“I have worked with many psychologists. I manage to realize my problems and even their causes. But I absolutely cannot start changing my life. It seems to me that nothing will work out, and my hands give up. Why it happens? Probably, I have to reach some last point - when I have nothing to lose."
Do you really need to sink to the bottom in order to push off from it and jump out of the hole? But will there be strength left for the jump?
Isn't it better to start acting while there are at least some internal resources and while there is something to lose? After all, any changes to the new always lead to the fact that a person loses something old. Your comfort zone. Often this is not the zone in which it is good, but the one in which it is familiar.
A person continues to hold on to this habitual, although it has long ceased to make him happy. Or maybe it never did. But he continues to hope that someday everything will change.
If we haven't put on a thing for several years, if it doesn't like it or doesn't fit at all, what's the point of keeping it? What is the likelihood that at least one more time it will be put on and please us?
Why do people cling so strongly to the familiar - that which does not bring them happiness, and are afraid of change?
Most often, the reason is the fear of losing control over circumstances, losing a sense of security. Fear of change is often based on strong negative emotions experienced in the past when trying to change something.
Among other reasons, there may be a neurotic personality, a high level of anxiety, low self-esteem, and perfectionism.
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Fear of change can also arise as a result of a traumatic event, due to which a person had to face great difficulties (for example, a serious deterioration in health or financial situation). Therefore, he is trying with all his might to protect himself from a repetition of such a situation.
Often the fear of change comes from childhood, when a child is faced with an unexpected divorce of his parents, the death of a loved one, separation from family, a sudden move, etc.
And it is also very difficult to take and let go of something in which a lot of investments have been made - emotions, hopes, expectations. After all, if we have invested our valuable shares somewhere, we have the right to expect dividends. But if a person realizes that there will be no dividends, he will be able to take his shares and invest them in a more promising project. So it is with our expectations.
However, the new will never be the improved old. The new will be different. If a person changes a one-room apartment for a two-room one, greatly regretting the loss of the previous apartment, he will not like the new apartment, and he will constantly compare it with the old one. And it cannot be the same, only twice as much. She's different.
If you can't let go of the old, you need to figure out what valuable was invested there, and take your investment. The circumstances themselves are seldom valuable. The value is represented by the emotions associated with them. So, you need to understand what these emotions are, why they are so valuable for a person, and how he will be able to receive them in another way. And then it will finally be possible to change the old circumstances, because they will no longer be of value.
Author: Gorshkova Maria Alekseevna