The themes of the upbringing and formation of children at all times were very relevant and acute. Everyone has their own vision and opinion on this matter (starting from government agencies, specific women and men, children's doctors, psychologists, teachers, scientists).
Under the influence of all these factors, the modern world offers a huge amount of information on this topic.
You can open the Internet and get an answer to any question of interest (how to swaddle children, which kindergarten to take, which books are better to read, who is better to listen to on a particular issue). At first glance, it is very convenient and practical, you don't even need to go anywhere, the main thing is that the Internet is at hand.
However, to what extent the application of such knowledge will be sensible, it already remains on the conscience and level of consciousness of the parents / future parents themselves.
There are many aspects to parenting. Here, both the role of each parent, carrying out their function and laying the foundations of life understanding in the future person, and the role of the family and society as a whole are important.
Speaking about children, about their upbringing, becoming as a person, we still mean that this topic is dedicated to adults. We hope that this article will give a significant impetus to change and rethink the actions, habits, ideas of many parents and will help them become more conscious in matters of education. Which will undoubtedly lead to a kinder and more prosperous society with higher values and a better quality of life.
The point of view on upbringing and education has changed over time. In order to consider this dynamic, several aspects must be considered: chronological, gender and local. These aspects are in synthesis and are practically inseparable from each other, complement each other.
The upbringing of a child depends on the place of residence of the family (local aspect) - urban or rural environment. If the family is urban, then the financial prosperity of the family played a large role, but even families with a low level of income had the opportunity to give their children an education.
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Since the formation of Kievan Rus (chronological aspect), active growth of cities began, which contributed to the formation of new state institutions.
From the X-XI centuries, the religious trend prevailed in education and training. Imitation of the father was used as the main way of raising a child, which characterizes the presence of a patriarchal-clan nature of social relations. This is confirmed by the work "The Instructions of Vladimir Monamakh to Children" in 1096.
There is an erroneous opinion that at that time the population of Russia was illiterate, but just the time interval of the 10th - 11th centuries, writing penetrates into all layers of the population. The education of the people of that time was about the same as in the countries of Western Europe [5].
The basis for the high education of Kievan Rus was manuscripts, which historians number about 140 thousand and it was in them that the high moral foundations and values of that time were contained. The process of educating the younger generation proceeded on the basis of the manuscripts. For children from wealthy families, a priest was invited as a teacher.
The church exercised control over the upbringing of children. Later, children of all classes were taught by "masters of literacy" - teachers who give primary education. Studied writing and arithmetic. Children went to parish schools, but education ended in three classes.
The XIV - XVI centuries were marked by a decline in education, the reason for this was the Mongol-Tatar yoke in Russia and, accordingly, cultural isolation. As a result, moral values change, which have reeled in the direction of hard-heartedness. During this period, the education and upbringing of children was carried out by monasteries, which were exempted from paying tribute and had independence and the ability to carry out cultural activities.
Until the end of the 16th century, the family upbringing of children prevailed, sometimes a mentor was attracted from parish priests, or scribes-monks. Pedagogical figures of that time (Ivan Fyodorov, Fyodor Rtishchev, Epiphany Slavenetsky) master the experience of education adopted in Byzantium and Western Europe.
From time immemorial, village children were brought up in large families. The hierarchy of relations was strictly observed. Children of ordinary people were most often brought up in a family. They were taught agricultural work, housework, or given to masters to learn a craft. Children studied with older sisters and brothers, watched adults work. From 3 - 4 years old children were involved in feasible work.
At the end of the 16th century, the first school of the Lutheran Church of the German settlement appeared in Moscow, in which Western European education was realized. Children of the upper class and only boys are admitted to schools (gender aspect). At the same time, literacy schools for boys were opened, which function at monasteries.
Handwritten books are used as a source of instruction, later printed alphabets are introduced. Children of the upper strata of the population are sent to receive education in European countries.
In 1687, the first higher institution appeared in Russia: the Slavic-Greek-Latin Academy.
In the 18th century (Peter's time), serious changes took place, the development of the state required a higher level of education and the development of science. Therefore, Peter I is carrying out reforms in the field of education. The peculiarity of these reforms is that they were versatile in nature: they created conditions for receiving mass education, special and vocational education and training of scientific personnel.
By order of the emperor, in the county towns, where there were already religious schools attached to monasteries, primary schools were to open for children 10-15 years of age of all classes, as well as so-called digital schools, in which they taught the basics of arithmetic.
