Anger, anger, frustration, resentment. Confusion, guilt, shame. Fatigue, fear, discontent. This is just a short list of the feelings that a person can evoke in others with a little practice in the art of manipulation, or abuse. Abuser is an honorable and worthy profession, considering how many people are engaged in this craft.
For some it is a hobby, others have been manipulating since childhood, as Mozart composed music, some have been doing it for years and proudly call themselves veterans. For those who want to learn how to make people feel insignificant without telling them to their face, I have compiled a short dictionary of phrases in the abusive language, with comments.
Subheadings will help to classify approaches, combine them and achieve better results: alas, many resist abuse or are simply mentally stable; in the fight against such, you will have to show flexibility, perseverance and self-control. In especially difficult cases, ask for advice from cloakroom attendants, employees of museums, passport offices and municipal services, traffic inspectors, and call center employees.
Criticism
“No offense, but …” and “Learn to accept criticism” are a great way to safely spit in someone's eye under the guise of good intentions. If you want to humiliate someone, but do not want to study the subject of his professional activity.
“Where are you, with your data” and “This is for your own good” - the so-called fake care, works with inexperienced clients, such as adolescents. Those who want to bind an object to themselves and prevent it from being separated.
"But Sasha's is better" - a popular recipe for lowering self-esteem, surprisingly good for people of any age. For widespread use in marriage and parenting.
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“You're always offended” and “This is a joke” are options for retreating if the object resists.
Depreciation
“Others out without legs - and nothing” and “I would have your problems” are a classic way to make it clear that the feelings of another worry you no more than the shortage of toilet paper in Venezuela.
"But you are smart" and "You were so ugly" - are in demand in the female practice of manipulation, does not allow the object to feel attractive. Use if you need a gratuitous workforce that will never marry, and if successful, will not even lose her virginity.
I want to? I’m not talking to you”and“There’s nothing of yours here”are quite simple techniques, nevertheless, they are suitable for suppressed subjects who already realize that the price of their desires is a nickle on market day.
Ageism
"Live with mine", "Don't argue with your elders" - elegantly reduces the opponent's competence to zero. So you explain that life experience is always equal to the sum of the years lived, so he can keep his opinion to himself. It is best if the disputant depends on you financially.
"Grow up", "Why are you so little" and "Let's get serious." Seriousness is a great weapon for someone who has no arguments. A "serious person" is by definition better, smarter, and earns more than a frivolous one. It is not surprising that serious people are most often found among cloakroom attendants, museum workers, passport offices, traffic inspectors and other people with a high income.
“You have to be able to spin”, “Others at your age already…” and “It's high time to understand that…” - has anyone canceled the everyday aplomb of Zoshchenko's heroes? and this should be used. Push the well-known norms of who and at what age must achieve what. In case of confusion, use the construction "Any fool knows this" - it is invariably discouraging.
Shame
“Be a man” and “Don't be a woman” are the mottos of great striking power. They mean the same thing and do not get boring if you alternate on time. Remember what part of our society identifies itself with the help of the codes of the so-called Man and Baba, and you will understand that this is a real name day of hearts and a bright source of inspiration for the abuser.
"Come on without snot" and "Pull yourself together, rag" - deprive the recipient of the opportunity to show emotions. You will see him choke on irritation or resentment, earning excellent insomnia, gastritis and chronic illness. Use with caution: frequent use of spells will lose their power, cause anger and can cost the abuser physical damage. If getting beatings is your goal, speak more often in front of witnesses. An excellent blackmail tool.
"Look at You" and "What Will People Say?" - are popular with older school abusers or patriarchal attitudes. In recent years, however, the effect has been weakening due to generational change, the spread of the Internet and liberal viruses. Still in vogue among so-called traditional societies and religious fundamentalists. If you are an old school adherent and this method is dear to you, consider moving to a more convenient country.
