Human thought creates reality
We see opportunities - or impossibilities.
We see restrictions - or freedom of action.
We see our strength - or weakness.
We see what we choose to see.
I remember curious experiments conducted by psychologists, when the subject was asked to consider a portrait and describe the person who is depicted on it.
One of the portraits, for example, depicted an elderly man with a deep look, gray hair, wrinkles on his face, large hands.
The next subject who entered the hall where the portrait was located was told:
Promotional video:
- In the portrait there is a Hero of Socialist Labor, a well-known combine operator …
And the person, having received an installation that was not realized for him, began to describe the portrait of this person, really seeing him as a good person, noticed the wise, kind squinting of his eyes, work-worn hands …
Another subject was shown the same portrait, saying:
- This is a portrait of a bandit …
And the person absolutely sincerely described the evil squint of the eyes, the rigidity in the expression on his face, heavy aggressive hands, an unkind grin, etc.
They changed the portraits, changed the attitudes of the researchers - and the subjects diligently described exactly what they wanted to see, according to the instructions received. They actually truly saw what they wanted to see.
Because we actually see what we want, what we choose to see.
And in this experiment, the subjects were ordered the direction of what they see.
In real life, we ourselves order ourselves what to see in life.
We ourselves choose what to see in the people around us. What to see in a partner or in a child, in a boss or in a client.
And what we think, our thoughts about a person, is a direct order to mark this in him, not paying attention to his other manifestations.
If you decide that your partner is “wrong”, “wrong” - this is what you will begin to notice in him. Your thought: “He is not like that” is a task for the subconscious to look for “not such” manifestations, actions, peculiarities in a partner.
Whatever he does, no matter how he tries to show himself from his best side, you will not notice, but here's a mistake, you will notice a mistake right away, because this confirms your decision - to see him as bad.
If you think that your child is sloppy, disorganized or disobedient, you will see exactly these manifestations and actions of him, but you will not notice his efforts, his obedience, his responsibility.
My daughter once gave me a very good lesson.
I was an authoritarian mother who criticizes the child, tries to re-educate him, to make him “better”. I thought that I was growing up a disorganized, sloppy daughter. It pissed me off that when she came home from school, she left her shoes right on the doorstep, and did not put them on the shoe rack. It annoyed me that she was always throwing her briefcase and it was lying in the middle of her room. I kept repeating to her: "Why are you growing up such a slob!"
She once told me:
- Mom, why, when I put the briefcase in place and put the shoes in place, you will never say: what a clever little girl you are, how neat you are! But if I don't put my shoes back in place, you immediately scold me.
I was amazed.
- What happens? I asked. - It happens that you put everything in its place?
- Yes. I do this very often! Only you don't notice it! But as soon as I don’t put my briefcase in place or leave my shoes at the doorway, you immediately reprimand me!..
I didn't really notice her good deeds, but I saw the bad ones right away. Now I know why this happened.
Our subconscious mind helpfully selects the information we need according to our request. It enables us to see in people what we choose to see according to our ideas and by this - to form the characters, qualities of their personality, which will lead to their real manifestations in life, in the creation of relationships.
Because it is by what we see in a person, what we point out to him, that we form his personality structure.
For each person there are many states, many manifestations of personality. Every person is diverse. Each of us is like a palette. Each person has many shades, qualities, abilities, features … Each of us can be both strong and weak, active or passive, kind or evil, generous or greedy.
That is why it is so important what you choose to see in the other. How do you draw it to yourself.
You can see your child as wonderful, smart, kind, neat. And speaking to him about this, praising him for such manifestations, emphasizing these personal qualities in him, you in reality create such a person. You sort of "get" out of him just such qualities and manifestations. He himself will begin to see them in himself, to feel that way. And it will become just that.
You can see in a child a slob, an irresponsible, harmful, creepy egoist. And by telling him this, you breathe life into this portrait. You "pull" from him these qualities, these states. He himself begins to feel that way. You form just such a person.
Remember, as a child, we read fairy tales about miraculous transformations. About a terrible monster, whom everyone feared and considered terrible until a kind girl appeared who considered him good, who could love him, and from her love the monster turned into a handsome prince.
You can be a kind wizard and turn people around you into kind, sweet, good.
And you can, like an evil wizard, turn good people into freaks.
Several years ago I happened to observe the situation of such a transformation.
I rode on a train, in a reserved seat carriage. In the middle of the night, two passengers entered the car at a small stopover. “We entered” - it is said inaccurately, because their arrival was accompanied with such a noise and shout that the whole carriage was awakened.
A woman was screaming, although, to be honest, she couldn't even call her a woman. It was a woman, in an inconceivable coat, wrapped in a huge downy shawl. It was something masculine, aggressive, scandalous.
The man who entered with her was completely different - intelligent, calm, modestly dressed. He entered the carriage first, rolling behind him a neat little cart on which a small suitcase was attached. It was this cart that caused so much noise …
The man began to walk along the carriage, and the cart caught on something that prevented this boy-woman from passing.
- Remove the cart, asshole! - She began to yell at the whole car. - Come on in, what are you worth! She snapped menacingly.
The man, struck by her rudeness, nevertheless calmly replied:
- Woman, why are you shouting like that, I’ll go through now. After all, we have already sat down, the train is already moving …
- No, look ka, he still opens his mouth! The woman exclaimed in anger. - Put away your clothes, asshole!