Peter's reforms also affected girls (gender). In noble families began to invite teachers to teach girls foreign languages, playing music, dancing, governesses to teach secular manners, handicrafts, and great attention is paid to the ability to handle [4].
In the second half of the 18th century, boarding schools were created, which, as a rule, were intended for children of the same sex. But despite this upbringing and education for girls remained at home, it was considered a matter of the family, the care of parents, and a girl from a poor family could only learn to be a midwife, since at the end of the 18th century, obstetric courses were organized.
It was only in the 19th century that the institutes of noble maidens were opened, which were closed educational institutions that accepted orphans or children from wealthy families aged 10 to 12 years.
Most of the girls were still illiterate. Only at the end of the 19th century did women gain access to general education and science. Courses for women were opened in many cities.
All roads (schools, boarding schools, lyceums) were opened for boys in the 18th - 19th centuries to get an education. But in villages and county towns, artisans and merchants (that is, the overwhelming majority of the urban population) were against teaching their children at school. All professional skills were passed directly from foreman to apprentice, or from father to son, and schools took the child away from production and interrupted this tradition.
As a result, schools quickly lost popularity and were soon closed. And secular sciences like mathematics and geometry remained only in garrison schools, where the children of military officers studied.
In the middle of the 19th century, there were more opportunities. One-class zemstvo schools appeared, where they taught the basics of arithmetic, the Russian language and the law of God for all children, regardless of their class affiliation. At the same time, classical grammar schools and real grammar schools were opened. They were paid, but meaningless and inexpensive - from 3 to 10 rubles. In the first, ancient languages were taught, in the second, natural sciences.
In fact, general education in the Russian Empire was never introduced. It existed only in the form of a bill prepared at the beginning of the 20th century.
After the Great October Socialist Revolution in Russia, the ideology changed, and the approach to education also changed. The idea of universal enlightenment was born in the USSR along with the thesis that "even a cook needs to be taught to run the state."
From 1918 to 1991, the children, in fact, were not daddy's, and their mother's they were state ones (starting with the pioneer dawn, the Octobrists, pioneer leaders, pioneer summer camps, etc.), and then, after the collapse of the Soviet Union, when the child dropped out of the political and educational system, the upbringing and education of the child was again placed on the shoulders of the family.
During perestroika and in the dashing 90s, when parents were forced to somehow survive and feed their children with something, the children were left to themselves and, as they say, "got out of hand" (in the literature there are the terms "lost generation "," Generation of the 90s "," generation next ").
In connection with this "surging topic", a huge number of books and brochures, articles in newspapers on the correct upbringing of children began to appear (both under the authorship of our fellow countrymen and foreign ones (take for example Yu. B. Gippenreiter, B. Spock, M. Ibuka, L. Petranovskaya, M. Montessori).
In general, a family is formed at the moment when a man and a woman have a child, but first a couple is formed - a man and a woman. Based on the "baggage of knowledge" that they received from their parents, "absorbed" from society, they begin to build relationships with each other.
They have a lot of work to do - until the moment the children appear and the family is truly formed (whether the marriage is registered or not), it is necessary to find out what they have in common and how many points of contact they can find or make concessions to each other to create a family.
Choosing the right partner
Perhaps every person would like to receive accurate and detailed instructions on how to choose the right partner and live happily ever after with him. Tips, tests, horoscopes, fortune-tellers offer many options on how to find a "soul mate" and in theory everything turns out smoothly, but in practice, many cannot live together for a long time (not to mention the whole life).
Nobody teaches us how to choose one single "our" person from a million people with whom we would like to share the world and get to know his inner world. Most often, people make a choice based on common interests, aspirations, motivation for creating a couple / family.
One of the modern schemes represents such a conditional association of a man and a woman according to the duration of joint interests:
Duration of joint interests
Conditionally:
- The first stage - people are looking for satisfaction of their physiological and emotional needs. After "saturation" with each other, the couple breaks up (the relationship on average lasts 1-3 months⟩.
- The second stage - also after reaching the goal in the form of "borscht", fur coats, travel, "cozy home", a discord occurs in a couple and the couple / family breaks up if there are no more common points of contact (relations last 1-3 years on average⟩.
- The third stage - relationships are created for the sake of children, in order to "leave someone behind." Often, upon reaching the children of majority or at the stage when children leave the family to build their own lives, the man and the woman diverge, because the goal is fulfilled and there are no more common interests (the average relationship lasts 14-18 years⟩.
