Amazing business! Dogs, for example, perfectly understand their relatives without any words. A movement of the tail, growl or whine is enough for both parties to come to an agreement or, on the contrary, scatter home. They can fight, but not because they "misunderstood each other." Even if they are of different breeds, even if one is "American" and the other is "Georgian". The same goes for cats, horses, mice, monkeys. So why is it so difficult for the most highly developed mammals - humans - to find a common language? And how can you find it?
The recipe for success is in an article by psychologist, master of NLP Tina GEORGIEVSKAYA.
THE CURSE OF BABYLON
God punished people for their pride by destroying the tower with which they intended to ascend to heaven. He mixed languages, and yesterday's like-minded people ceased to understand each other.
So, the tongue - the greatest gift of God, like many other gifts, became a curse for man. Even if you perfectly master a foreign language: learn all the rules, put the pronunciation, enrich your vocabulary, it will still not become native. The French, Russians, Japanese, Eskimos will remain strangers as long as there are different concepts behind the symbols-words, different history, different associations.
But it's not just the language barrier that exists between people of different nationalities. Formally, we can speak one language and at the same time do not understand the interlocutor at all. "We communicate in different languages" - after such words, the discussion usually stops, any attempts to come to an agreement become meaningless.
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ENCRYPTED WORLD
Why is this happening? The fact is that the reality that we see, hear, feel, is perceived by the brain indirectly, in an "encrypted" form, and only then is transformed by consciousness into certain symbols. But the keys to these ciphers are different for everyone.
Some people pass information mainly through visual "filters", think in images, forms, colors - these are the so-called visuals. Others need to touch everything, "taste it", feel - these are kinesthetics. Audials experience the world primarily through hearing. For them, the main thing is sounds: their timbre, pitch, rhythm. There is also a fourth group - digitalals: they think in logical categories, in their perception the images are encrypted into verbal constructions, which must be spoken within themselves in order to gain "access" to them.
So, if the interlocutors use different "codes", then it can be difficult to understand each other. Remember at least an anecdote that perfectly reflects the essence of the problem: "Honey, how I would like you and me to be like these beautiful white swans!" (visual).
"Brr, what disgusting … Bare ass in cold water!" (kinesthetic).
Of course, all this does not mean that the visual does not hear or feel anything, and the kinesthetic only feels, but he is deaf and dumb. But for most people, a certain system is the leading one, in which we are able to distinguish the most subtle shades. It is this most developed system that “includes” the rest. If I am an auditory, then when I remember the sea, first of all, I will “hear” the sound of the surf, the noise of the wind, the cries of seagulls. And only then I will “see” a picture corresponding to these images, and, possibly, “feel” the salty taste on my lips and the touch of a gentle wave. If for me reasoning, logical constructions are primary, then all these images, sounds, sensations will arise in me at the word “sea”.
None of the systems are "worst" or "best". It's just that the phone is not capable of transmitting information written on a sheet of paper, even in very good handwriting. And the fax is not intended to display the intonation with which you dictated the text. Why are "filters" needed? Why can't we perceive reality objectively, without cuts? The fact is that a person is consciously able to simultaneously process only seven units of information, while only the visual channel in a split second passes a million information from the outside world. If it were not for the saving "filters", the capacity of our brain would be completely used up in a few tens of minutes!
But perception systems are by no means the only "filters" that "sift" information and shape our individual experience, our unique vision (hearing, feeling, understanding) of the world.
Such “filters” can be personal values, memories, the ability to think strategically or tactically, the habit of operating with large or small blocks of information, treating time as an endless stream or as a drawn calendar sheet, and so on …
ERA OF VISUALS
"Filters" are formed depending on genetics, as well as under the influence of the circumstances in which the personality develops. For example, in modern society, visuals and kinesthetics are most common. This is not surprising: television, the Internet, print media - any media is focused on visual perception. And it’s easy to imagine our whole life in the form of a “running line”, where the speed of reading determines the quality of life. And if your eye is so "trained" that you can follow several objects at the same time, then the chances of success increase several times. It is really convenient for visuals to exist in the “creeping line” mode, so now there are much more of them than, for example, audials. There are also quite a few kinesthetics:people who “feel” always have a chance to protect themselves from unnecessary information and not to depend on an endless kaleidoscope of images, to withdraw into themselves, create and protect their inner world.
It is difficult for people "hearing and sounding" to live in a big city: you have to shout too loud to be heard, it is too difficult to distinguish what is important for you in the general noise, it is almost impossible to hide from the sound debris that haunts you from morning until late at night. Therefore, if “pure” audials have survived in the world, it is perhaps in the wild, where your life depends on your hearing acuity. In the throat of civilization, such people often go deaf, both literally and figuratively: they build an invisible psychological barrier between the aggressive sound environment - and as a result, they stop hearing even what they would like, and they themselves speak more and more quietly and indistinctly …
SPECIAL SIGNS
Is everything really so neglected ?! Is it possible that the audial will never hear kinesthetic, and the digital cannot understand the visual? Can't you change the "filters"? Fortunately, you can. And not so much to change as to increase their own set of "keys" for encrypting and decrypting information. To tune in to the same wavelength with the interlocutor, you just need to learn how to operate with those words (mainly verbs and adjectives) that are natural for his "coordinate system". But first, of course, you need to determine who you are dealing with. The easiest way to do this is through language analysis. It is very convenient if you have a written text (and not a stingy memo, but a letter or a personal diary) - then you can study the “foreign language” thoughtfully, without rushing. But, alas, such luck rarely happens. Therefore, you have to navigate in the course of the conversation. Try to start the conversation with some neutral topic, even about the weather: this way you can analyze the interlocutor's speech without being distracted by the content.
There are other “markers” that help to understand what language the interlocutor speaks. By external signs, it is easiest to recognize "visual" and "kinesthetic". The visual is characterized by shallow, "chest" breathing, fast speech, the direction of gaze and gestures above the "horizon line".
The kinesthetic breathes deeply, "belly", easily blushes and turns pale, speaks slowly, as if listening to his feelings, his eyes are usually directed downward. He can put his hand on your shoulder or at least touch you lightly while talking. The audio is different in that it thinks and speaks consistently, with difficulty jumping from topic to topic and after such a jump, most likely, it will return to the beginning of the conversation. His gaze often moves horizontally, somewhere at ear level. And the digital will shoot with his eyes in the direction to the right and down - this means that he is conducting an internal dialogue.
SIMULTANEOUS TRANSLATION
So let's get down to practice. If you are a visual, do not expect to “show brilliant perspectives” or “clarify the picture” to your kinesthetic colleague. Try to make him “feel deep meaning” and “feel the power of attraction” of your suggestions.
Create a dictionary of "parallel" words for yourself. For example: “to see clearly” (visual) - “to hear clearly” (audial) - “deeply feel” (kinesthetic) - “understand well” (digital). "Dull, gray" for the visual is "monotonous, dull" for the auditor. "Dry and tasteless" for a kinesthetic is "banal, uninteresting" for a digital. Imagine that audial, visual and kinesthetics were offered to "figure it out for three." “Sounds good,” the audial will say. “What a bright idea!” The visual exclaims. "This thought, perhaps, warms me …" - the kinesthetic will respond.
Practice quick "simultaneous translation" using the same TV as a simulator, or even better - a video that can be played several times in a row. Pretty soon you will be able not only to establish contact with people living in a “different model of the world”, with those whom you previously did not understand simply “due to a misunderstanding”, but also to expand the boundaries of your own perception, to enrich your inner world.