The Middle Ages were a cruel time. People were beheaded and hanged, burned at bonfires and boiled in boiling water, trampled by horses and cut with swords for the slightest offense and even without any real guilt. But for some of the heroes and villains of the Middle Ages, a death was prepared much more cruel than others - a death that frightened contemporaries and terrified descendants.
King burned through
King Edward II of England, who ruled in the XIV century, had a bad reputation. He openly neglected his wife, Queen Isabella, preferring to show attention to young men and not even hiding it. Insulted Isabella decided to take revenge. In 1327, at the instigation of the Queen, Edward II was dethroned, and then imprisoned at Berkeley Castle in Gloucestershire, where he was killed by order of the Queen in a brutal way, literally planted on a red-hot iron rod. In such a cruel way, the queen took revenge on her husband for unconventional sexual addictions.
Black Feast
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King James II of Scotland, who ruled in the middle of the 15th century, was very unhappy with the Douglas clan, which, possessing great power, sought, according to the king, to overthrow him from the throne. The evil and vengeful king, in order to lull the suspicion of William, Earl of Douglas, invited him and his family to a feast. The guests drank and rejoiced when in the middle of the feast they put the head of a black bull on the table. This was the signal for the massacre. By order of James, the two sons of the Earl of Douglas were dragged into the courtyard and beheaded. According to legend, the eldest son begged to kill him first, so as not to look at the suffering of his younger brother. It is said that this historic event formed the basis for the episode of the "red wedding" in the series "Game of Thrones".
Stabbed by his wife in a dream
This terrible incident, a living illustration of medieval ignorance, has been preserved in historical chronicles. In 1276, the Englishman John Claricle was killed by his own wife. Apparently, the man had a nightmare at night, or maybe he was just restlessly sleeping - one way or another, his wife Joan, waking up, found that the husband sleeping next to him was talking in his sleep, waving his arms and kicking. The poor woman decided that the devil had taken possession of her husband, and therefore, without thinking for a long time, she cut his throat with the blade of her scythe, and then grabbed him so hard on the head with the shaft that his head cracked. Most likely, the woman was not even punished: fighting the devil is a harsh business.
Death theater
In medieval theaters, the situation with props was much worse than it is now. Because of this, all sorts of incidents sometimes happened, including tragic ones, as, for example, during the performance dedicated to the feast of the Corpus Christi in medieval Newcastle. In the course of the play, three actors were to fire their guns. The guns, of course, were not fake, but real, which the actors needed to protect themselves from robbers. Alas, the props had forgotten to discharge them - so when the actors fired a volley, two spectators - a boy and a grown man - fell dead. This story has been preserved for more than a century in the collection of urban legends in Newcastle.
Burnt in a blanket
Charles II, who ruled Navarre and Burgundy in the XIV century, not in vain bore the nickname "Evil". He was responsible for many deaths, and yet his own death was the most terrible of them. In 1387 Charles fell ill with leprosy. The court physician called in to help prescribed a strange remedy: the king should be regularly sewn into a blanket soaked in brandy, allowing the skin to be properly soaked in the drink. During one of the sessions, when the king was taking this compress, the candle placed by the doctor on the bed fell, and the king flared up like a candle. There was no time to help him.
Deadly Christmas games
Not only executions, but also games in the Middle Ages were distinguished by some savagery, and during some festive mass games one could easily lose one's life. Here, for example, is an excerpt from a 1563 medical journal in which a doctor wrote about patients: "John Hipper played a Christmas game with other parishioners at the local church during the Christmas celebrations, and as a result he was smashed to death and his testicles were crushed." … Based on further records, the patient died soon after. Alas, there is no description of the game itself in the medical journal.
Dead man's bite
Sigurd "Mighty" Eysteinsson was the second Jarl of the Orkney Islands and, as it should be a hereditary Viking, was distinguished by his belligerence. In a fair fight, he fought another Jarl, Mael Brigt "Protruding Tooth" and killed him. To show off to his fellow tribesmen, he cut off Brigt's head, tied it to the saddle, and headed home. But on the way, a protruding tooth that glorified Brigt scratched the leg of Sigurd the Mighty, and, arriving home, he died of blood poisoning. True, according to legend, the dead head of Mael Brigt voluntarily clung to Sigurd's leg with its teeth, but this, of course, is a fairy tale. Sigurd was simply out of luck.