- The fourth stage - can unite people of the same profession / business / labor, who are interested in developing, building a career together. With this approach, a couple can have children, but not as an end in itself, but as an integral part of their life. At the end of their work, the couple may also break up, provided that there is "nothing more to talk about together" other than work. (relationships on average last 25 years, while people are immersed in a profession / common cause).
- The fifth stage - operates from the concept: "I help you develop, you - me." All previous models can be inside this model, but after their termination, the couple still continues to exist due to the couple's desire for new knowledge.
- The sixth stage can also include the above criteria, and people are also initially set to help each other reveal their purpose, their mission, and realize their creative talents (relationships can last a lifetime).
The difference between the first and the last stage is that the first stage includes only its own criteria, because the latter is presented as a combination of all six stages.
Ideally, it is worth paying attention to how you feel with this particular person (is it comfortable and pleasant for you to be around, to talk, to do a common business, to lead your life)? What are the common interests? What unites you?
After all, meanwhile, how deep the relationship between a man and a woman is, so the opportunities for the development of the child's potential will increase.
Usually, long-term relationships lead to the appearance of children in a couple. And in this part, you need to understand how important the processes of conceiving and carrying a child are, and how they affect the child's future - his formation and development.
Correct conception and bearing of a child is the basis of the basics
Correct conception is the foundation in the life of a child and future parents.
Its correctness consists not only in the necessary physiological actions, but also in mental, moral and spiritual preparation. First of all, a man and a woman should want a child in their family. Sometimes it happens that a woman or a man says that they would like to have children, but in a couple a child still does not conceive.
Many wonder, suffer, suffer, look for doctors, healers, but in all this they miss the main point. One in which they absolutely do not want to admit to themselves that they are not yet truly ready for parenting. People are so exhausted (by work, personal difficult relationships, other stresses, worries about the financial state) that the body simply does not have the strength and it “turns on the fuses” so that the process of conception does not occur.
Therefore, first of all, you should be honest with yourself and with your partner in this matter. Talk about your concerns and try to help each other find a solution. Tune in mentally for the appearance of a child, think about the qualities that you want to see in him, imagine what he will be, what talents he will be endowed with.
This meditation will help you tune in your mind for the best conception scenario, relax your body and calm your mind. It is also desirable for a man and a woman to tune in with each other - for a woman to realize her soft, fluid feminine nature, and for a man - her strong, purposeful, and their common vision of pregnancy and raising a child. Then all natural processes will go faster and with better results.
After the process of conception has taken place, the next important, exciting and responsible moment for the couple comes - this is the woman's pregnancy.
Carrying a baby
A woman's life changes completely with the onset of pregnancy. She (life) is literally divided into "before and after". Already at this stage, the maternal instinct "turns on". Habits, behaviors, thoughts, actions are changing - everything is directed towards caring for the child, his "listening", his cognition.
It is good when a woman consciously plunges into her feminine, deep essence, where new channels of perception of the world are revealed and feelings are sharpened. She understands what is true good, and what is false for her child, becomes an accurate indicator of the usefulness and unhelpfulness of any opinion, event, advice, idea (she does not eat what she ate before pregnancy, does not watch films that cause feelings of fear and anxiety, does not communicate with loud and angry people).
The woman becomes omniscient in relation to the child (she knows what words need to be said to make the child calmer, how to caress him when he wants attention and when he wants to eat). Even a young woman gives out such knowledge that she did not receive when she was brought up herself. During this period, knowledge is taken from the collective unconscious, in which all the experience of motherhood has been accumulated. And although a woman often cannot explain the motivation for her actions, she “feels in her gut” that she needs to do just that.
In addition to such deep reading, another main aspect in this state is the woman's stable psycho-emotional state and her sense of a sense of security. She should be safe in every sense: socially - she knows where to seek medical help, she has a place to raise a child; in the family - relatives take care of her, rejoice at her pregnancy (especially her husband), give useful advice; financially - a woman knows how the child will be raised.
A man usually takes care and solution of many of these issues. A woman, seeing that he is trying, comes to a state of calm. She can do her "female" affairs: equip the space at home, go to classes (in preparation for childbirth and childbirth, sports, creative, visit museums), cook food, walk in parks with her family.
In order to maintain such an even emotional state, many doctors advise avoiding the highest intensity of emotions. Because excessive joy or any other kind of emotional excitement usually transforms after a while into emotional decline, sadness, longing, sometimes even unreasonable crying (in this case, emotions look like a sinusoid, first rise, then decline). Therefore, it is best to maintain an even or slightly deviated emotional state.