"You are such an egoist" - translated: "My desires are more important than yours." The main thing is not to let the client wonder why. For this, the word "egoist" must be fed from early childhood, negatively coloring. More often say that an egoist is a vile asocial type, and the duty of every decent person is to sacrifice himself for the benefit of others.
Wines
Foundation, gospel, manipulation periodic table. The volume of the article does not allow even the main examples to be cited, but it is enough to remember only a quote from the Abyuse Primer: everything that causes guilt is good for manipulation.
Starting with the theme “I raised you with these hands”, the client goes through the stages “Gave the best years” to the funeral “I put my whole life on you”. Tremors, enuresis, suppressed reflexes, loss of libido and weight, high blood pressure, disability, or suicide are a short list of the consequences of chronic guilt.
Intimidation
You are already thirty years old "and" When are the kids? " - play the fertility card. To this day, childbearing is considered by many to be the main function of a person (women in particular). Some practitioners think the method is outdated; however, judging by the reaction of the victims, it still works just as well as the famous textbook "clock that ticks".
"You will go the streets of revenge", "Finish on the panel" and "Unlearn a lawyer and do what you want" are useful for parents to maintain control. Instills in children skepticism, fear of the future and the eternal expectation of a negative scenario; develops a useful sense of the "Elder" who "knows best."
Street cleaners and prostitutes are still at the bottom of the social hierarchy, to which I am very surprised. Judging by their earnings and benefits, these are respected and worthy citizens who not only make life more comfortable and easier, but also serve to prevent crime, which cannot be said about lawyers.
Masochism
The method is reduced to the paradigm “I suffered - and you suffer”. The idea of the value of suffering is not new, and in our culture it is sufficiently reflected in literature and painting: refer to the works of F. Dostoevsky, A. Chekhov, I. Repin, N. Gogol, K. Bryullov and others.
"Life is pain", "There is such a word -" must ", "Everyone lives like this", "The camel has two humps, because life is a struggle" - this is how you ignore the needs of the subject and turn off empathy, saving yourself time and energy.
Traditionally, the popular move is "Spoil the child" - it is important to teach a person from an early age that his desires and feelings only interfere with others.
Passive aggression
“Guess what I'm offended by”, “You should have guessed” and “I know what you meant” - the so-called telepathic test.
The client must remember that people are obliged to read minds and easily understand what the abuser wants and how he feels. In practice, the approach requires patience, since it contradicts the facts known from the school curriculum, but it gives excellent results. The task is to cause guilt by the fact that our thoughts were not read, and our desires were not guessed.
“And you always” and “You never” - the reproach was and will remain in the arsenal of the manipulator as a reliable tool of humiliation and gaslighting (see below). It deprives the chances of correcting the situation, the client feels hopelessness and apathy. Alternate from time to time so as not to become boring.
“I Told You” is the first part of the shock combo; Build on your success with What's the Difference Now and Aw, Everything!
“No, it's okay, it's just …” - for connoisseurs of indirect abuse who want to harass slowly and with taste.
Non-acceptance
The immortal classic "I want you to be …" is sung by the best of manipulators. Under the guise of good advice, we persuade the client to suspect that we are inferior. Let him begin to wonder what is wrong with him.
"People like you need …" - a variant of the same spell.
“Be above this” and “Be simpler” look elegant - this way we will wean the object to defend itself both emotionally and physically, and also suggest that having a difficult inner world is a shame.
"It's impossible to talk to you" - translated: "I don't want to listen to you." It works best if you immediately hang up the phone, as they say, the results will pleasantly surprise you.
Gaslighting
A term meaning "instilling doubt in a client's mind." In this method, unshakable confidence is decisive: deny, obscure, hint, mock, and humiliate.
Clients never remember the details of a conversation; moreover, they are not ready for the fact that their words can distort and distort events. As soon as the victim "swam", blame as absurd as possible so that she feels that she is going crazy: "It never happened", "I never said that", "It's not me, it's you", "You made it up", "It seemed to you", "You forgot, but I remember" and "You are lying."