These words angered many passengers, voices were heard in defense of the man, someone wanted to calm the woman. The poor man tried to move the wheelchair, but, being nervous, he could not do it …
- No, well, look at this freak! - this person continued with indignation …
Finally, the cart started to move. The man walked to his place at the back of the car. Baba took her seat at the beginning of the carriage. Do you think she calmed down? No!
- How many such goats have I met in my life, but they are all men, goats …
She did not even try to speak quietly, she broadcast to the whole car. She looked out into the flight, looked at the quietly sitting man and shouted menacingly:
- Well, what, are you sitting?
This was the last straw that overflowed the cup of his patience.
- Shut your mouth, you old fool! You idiot! The man shouted.
It was not even a cry, but a surge of despair and wounded pride.
- No, did you hear? The woman cried triumphantly. - You heard? Well, a real goat is rude to a woman! He raises his voice to a woman!
She got her way. She was pleased with herself. She made a calm, intelligent person angry, irritated, rude. Her choice to see all men as a bad person was confirmed. How much time did it take? Three minutes. She dealt such a powerful blow to self-esteem that in reality she took out of him all the worst - anger, resentment, hatred. The transformation happened
Not a hand, but a thought both creates and kills.
Nicholas Roerich
We are creators. Each of us is a creator. It's just a matter of time - how long it will take to shape a person the way you choose to see him.
We do it without hesitation. We do it with ease. It is not our fault that we are doing this: no one taught us, no one explained to us how we form a real person with our vision.
But we are actually creators. We create our marriage partners with our vision of their merits or demerits; we make them confident, valuable, or inferior, guilty.
We can actually create real princes out of our men. Or - weak-willed and useless rags. We can create beautiful, decent, gorgeous women. And we can create notorious, downtrodden, worthless. We create them as we see them.
In distant lands there was a tradition - a man, wooing a woman, had to give a ransom to her parents. And the ransom was given by cows, which in these parts were revered and highly valued. And the number of cows given in ransom determined the beauty of a woman. There were women for whom they gave one cow. For someone - three. For someone - 10 cows.
Once a man wooed a young woman and offered a ransom for her - 10 cows.
“But I can give it to you for one cow,” said my father.
“No,” the man replied. - I'll give 10 cows for her, it's worth it.
- Well, then at least take another daughter, I'll give her to you for 5 cows. Or take the eldest beautiful daughter for 8 cows!
“No,” the man said. “I only want this woman and I’ll give her a ransom of 10 cows.
He was adamant. The father gave his daughter for 10 cows. And the man took her to his village.
Several years later. The father came to visit his son-in-law and daughter. A young woman of unusual beauty opened the door for him. The father did not even recognize her daughter at once.
When he, amazed at how beautiful she had become, asked how she could change so much, she answered:
- It's just that my husband saw in me a woman for 10 cows. I had no other choice but to become like that!
We create people around us.
And we must admit that, not knowing all the mechanisms of “creating” our life, “creating” people as we see them, we have actually already “done” a lot in our lives. Many people have done in life as they are now, and we ourselves often suffer from this.
“Mom and I created dad,” a young woman once told me. - I now realize that he lived in our constant rejection, criticism. When he came home, he left his shoes in the corridor - he was immediately told: “You always throw everything, you can never put it back!” He drank a little: “I got drunk again! When will you stop drinking ?! Now he drinks constantly …
Yes, our fathers, like other men, were not born drunkards and were not born to drink alcohol. They were good children and drank milk. But then, growing up, they went out into life with its rules and values and began to drink alcohol, like everyone else. At some moments, the need to drink appeared in response to stress, feelings - as a defense mechanism. All people go through this experience. It is only important whether we “fix” this habit with our attitude, emphasizing that a man is a drinker, that he is weak, that he is subject to this addiction. Or we will support him that he is strong, that he can cope with it, that he is able to change. Our faith in him can save him. Our fears that he will get drunk will help him to get drunk.
During consultations, I have repeatedly come across cases when a woman who had an experience of life with a drinking father in the family of her parents, or with a drinking husband in her family life, unconsciously created her next partner as a drinker.
Her fear, which was expressed in the verbal formulation: "Suddenly, and this one will drink!.." - was a direct appeal to the potential "drinking" part of the man.
The woman, fearing that her partner would also turn out to be a drinker, begins, as they say, to smell, to look closely at him. She worries, worries when he picks up a glass, being at a party or in a restaurant. She pulls him down, makes comments to him, tries to control him. She voices her fear, her doubts about him. She all the time unconsciously refers to him "drinking", as if "getting" this state from him. And you already understand how it will all end.
He starts getting drunk. At times deliberately, as a protest against control, doing it in spite of the woman, who, as they say, "got" him with her suspicion and distrust. Sometimes he does it unconsciously, but a woman, for whom the very fact of drinking is terrible, only aggravates the situation with her tense, condemning attitude. As if strengthens the man in this state. And the partner actually begins to abuse alcohol.
In fact, throughout our lives, we have created, formed, consolidated some states of the people who surrounded us. And, alas, our creativity has not always brought good results. This is how we created - unconsciously, sometimes rudely, sometimes harshly. And you should not scold yourself for this, you should not blame yourself. We didn't really know what we were doing.
But even if we did something or someone wrong and now we have before us the result of our creativity, this only confirms - what kind of creators we can be! And this awareness is very important.
And now, understanding the power of our creative abilities, we have the opportunity to responsibly and consciously approach relationships with people with whom we communicate, to ourselves, to our thoughts and beliefs.
And if you understand now how much depends on you, maybe you will decide to become a good wizard? And will you create your own wonderful life? And with your attitude to create around yourself cute, glorious, open, confident, strong personalities?
M. Svetlova