If a woman is accustomed to controlling the processes in her life, due to distrust of others, and she sees that a man is doing, in her opinion, it is not enough, she begins to prove to herself and “the whole world” that “I will do everything myself, I can do everything”. This, of course, affects her condition: all feelings are transmitted to the child, and with this the thought that it is better not to trust the world.
In the future, the consequences of such an impact are very difficult to change in the already formed psyche of the child (and adults have to rebuild their attitude to life for years and learn to love and trust the world). Even while in the womb, the child reads the emotional message of both parents (much deeper and stronger than most realize) that they are not expected or that maybe the parents have thoughts about getting rid of him.
All this lays the foundation for the future child, his communication with parents and spiritual connection with them.
Children who are conceived and born to conscious parents (when a man and a woman want a child in their family, eradicate / do not have bad habits, self-educate), I can more likely have a balanced psyche, a culture of feelings, a strong connection with parents, openness to the world, better health.
With a joyful mood, the likelihood is higher that pregnancy and childbirth will be easy and calm. And even many "standard" physiological troubles will be bypassed.
Nature is so arranged that the life of a child begins in a woman (mother). Appearing in the womb and spending nine months in the abdomen, the child learns exactly the feminine - maternal love, care, energy, sensations. A direct physiological and energy channel of communication with the world is being formed. Father, relatives, other people act as additional channels, and the mother is the primary source.
The role of the mother in the child's life
Mother is an example of selfless love. A love that does not ask for love in return. A strong lifelong bond is established between child and mother. Maternal love appears in the form of "selfless giving", the woman is so overwhelmed with this feeling from the moment of conception that she needs to give it without stopping.
The child's system, on the other hand, provides for "disinterested love need." He only accepts love, affection, care, attention. He gives happiness and delight with his presence, but other forms of bestowal are not yet provided for.
He unconsciously communicates with her through reading the maternal state, her behavior, intonations. Above we wrote about the emotional (or biofield) connection between the child and the mother. The child very quickly captures the mood, the thoughts of the mother (whether they are positive or negative), her psychological state.
This is undoubtedly reflected in the psychological and physiological state of the child (any illness of the child in his first years of life is a complete reflection of the state of the mother). If a woman is happy, surrounded by care, attention, she is healthy and she broadcasts her love to the world, then with such an attitude, a woman's children will have more chances to be completely healthy, calm (they are sure that the world is kind to them and there is nothing to be afraid of) and less subject to unreasonable whims.
From birth and throughout her life, a mother sets an example for her children, what a woman should be, what her feminine nature is.
With the onset of motherhood, many women become isolated only on the topic of children and stop caring for themselves, lead a social life, delight themselves with pleasant purchases and devote time to themselves. Such a concept is deliberately unnatural, because the image of a mother (for boys it is the image of the first woman, for girls - an example to follow) will be read "as is" and reflected in their lives incorrectly, deliberately distorting the true feminine essence / nature.
Therefore, it is better when a woman monitors her behavior and, by her example, shows the children how gentle, caring, loving and considerate a woman mother should be.
Children only read and project what they see. And they see, as an example, the behavior of the mother and her contact with other people, animals, plants.
In addition to selfless love for a woman in a state of motherhood, it is desirable to broadcast her patience and tolerance.
Patience is the control of your feelings and the desire to resolve the situation peacefully. Tolerance is when a person tries to feel the situation from the perspective of another person
Further, it is important that tolerance is not transformed into an acceptance of the situation "as it is" if this is not consistent with the life position of the woman herself.
If a difficult situation arises, it is better for the mother to act from the position of a "peacemaker", through love, kindness, affection, her service to children, tell them how to solve the issue. Hot-tempered, impulsive, domineering, trying to get out of any situation as victors, women carry the same example to their children, unconsciously laying them the same form of behavior.
If a woman realizes that her strength is not enough to solve the current situation (she cannot be in a balanced state, or does not know how to solve this or that issue), then it is worth postponing finding the answer for a while. To calm down emotions, the answers were found and the children "remembered" mother's wisdom in solving difficult problems.
From the above, one should not conclude that the mother should always be gentle and soft. If the situation requires strictness from the mother, then it is worth showing it. But in severity, love can be expressed, not a threat, not hatred.