Daddy smothered by a fly
Perhaps the death of Pope Hadrian IV can be called not only painful, but also extremely stupid. It all started with an innocent throat disease. But, due to the weakness of medieval medicine, the disease could not be overcome in any way, the pope's throat was constantly festering, and any piece of food or a sip of water turned into torture for him. In the end, he decided to try the last resort - to kill the disease-causing microbes with a few sips of wine. Unfortunately, a fly managed to fly into Dad's glass unnoticed. Burning alcohol, a buzzing fly, a sore throat - all this caused such an unstoppable coughing fit that dad, unable to breathe, simply choked to death.
Death in a dance
In 1518 a strange and terrible incident happened in Strasbourg. First, one woman, therefore several people, and then a whole crowd, for no reason, no reason, began to dance right in the middle of the street. All attempts to calm down the dancers did not give results, people danced hour after hour, until the day changed to night, and that day again. The first victim of the unknown "dancing plague" died after a week of incessant dancing. But even seeing how she fell, the others could not stop. In total, the dance of death claimed 400 lives in a month, after which the survivors stopped as suddenly as they began to dance.
Death in feces
Medieval toilets, to put it mildly, were not very neat and clean. These were huge cesspools filled with human waste over the years. Perhaps that is why the death of a European landowner, who bypassed his possessions, who inadvertently fell into a cesspool and drowned there in 1523, entered the historical chronicle along with the deaths of kings and dukes. Even for medieval historians, such a death seemed unimaginably terrible.
Crossbow
Henry Purte was an ordinary, unremarkable archer in the army of the British king, and would never have made it into history if it had not been for his painful as well as stupid death. During training, Purt pulled the bowstring too tightly, and the arrow got stuck in the bow, not wanting to fly out. Purt decided to knock it out by pointing the bow upward and hitting the back of the bow on the ground. Everything would be fine if, during the experiment, the stupid archer did not lean over his weapon. The arrow knocked out on the ground safely left the bowstring and entered the archer directly in the forehead. By evening, he died.
Death by laughter
Martin the Good, King of Aragon and Sicily, died in 1410 the strangest death - he literally choked to death! According to the chronicles, the king ate a whole goose at dinner, which caused him to suffer from indigestion in the evening. Then a jester entered his room, and the king, hoping to amuse himself, started a joking conversation with him. When he said that he saw "a young deer hanging from a branch by the tail, as if they had decided to punish him for stealing dates," the king laughed at the joke. But indigestion played a cruel joke with him - an excess of food blocked the king's respiratory tract, and he died. Moreover, according to eyewitnesses, even while suffocating, Martin did not stop laughing.
Death by the May Pole
A cruel and absurd death in the Middle Ages could await everyone. In this case, the young city dweller was not lucky, who took part in the dances and fun at the festively decorated May pole. It was in 1553 and, due to a unique combination of unfortunate circumstances, even got into the historical chronicles. The pillar, which was not firmly dug in, fell, hitting the city wall with its top. At the same time, a loosely held stone block flew out of the wall and fell right on the head of the unfortunate man who died on the spot.
Stabbed by his sword
The French knight Angerrand de Coussey died by the sword - a death honorable for a knight, if not for one "but": the sword was his own! In 1242, the 60-year-old Ser Angerrand rode out of his castle on horseback to survey his domain. The trip ended unsuccessfully: falling from his horse, Sir Angerrand ran into his own sword, which stabbed him to death. The noble knight died on the spot.
Buried alive
This happened to the emperor of the Byzantine Empire Zeno in 491 AD. According to legend, one evening the emperor was so drunk that his entourage took him for dead. Another version, however, says that he was declared dead by his wife, Empress Ariadne, who did not find signs of life in her husband. Zeno was immediately placed in a sarcophagus and sealed in a tomb. According to legend, desperate screams were heard from the tomb for a long time, but the empress did not allow anyone to open the last shelter of her husband. Maybe she just wanted a divorce?..