1. Formation of attachment
The energetic vampire surrounds you with attention: thanks to him, you feel significant and loved, and such an attitude is flattering. You begin to believe in the sincerity of his concern. He may himself think that he really fell in love, because the vampire finds excuses for all his actions.
In a normal situation, formed attachment translates into healthy intimacy and trusting relationships. But in this case, it ends with the formation of dependence and a subordinate position of the victim, and the man does not admit his guilt. His behavior is aimed at manipulating the natural attachment of his partner.
2. Wines
At a certain stage, you notice that the relationship is aimed at meeting only his needs. An energetic vampire can hurt your feelings, but once you voice your discontent, he begins to prove your guilt in what happened and begins to insist that you admit your responsibility. He comes up with compelling reasons why he doesn't have to be competent in this area, and it’s foolish of you to even ask for such a thing, etc. In other words, he makes you feel guilty.
An energetic vampire believes that he should not be responsible for his behavior or expression of emotions. If something in the relationship does not suit him, he does not understand the situation, but begins to manipulate you, forcing him to plead guilty. Feelings of guilt cause the victim to succumb and break down emotional and physical boundaries because they believe they have a responsibility to please their partner.
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3. Cognitive dissonance
After a period of idealization, the energetic vampire goes into devaluation. Trying to please is not enough, and whatever you do, he shows displeasure. The relationship phase begins when a man feels that your couple is too close emotionally, and / or you want him to accept responsibility for his own actions. The vampire is afraid of intimacy and commitment, so she will try to push you away.
In his arsenal of manipulation: he uses guilt and gaslighting so that you do not dare to voice a claim and bear sole responsibility for the relationship. He begins to punish with silence, coming up with convincing excuses. The manipulator is confident in his right to complete emotional comfort, even if it is necessary to abuse the feelings of others to achieve it.
Since you remember how well he treated you in the past, it can be difficult to realize that your partner was not who you thought he was. You can even come up with excuses, because with the help of manipulations he inspired that you are to blame for everything.
Getting out of the trap of a vampire playing on feelings is incredibly difficult, because he takes advantage of the affection of the victim and gives the false hope that the relationship can be "saved". He inspires you to learn not to be so “demanding” and “selfish”, and he will reward you with the same caring attitude as when you first met.
Effects
Such a person is not going to be held responsible for the harm caused, because he rationalized and justified his behavior. He may not be so self-confident, and he needs to convince himself for a long time and receive recognition of his righteousness from others. Then he finds the inner comfort to which he strove: for this he has to evade responsibility and emotional labor. After all, you are not dealing with a Disney villain, but with an extremely selfish person who lacks the motivation to learn how to spare the feelings of loved ones.
There are 2 ways out of the trap: the victim completely breaks off the relationship, or the energy vampire throws her. The latter happens when he thinks she has too many problems. If the victim makes him feel remorseful by making a complaint about the abusive behavior, he will perceive it as a threat. He even considers himself a victim in the relationship, because the real victim appeals to guilt, and this is scary. A man is sincerely afraid that he will have to deal with negative emotions, which will cause responsibility for his behavior.
In the end, he breaks the connection on a dramatic note, and at this moment projects his feelings onto the victim: in his words, you are an abuser, you have done harm, you have threatened him. Likewise, he ensures his own emotional well-being by refusing to acknowledge the facts of reality. Just remember that this is NOT your fault and you are not responsible for the terrible behavior of your partner. It happens that both harm each other, but the abusive relationship is based on an imbalance of power, therefore, there is no talk of mutual abuse. You are not at all like your abuser.