The process of interaction and upbringing of the child by the mother does not stop for a minute. This "work" lasts from the moment of conception and throughout life.
Father's role
Much has been said about the role of the mother in the life of the child from the very birth of the Child to his growing up and even more - up to the old age of the Mother. A woman is a continuation of the family, but if we talk about the feminine principle, then words of affection, warmth, lullabies, tender care that have no boundaries come to mind.
And yet the Father in the family has an equally important and definite role in the development of a full-fledged person, both a boy and a girl. The mother is the hearth of the family, the atmosphere in which the child lives, associated with comfort in everyday life, and the Father is how to live, what to rely on in life, in order to be independent, and therefore confident and determined in life.
The place of a newborn child, while he is still small, is near his mother and he obeys her on the basis of his instincts. While the mother lays her child to her breast, bathes him, caresses him (which is very important), puts him in the cradle to the songs so that he sleeps, gaining strength - the father, patiently taking care of his wife and helping her with the child, is waiting for his entry phase for mentoring and raising a child, which occurs during the period of awareness of the perception of the world and understanding of speech.
From that moment on, the child increasingly seeks to be close to his father, which often causes even some jealousy on the part of the mother, but this is a normal process, because the father for the child is a model of behavior, strong support, the development of confidence and the practice of overcoming possible obstacles.
But at the same time, it is a father's love, care, as well as a system for assessing the child's actions by the father's approval, his praise and severity, when necessary, so that the child does not lose a sense of proportion. In the process of growing up children in a family, depending on the gender of the child, the father acts for each in a different role. Let's take an example of who the Father is for the girl and who for the boy.
Father for girl
For a girl, this is, first of all, a model of behavior and assessment in choosing a future husband, support with a system of values, a certain temperament, and partly physical resemblance to her husband. So it will not be difficult for a girl to intuitively find her “soul mate” with whom she will be comfortable, provided that the father was directly involved in raising her daughter.
If the father is not suppressed by the "woman's power" on the part of his wife, mother, and the wife, in turn, is chaste, loves her husband and listens to him, then at the exit the family will raise a worthy daughter who can choose the right, worthy husband and father of her children, thereby knowingly lay the future potential for a healthy generation, both physically and psychological stability.
Raising worthy boys - we are raising worthy and courageous defenders, but raising worthy girls - we are raising a worthy generation. A woman should understand that by driving a man “under the heel,” she only flatters her pride, but in the end, only damage to the family and children is obtained. A woman's strength lies in her weakness.
Taking each of their places, without suppressing each other, the husband and wife will achieve more, raise good children, get wonderful grandchildren, and live their lives happily.
Father to boy
With regard to the upbringing of a boy, the tandem of father and son is an inextricably linked integrity.
For the son, the father is the main support in the development of strong masculine qualities, the formation of confidence in the boy in difficult times while solving certain everyday problems. The father's mentoring for the son will subsequently be a great experience for him in overcoming many problems.
With the help of games, for example, in military battles, the father helps his son to acquire the skills of strategy, tactics, while educating the defender of his family and homeland, in intellectual games - ingenuity and logic, in intimate conversations, tuning in to the father's biofield, shares his experiences, how friend, thereby develops the traits of male devotion.
In practice, the father, having certain skills, by his own example, daily performing everyday tasks, possibly related to his profession, transfers them visually to his son and, if possible, practices them with him.
A child who, for example, has never had the opportunity, for physical reasons, to hang a shelf in the kitchen, or to lay out any structure from bricks, having matured and gotten stronger, he is quite capable of doing this without much difficulty, because in childhood he often watched work his father and absorbed skills visually, like a sponge. Continuing the lines from the above-mentioned epigraph, the apocryphal Gospel "The Good News to the World of Jesus Christ as narrated by the disciple John", we draw your attention:
"… And when the father sees that the son understood all his instructions and does his job skillfully, he will give his son all his goods so that the son can continue the work of his father …"
One cannot fail to mention the role of the Father in relation to the psychological calmness of the mother in the family, and therefore of their children. The husband for the wife is not just a support in the family and a breadwinner, in difficult times, due to the psychological characteristics of a woman, the husband is able to keep balance and not let his wife panic, as well as when making decisions, "extinguish" unnecessary emotions, provided that the man himself took place without damage to the psyche and defective overlaps in the continuity of generations.
In the life of society, it can sometimes happen that the biological father, for various reasons, cannot take part in the upbringing of children, then an urgent question arises: “Can a step-father replace the biological one? And in what capacity? The answer is quite simple: yes, the role of the father can be replaced by any established male representative.
