Almost every person at least once in his life had a desire to give up everything - and give up, say, Bali. Or in the village to my aunt, in the wilderness, in Saratov. Or urgently divorce / marry. Or adopt a Chinese girl. Or … There are countless options. The main thing in such a situation is not to succumb to a momentary desire, even if at that moment it seems the most prudent.
You can't run away from yourself
However, life shows that there are not so few “daredevils” who dared literally overnight to change their lives and start everything from scratch, especially in our stressful and hectic times, when just sitting down and thinking about yourself and your destiny is already a luxury. And so yesterday's ripening gendir acquires a house in the village (not a mansion, but a dilapidated hut), enthusiastically picks up an instrument, trying to tweak, fix, fix something, and early in the morning goes fishing: here it is - a dream …
Or, for example, a respectable mother of a family, a respectable wife, deciding that the children are already old enough and no longer need her care, and her husband is already constantly at work, therefore, perhaps, will not notice her absence, leaves a note on the refrigerator: they say, love, kiss, goodbye - and take the next flight to New York, Paris or Minsk, for example. There she has neither relatives nor acquaintances - but a new life from scratch. Perhaps someone will decide that such actions are worthy of respect. After all, many would like to do the same - but only a few dare. So for adventurers of all kinds and stripes - honor and praise, right?
But here let me disagree with you. There are thousands of people who left behind work, family, problems and all kinds of unpleasant memories. And only a few manage to become truly happy. And it's not at all about their exceptional business or emotional qualities. They are just different. Exceptions to the rule. Well, our task is to understand the problem from the standpoint of the majority. So, consider whether our successful manager will enjoy life in nature. Or rather, how long will his euphoria last? A couple of weeks, or even a few days. Then he will miss the noisy metropolis, and most importantly, he will understand: all his problems remained with him. You cannot hide from them either in the Russian wilderness or overseas. And a similar story will be repeated with the housewife. But to the former dissatisfaction with life, a weighty feeling of guilt will surely be added.
What can you do if you want to escape from your usual life to the ends of the world, but essentially you cannot change your fate?
Promotional video:
Simple questions
Ask yourself: what exactly does not suit you in the current situation? All? Well, then, in order.
Does hating work get in the way of enjoying life? Or do you love what you do, just have taken too high a pace, so that there is no more time for anything? Having trouble finding peace of mind after a breakup or divorce? Do you want to enjoy life, build relationships, develop professionally - and everyone around you insists that it is time to think about your family and children? Or do you feel like a complete failure in comparison with successful colleagues and former classmates - and therefore there is a desire to run away to hell, where there are no limousines, no platinum credit cards, no metrosexuals, whether they are wrong? Of course, the reasons for dissatisfaction with the current state of affairs can be very different. The main thing is to understand what is fundamentally not suitable for you personally. Perhaps nothing terrible is happening at all and you, excuse me, are just bored?
Be that as it may, get to the bottom of the matter, understand why you are so unhappy. If there are multiple problems, make a list (in descending order of importance). Do not rush, supplement it, if necessary, change items: the main reason for your dissatisfaction with fate should come first.
Who is to blame and what to do?
When the list is ready, re-read it carefully and start working with each problem in the first place. Suppose it turned out that you have not a life, but hard labor, because many years ago, as a good girl / boy, you listened to your parents and went to study as an accountant. And they wanted to be a ballerina. Or a sea captain. Let's not be cunning: if you are well over 40 (and in some cases, even over 20), you will not be accepted into the ballet or the navy. But surely there are other professions that are interesting to you or, at least, do not cause disgust (as opposed to the daily counting of other people's money or mechanical translation of other people's smart thoughts from English, for example). Surely there is such an occupation, and more than one. And it is not too late to learn it at 30, 40 or 60 - there would be a desire. And you don't need to go to Bobruisk for this. And if you do decide, then at least you will know why. By the way, when you get rid of the first item on your list, perhaps all the rest will not seem so significant. Well, if they are still relevant, work with them in the same way.
Perhaps someone will object - they say, everything is quite simple with work: he found a job to his liking - and solved the lion's share of problems. And when is there a nightmare in the family and a bleeding wound in the heart?
First of all, let's deal with the "nightmare". Let's start with a story worthy of a crime drama. The maniac husband rushes around the house with an ax. Here, of course, you have to run away, grabbing a bunch of children and some savings (if any), and on the way also report to the police.
Well, what if not a maniac, but a quiet unemployed alcoholic who poisons your life year after year? Here, too, radical measures are needed - but without unnecessary fuss and tragedy. Connect a lawyer and, if necessary, a psychologist to solving the problem. And then decide where it will be more comfortable for you to start life from scratch - on the next street or in another country (naturally, in both the first and second cases, it is important to understand what you are going to do, what you will win, what you have to sacrifice).
Well, what if the "nightmare" is the so-called loneliness together? In such a situation, you should not rush at all. It is possible that several sessions with a family psychologist will solve your problem (provided there is a mutual desire to improve relations). And, perhaps even, you will go to Alaska or Cuba, for example - but together! If you have to part, you definitely need to find out why the relationship is at an impasse, what mistakes you both made - so that in the future, in your new life, you do not step on the old rake.
Your life your rules
Of course, the problems of dissatisfaction with life are not limited to this. We only needed to prove that it is not always wise to follow impulsive impulses. And the desire to start from scratch alone does not guarantee happiness - if you are trying to build a new life without getting rid of the burden of old problems. And even a trip to distant lands in such a situation will not save.
But what about businessmen who leave comfortable offices and leave for the countryside? Or humble clerks who set out to conquer a foreign country - and succeed in a few years? Or are ordinary housewives who, in their hometown, in their apartment, radically change their own lives, abandoning everything that was once considered important and valuable? And yet they all really feel happy!
Yes, sometimes radical changes are necessary - but they will bring satisfaction only if a person knows exactly what he wants, when he has decided on priorities, freed himself from stereotypes, solved all his problems - and lives happily for himself. Rich or very modest. With family or alone. In a small homeland or on another continent. Because now he can afford it.
Olga MITINA, psychologist