We have a difficult period in the yard. Difficult for both men and women. For each in its own way. Each of us has our own test, our own exams, our own recipes. And what is the most important thing for women during the crisis? Anyone - not only economic, but also personal and professional?
Don't stop wanting. Under no circumstances
There is a crisis in the yard, there is no money … And what does a woman do first of all? Clamping. Not only in the realization of their desires, but also in the desires themselves as such.
She not only does not buy herself a dress - she pretends that she does not want a dress. In general, he temporarily “turns off” his ability to desire, so as not to irritate himself or her husband. She does it quickly. I have experience.
We have gone through so many crises that we have learned to shrink instinctively. Instantly. Once - that's all. Collapsed, shrank. Has already given up desires, plans, huddled in a hole, they say, I don't even need gifts for the New Year, everything is so complicated, and we have little money, but what if there … The best gift is a TV program and Olivier. The husband asks, what do you want, the answer is nothing. And she will masterfully convince herself of this. She herself will believe that she does not need anything. What can we say about her husband.
Even if this crisis did not affect her family, she will still “want” the gifts she dreamed of just in case. Why do I need a ring, now there is no time for rings, and we will not go to Bali, because the dollar has grown somehow strongly. I don't know what we have to do with it and what the dollar has to do with it. But everywhere there is a crisis, which means it's time to "collapse". For every fireman. You never know what.
It is easier to survive this way - when you are not distracted by everything "superfluous", only the most necessary. There is no need to decide where to spend money and time - only the top priority. Everything that was not included in the list of basic necessities is unnecessary. And the list is so ascetic - light, buckwheat, diapers and pasta. Of course, not a single dress, not a bachelorette party, not a single trip to the sea will sneak in there. They clearly belong to the "Superfluous" category. So throw it away without regret.
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In order not to worry too much, a woman will not just push her desire to "someday later", she will generally delete it, erase it, destroy it. So as not to torment her and torment her husband. Out of good intentions. You know where the road is covered with.
We learned this in childhood - using the examples of mothers and our own. How during the crisis food disappeared in the house, how my mother darned her nylon tights with tears in her eyes, how we wore the same dress for a matinee for the second year in a row, and Santa Claus brought us sneakers for physical education instead of a doll. Because the doll is superfluous.
We learned to live without desires, we learned to survive, we learned to "collapse" urgently. But we forgot about something. We have not learned a few things. Live.
Desires are a sign of our life
After all, a woman's desires are a reflection of her “liveliness”. If she is alive, then there are desires. If there is no desire, she is a “zombie”. Desires can be different, not necessarily a dress or a trip, they are not always strictly material. The desire to take a walk in the park, feed the squirrels, move the curtains, move the closet, visit … Desires are a woman's nature. By pinching your desires, you pinch your feminine nature. And then you can wonder for a long time where everything went and why. Do you know how many women I meet who do not know what they want, and therefore harass themselves and their loved ones?
Having desires does not mean demanding their fulfillment immediately. This does not mean that without all this you are unhappy and sad.
To have desires is to acknowledge your right to desire.
Recognize your right to be alive and real. Sincere.
Having desires does not mean being an unhappy sinner who cannot in any way renounce everything material. What a horror, shame and sin! It is necessary to think about the fate of humanity, and she - new earrings! But a woman is generally not capable and should not be a hermit and an ascetic. Having been born a woman, you are by default connected with the material side of life firmly and for a long time. Then why try to get rid of what is your nature?
If a woman to the question: "What do you want?" cannot find an answer for more than a couple of minutes - something is wrong with her. A living and real woman will almost immediately say what she wants - to eat, sleep, take a bath, massage, cut her hair, go to her mother … or at least think, voicing just one thing. And only a living woman can be happy. The zombie can survive, but live - no longer.
I know one girl who told everyone that she really wanted to get married. At the same time, it is absolutely clear that she does not want to get married at all. But there was a man, very decent, began to court. So what? For five years now she has been harassing herself and him. Because he's kind of good, you have to take it, but it seems like you don't want to get married. And what she herself wants in this situation, she does not know. For five years now. You can't envy a man.
Do you know what you want? Do you have desires? Or have you already managed to throw them into the trash can, pretend that nothing happened? And haven't you lost with them a part of your feminine essence?
Let's change our "crisis programs"? I propose this anti-crisis plan:
1. A living woman is better than a comfortable one
On the other hand, a woman who doesn't need anything is comfortable. She doesn't need anything, which means she doesn't need to do anything for her. On a short distance this is true. But in the long run, a "zombie" who doesn't want anything is more expensive.
A zombie can not only desire, but also experience feelings. Her feelings are blocked along with desires. And it seems to rustle around the house, cooks, but something is wrong. She is either paralyzed inside, or frozen, or under mental anesthesia, or in a lethargic sleep. And it's just not clear what exactly is wrong. This is annoying. And those who come to her for warmth and leave even more frozen. And those who want to stay alive next to such a mummy.