These can be grandfathers, relatives, a loving husband and stepfather of the mother's children, or a man's mentors can partially replace the father through any sports sections, circles, etc. In any case, with the direct and careful upbringing of children, the biofield of a parent, or a sincerely loving mentor, is aligned with the biofield of the child and this helps in the full-fledged upbringing of children.
Understanding the issue of the difference in the organization of the psyche of a man and a woman leads to an understanding of the importance of raising a child in a full-fledged family and, as a result, makes parents think about how seriously they need to take care of maintaining love and harmony, maintain mutual respect in the family, patience and show more attention to their children …
The role of the family
Mother and father are the primary sources of energy, knowledge, feelings and emotions for the child. Have you ever noticed how differently a child behaves depending on the mood and emotional states of the parents?
If the mother is kind and gentle, then the child, more often than not, is cheerful and active, but as soon as she starts to get irritated, nervous, the child, almost instantly, becomes moody and uncontrollable. The same thing, but to a slightly lesser extent, happens in interaction with the father and other family members.
From birth, mom and dad are a whole world for the child, the child is emotionally, energetically and egregorially closed on them. Therefore, he "absorbs" their energy in the first place. Getting into the biofield of mom, dad, other family members, the child reads the "mood" and broadcasts it to the world as a reverse reaction.
The family biofield is formed due to the fact that members of one family have a close relationship with each other, strong relationships built on love, very often live in the same apartment / house, lead a common life, they have their own communication style, their habits and traditions. The biofield of adults affects children in the family more strongly due to their age. Due to this, emotional fluctuations occur so quickly in them, both in a positive and negative direction.
If, to a greater extent, the family lives in harmony: more often positive emotions and events prevail, then the whole family forms a positive-positive field and being in it, the child receives simultaneously protection, support, care and attention. He develops a stable and positive psycho-emotional state.
The family's biofield becomes so powerful that the negative "does not linger" for a long time in such a family, it is neutralized thanks to each other's support, help, care, and thus due to such "work" of adults, the child unconsciously learns to get out of negative scenarios without quarrels, screams and scandals, support others and seek help when he needs it.
Of course, sincere Love in the family for each other serves as the basis for laying a positive biofield for the family. Without it, it is obviously impossible to educate a child and lay in him the potential of transition into an irreversible human type of mental structure, so that by the time of his growing up he will take place as a human and become a Human with a capital letter.
To raise a Human from a child, parents, in addition to Love, need to understand the simplest concepts from the field of psychology. This will help to adjust the educational process, directing it in the right direction. One of the fundamental concepts from the field of psychology is knowledge about the types of structure of the psyche.
The description of the types of mental structure (TSP) is based on the questions of what is decisive in the formation of statistics of an individual's behavior.
If he makes decisions, guided in most situations by instincts, then this type of structure of the psyche is called an animal. And in a child, it manifests itself in the first stages of his life. Initially, the child eats, drinks, relieves. Attracting the attention of adults with emotion. Like an animal.
If decisions are made in most situations on the basis of cultural habits, automatisms of behavior, such a TSP is called a zombie / biorobot, because the behavior inherently does not differ from the behavior of a robot acting according to its programs.
In a child, the first signs of behavior based on this mental device appear when he begins to copy the behavior of adults, and then when he coordinates his behavior with the norms of culture. For example, he does not relieve himself right where he wanted it, but endures to the toilet. As you can see, the contradictions between instincts and cultural programs are resolved in favor of the latter.
If an individual is able to rise above the generally accepted norms of behavior, to work out a solution himself using reason, such a TSP is called demonic. This can be seen very clearly in those moments of a child's life, when he protests against what adults tell him, against generally accepted norms, when he begins to do something in his own way, says: "I myself." Usually this period is called "transitional" or "difficult" age.
And finally, the humane type of structure of the psyche presupposes making decisions on the basis of one's own reason, but not on the principle of "what I want, I turn it over", but in coordination with one's conscience. It is precisely this structure of his psyche that everyone should achieve by the beginning of youth.
Let us clarify that there are no “pure” types of mental structure, each of the people has a place for instincts, and for cultural programs, and for reason, and for conscience. TSP is determined by which of the lines of behavior manifests itself statistically more often. And on the child it is very clearly visible when those or other features begin to appear and predominate, according to which it is possible to attribute him to one of the types of the structure of his psyche.
