The famous Polish satirist and philosopher Stanislav Jerzy Lec stated: "You can only get used to the death of others." However, not everyone is able to get used to, that is, to philosophically relate to the very fact of human frailty. Some even develop an obsessive fear of death - thanatophobia.
DANGEROUS AGE
In general, the fear of death (if it does not “roll over”) is an absolutely natural phenomenon, even useful, and is directly related to the instinct of self-preservation. Rather, its complete absence is not entirely normal, and even poses a serious danger to the "brave hero" himself. Such a person lives on the edge, constantly putting his life at serious risk, because, like a small child, he is innocently sure that nothing bad will happen to him. With others - easily, but not with him!
For the first time, a child begins to think about death at the age of 4 - 6 years. Any event or observation can lead to the thought that “we are all perishable in this world” - from withered autumn leaves or an accidentally crushed caterpillar to the death of a friend or relative. Unfortunately, not every adult is able to dispel the baby's fears, find the right words, and calm them down. However, it has been noticed that a child who feels unconditional parental love and acceptance is much easier to cope with any fears, even such serious ones.
The general atmosphere in the family also plays an important role: children of positive, life-loving parents rarely get hung up on dark thoughts.
By the way, creepy children's "horror stories" about ominous green gloves, a coffin on wheels and others are aimed precisely at combating this primitive fear. Experiencing the "most terrible fear" for fun, the child gradually gets rid of it, at least, the acuity of perception goes away.
The next dangerous age when a healthy instinct can turn into a phobia is 13 - 15 years. Teenagers are known to be maximalists, but some are especially. A clear awareness of the fact that all people die can lead an impressionable guy or girl to even suicidal thoughts. At first glance, an absurd idea: why strive for death if you are afraid of it? But teenagers have their own logic: since death is inevitable, then life is just a long wait for the end. Why suffer for so long if you can hasten the inevitable finale? Approximately so thought adolescents who tried to take their lives "for philosophical reasons." Naturally, they did not realize that such ideas are a clear sign of actively developing thanatophobia.
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Of course, at this age, parental authority is questioned, and your reasoning about how wonderful life is, may seem superficial to an impressionable teenager. So if you notice disturbing symptoms, try to show your almost adult child to a specialist.
FEAR … OF LIFE
It happens that thanatophobia first appears in adulthood, moreover, in people who until some time did not suffer from any psychological and mental disorders. But one day a person finds himself in a traumatic situation - for example, he is experiencing the death of a loved one or he himself is on the verge of death (due to an accident or a serious illness). Fear develops under the influence of severe stress, mainly when people have to "face death".
Even a layperson can distinguish natural instinct from phobia, especially when it comes to difficult cases. In people suffering from a severe form of thanatophobia, the fear of death is more similar to the fear of life: the unfortunate are afraid of everything in the world - from germs to falling bricks, and therefore reduce communication with the outside world to a minimum, and sometimes even stop leaving the house altogether. And in such a situation, only a psychotherapist will help. But often people lead a normal, at first glance, life - only they cannot get rid of obsessive thoughts about death. As a result, every day turns into a nightmare: it's scary to get on a bus (what if there is a fatal accident?), It's scary to communicate with others (after all, there may be infectious ones among them), in a word, it's scary to live. Constant mental stress leads to somatic problems: tremors, dizziness, migraines,drops in blood pressure, heart failure, etc. It turns out that if you are very afraid of death, then involuntarily you approach it …
REMOVING THE MASKS
If the fear of death is already noticeably complicating your life, but you still do not consider this condition normal, first of all, you need to try to understand what exactly you are afraid of. Don't rush to answer. Because often thanatophobia masks completely different fears.
For example, fear of losing control of a situation. Anxious people who do not trust the world, always strive to keep their finger on the pulse. And the awareness of the fact that death is inevitable, despite any efforts, can bring them to a panic state. So in such a situation it is necessary, first of all, to work with anxiety.
Fear of "hellish torment". Some believers take religious dogmas too literally, in a medieval way, and absolutely seriously believe that devils with pans await sinners in hell. Well, even if not so primitive: eternal wanderings of the soul. If someone has such thoughts, the best medicine is talking to a priest.
Fear of pain and suffering. Yes, many are afraid not of the fact of death itself, but of serious diseases with a fatal outcome. They are afraid to become a burden for loved ones, to spend the last years of their life in weakness. This fear is most susceptible to people with "bad heredity", whose relatives have died from serious ailments. And in this case it is important to understand that, firstly, hereditary predisposition is not a sentence at all. It is far from a fact that you will develop the same disease from which your great-grandmother suffered for so long. And secondly, with your negative experiences, you only increase the risks. Don't forget: thought is material.
Of course, these are not all the fears that lie under the guise of thanatophobia. The main thing that I would like to convey to you, dear readers, is the fact that the most terrible fear is quite possible to overcome - there would be desire. And, of course, remember about prevention: an active, fulfilling life and optimism. Do not be afraid of death - and be happy!
Evgeniy TARASOV, candidate of psychological sciences, psychotherapist of the highest category