but after the death of her grandfather, she began to treat this topic more attentively, in her own words. She does not know if she believes in the existence of an immortal soul (Lika is a medic by education). A friend says that this behavior pushes people longing for the departed. But, in my opinion, this is no longer a question of faith, but of psychology. It is necessary to be distracted, let's say, to occupy your free time, to load your head with earthly problems, not to attach importance to any dreams and "signs". But if you imagine that there is a soul, and she is also sad there, then with this dream my grandfather wanted to say that he should not be disturbed in vain. He cannot influence the situation in any way, the past cannot be returned. Death, physical or the departure of the soul to other spheres is an irreversible process, so why torture yourself and the deceased!
The grave is just a burial place, not a repository of an immortal spirit, if any. The wall in the columbarium is only a memorial sign on the ground, there is no body there either: a handful of ashes. The soul, if it ever was, is already far and high. She will not be able to talk to you, as much as you would like it. So I say goodbye to the dead, not goodbye. Yes, I am a callous atheist, and it’s easy for me to live because I can forget.