Parents, seeing this, should understand where whims and stubbornness come from, and correct in accordance with the goal - to educate a Person.
Parents, seeing this, should understand where whims and stubbornness come from, and correct in accordance with the goal - to educate a Person.
What is a real manifestation of love in a family, this is very well shown by an example in the cartoon "Fantik. Primitive tale"
(Soyuzmultfilm, 1975, director E. A. Hamburg (1925 - 2000); scriptwriter B. V. Zakhoder (1918 - 2000)
In this cartoon, Stusha-Kutusha personifies the bearer of the demonic type of mental structure, and the very first elephant Fantik in that fairytale world is the bearer of the humane type of mental structure.
And accordingly, in the plot of the fairy tale, Fantik showed true Love to the inhabitants of that primitive world. As a witness to his activities, Martha the monkey gives the final assessment: "This is inimitable!" And she is right in her assessment. If you enter the same situation with a type of mental structure that is different from Fantik's characteristic, and try to do the same thing that he did, then the algorithm for the interaction of the individual psyche with the egregorial system of the world of the plot of the tale will be different, and as a result, the result will also be different …
Therefore, "this" is really "inimitable": one must be, that is. to take place in a certain quality, and not to portray who the individual is not. That the plot of the cartoon "Fantik. A primitive tale”is fictitious, but moral and psychological characters in a cartoon for children appear under the masks of fairy-tale animals, - the essence of the matter does not change: one must be, not imitate. But the cartoon shows the essence of Love visibly and intelligibly, if you think about it.
Love is free creativity, if by freedom we mean by the conscience the guidance given by God, creativity from the bounty of the soul. And therefore, Love always goes beyond the limited limits of those algorithms of activity that were created earlier, the beginning of the next creative act, even if these algorithms arose in the past in the manifestations of Love itself.
Love beyond logic
Incomprehensible to the mind
Love, he amuses himself with a fake
Mutually beneficial burner
His prison is illuminated.
He hides his feelings from suffering
The love of a scorching fire
Armor created for the heart
From past coals, from desires.
And getting used to the dark
The poor fellow is afraid of the light;
In love, everyone is looking only for good, Which leads to blindness …
And hiding from burns in a niche
Cold thoughts of the mind
Stuffed with ashes -
A lot of the blind under a proud roof.
Dawn flared with dawn
On the wings of a gray cloud;
Who bears the burdens of another -
In that and love heavenly light.
(The poem is taken from the site: https://www.obshelit.ru/works/37978/. The author called himself a pseudonym "Wanderer", dating the poem on 2008-25-03)
In other words, in order to become a Man, a person needs in life the ability to Love, practically given by God, - for everyone to learn himself.
Therefore, building true sincere Love in a family is a huge creative work of parents, which is rewarded by a worthy, caring and loving generation of children in their continuity.
Children are not only students, but also teachers for their parents. Observing their behavior, craving for knowledge, their unbridled and creative nature, we can rethink our behavior, and gain that ease, trust in people, nature, the world, love, purity to all living things.
The child must be given freedom so that he has his own vision and his own methods of learning about the world (touch, lick, pound, play, sing, draw …). Due to the fact that children have figurative thinking at an early age, it is advisable to build the process on images, figurative games / methods.
Through them, children can transmit much more information than based on a simple statement of any fact. So the parent will be able, together with his child, to use imagination in conversation, to come up with new games that will help to adapt in the future, entering an independent life.
For adults, in order to find more points of contact with the child (mother, father, family members, teachers …), it is better to communicate with the child from his level (physically it is even useful to sit on the floor and teach the child from the same level). Through game examples, showing various life situations on dolls and other toys.
To make the knowledge of the world comfortable and harmonious for a child, he also needs boundaries. They protect him, stabilize him. The principle “Run and do what you want and you can do everything” irreversibly disrupts the harmonious development of the child, making him an uncontrollable, spoiled, aggressive individual. In addition, it is necessary to protect the child with a word.
Most often, adults use the words: "no", "no", "do not touch", "carefully" (it is worth noting that the word "no" is identified by the child as a word that carries a "mortal danger", so it should really be used in extreme cases (when they stick their fingers into an outlet, when they reach for sharp objects, or a stove …)).
This method is very fond of being abused by parents / family members and the child's life turns into one continuous “no”. It is very important to keep track of this aspect and adhere to the rule that for one “no”, there must be two “yes” or “you can”, then the child continues to explore the world with interest and he continues to be kind and open for him.