And it’s hard for a woman to be dead. Living is also not easy - you need to experience feelings and desires, accept, love, forgive. Switching off this entire device is convenient, again, at a short distance. On a long life journey, she will be unbearably lonely, painful and difficult. She cannot be happy, love. After all, even for this, you first need to want. How does it feel to want? She doesn't even remember.
2. Our desires create opportunities for men
In a crisis, there are opportunities for our men. A lot of. For growth and development. For new things, for new horizons. This is an opportunity to be reborn in your field of activity, to change. A lot to start from scratch. But for them to take advantage of these opportunities, they need to have happy and inspired women by their side. Women who look after themselves have desires and are not pinched by fear. And who believe in their capabilities even in a crisis. Women who have desires and at the same time know how to handle their desires. Be happy anyway.
Let's go to Bali - great! We won't go - it's good here too. And I? I want to go to Bali. This is something like the wording of the desire for a happy woman. Whatever it is. Then the man loses his fear and can act. After all, otherwise the burden on him is too great - to make his beloved unhappy and become a non-man in his own eyes.
If there is no way to get what you want right now, this is not a reason to refuse. Just put your wish in the someday when the opportunity arises box. You should not consider your desire bad if it came in a difficult period for you or your husband. The desire is always good. And tell your man the same - I want, but not right now. Someday. When the opportunity arises. I feel good now, but then it will be good in general. But he will believe you only if you yourself will feel it all this way inside.
3. No desire comes to us without the opportunity to realize it
That is, the possibility of realizing the desired is already inherent in the desire itself. You just have to wait more often. How long to wait depends on the size of your desire. Sometimes it will not come quite in the form you expected. My friend dreamed of going to Bali, but it didn't work out. And once her wish came true, but she went there to shoot a movie, and not wallow on the beach. Although, of course, in the end I combined the useful and the pleasant.
If you want a new dress, then your husband can buy it for you. Maybe not this month, but next. Maybe not red, but green. And not this brand, but another. Maybe it will be even better than what you are dreaming about now. Or maybe it will be exactly the same - and it will wait for you at the sale exactly in your size. Nobody knows exactly how it will come true.
Everything is possible. Recently, the whole world was collecting a little boy for an operation. Euro grew faster than collected, the amount was already huge. On the last day, an unrealistic amount of six million remained. And they collected it. Almost seven. So don't hesitate. Everything is possible. Everything is real. And relax on this topic.
4. Write down desires - this will help to let them go
The more fixated on something, the harder it is to come true. And the more difficult it is for you to live with it. Constant control - came true, did not come true, when, how, why …
Desires are of a feminine nature, which means that they are flexible, like us, and just as incapable of existing in total control and constant pressure. Loosen your grip. Relax. And write down all your wishes on paper.
When we write a list of one hundred wishes, we are not only developing our ability to desire. We are still letting them out of our heads. We free up the space of our life from hundreds of little "wants" that prevent us from sleeping peacefully.
Write your list. In it you can find your peace of mind - once it is written, then you can no longer worry - there will be. In it, you can understand a lot about yourself. For example, to find desires that are not yours at all, on which you spend a lot of energy and nerves, but they never come true.
An attempt to replace our desires with others is also a sign of our "paralysis". It's easier. They said that I must wish, now I wish. What can you wish? Let there be a car like in this movie, a house like Masha and grandchildren for my mother, whom she wants. So I collected desires. But are they her? And do they have some kind of force, energy? Or are they the same paralyzed, artificially glued and alien?
The power of life is only in your desires, which come from your heart.
They come true - they make you a little more joyful. And no other people's desire, having come true, will not make you more pleasant even by a gram.
5. Spiritualize your desires
Another dangerous trap with desires is to become their slave. When they control you, not you control them. When all life turns into a pursuit of sense gratification and nothing more.
Desires are great. But desires are different. And besides the desire to have something, it is worth learning to desire something else. For example, to become someone. Not just having children, but becoming a mother. Not just having a husband, but becoming a good wife. Etc.
And then there is the category of desires “to learn”. Learn to embroider, knit, cook, sing, dance. These are great desires, because they develop your inner world and stay with you always, do not depreciate and do not become outdated.
And there are also desires - to give. For example, help a child, take an orphan into a house, help build a temple, create a center for helping people. Etc.
Do you have such desires? Desires that can change your life and raise it to a higher moral level?
Just do not need to cross out the new dress, I beg you. Helping sick children does not conflict with the fact that you want to be beautiful. Both of these desires are capable of existing at the same time, and there is nothing terrible about that.
If you are not a nun, you should not live only for others. And who can you light the way for if you spare the money to change your light bulb? Find your balance between desires for yourself and desires for others.
Here is an anti-crisis plan. Do you agree? Then let's get down to business - we help husbands realize their potential, achieving our small and big desires, dream of improving the world and ourselves, write down, let go … And remember, yes? We remain happy in any case.
Olga Valyaeva