In addition to adhering to this rule, it is advisable for all family members to positively reinforce the child's actions - to pay attention to what he did well, to encourage his initiative, to talk to him and explain what could be done better, again to guide and teach him. All this will strengthen relationships in the family for many years, the child will not feel like a "hermit" and will not perceive parents as overseers and critics who can only punish and teach.
This form of parenting (when very often they teach and punish) is formed due to too "serious" perception of life and attaching great importance to everyday issues.
In this format, adults may not perceive games as a cognitive process and move away from the child, inviting the child to play on his own, or often “buy off the child” by allowing him to play gadgets and buying an incredible amount of new toys.
The application of such a concept leads to the remoteness, detachment of the child and the parent from each other, and also creates the possibility of developing emotional and psychological problems in the child (dependence on gadgets). In this position, the child slowly begins to isolate himself from his parents and from society as a whole, locking himself in his room and spending all the time playing games on his phone or computer. He becomes bored of being in the company of his family, because he does not feel support and enthusiasm for his questions, understanding and unconsciously "runs" to where he is comfortable.
Sometimes the child begins to attract attention to himself by irrational behavior (the so-called deviant behavior - to behave differently from what the parent wants), or consciously or unconsciously seek those who understand him and open up to his form of interaction (at a more conscious age). Thus, children are revealed only to those who, in their opinion, understand and accept them, find friends for themselves, among adults as well.
Children who do not receive due (in their opinion) attention from their parents / family feel “abandoned” (they have nowhere to get answers to their questions). Therefore, in the first place in importance (up to about 10 years old is the family).
Although parents, by their nature, should be the closest people to a child, the most open and wise, it often happens in life that parents “do not know” their children. They know what the child eats, what he is wearing, and which kindergarten he goes to, but they do not know the real thing (what is happening in the child's soul - his experiences, feelings, nature). This is most often known by teachers, teachers, friends, classmates - people who spend much more time with a child than parents.
In order to maintain trust between the child and the parents, the child and the family, there should be no dominance on the part of adults. This fact is abused by most adults, based on the position: “You are still too young to have an opinion. Do what I say "or" We gave birth to you, now we can command you. " People build this form of communication not for learning, but to satisfy their ego and create a background of importance.
Therefore, it is better when the adults themselves "work" on themselves and correct their behavior. Or someone from the outside pays attention to this and helps to change the educational approach to a more friendly, equal one. Everything in life is interconnected. Children are given to parents not only to educate them, but also to educate adults by interacting with children. In this aspect, children close feedbacks on adults, which come from their own actions, principles, views.
Any consequences of improper upbringing are reflected in the child not immediately. Usually, everything that accumulated in the child during the childhood period (his resentment, misunderstandings, embarrassment, fears, as well as joyful and happy moments) "come out" at a transitional age, that is, when the child shows signs of a demonic type of psyche structure, and overcomes traditions, the norms of culture and itself begins to develop solutions.
This is because parents in childhood (from birth to about 3 years old) were often busy with their own business and did not pay enough attention to the child. And "adolescence" simply reflects a lack of love in childhood. Therefore, parents should be very attentive to the kids and nourish them with love. Then their adaptation in society will be the softest.
The older generation, with rare exceptions, like the youth, have become common interests - this is the search for a "good salary", how to look better and make a strong impression (this makes many grandparents look "young old men" (due to the use of a huge amount of cosmetics, plastic surgery, cheeky lifestyle and promiscuous personal relationships)).
The body does not correspond to age, this creates a huge gap in the continuity of generations. A moment falls out when the older generation teaches their grandchildren kindness, honesty, friendship, openness, trust, attentiveness (one example, the image of A. S. Pushkin's nanny Arina Rodionovna).
The sacred transfer of experience disappears. It is good when older comrades, family members, brothers, sisters, grandmothers, grandfathers act as an example for the younger ones. They teach them with kindness and love.
It is often said about babies and children that they have an "angelic soul". And this is partly true. Their light, openness, energy affects adults in such a way that the mood automatically rises, all daytime experiences and absurdities are smoothed out, and we understand what is the most important and important thing in life.
Ideally, a family should always have an infant or small child. It fills the family and unites (someone bathes the child, someone feeds, puts to bed, reads fairy tales, teaches), cleans from vices, bad habits, bad character traits. People are not always ready to change for the better for themselves, even to quit drinking alcohol, smoking, self-development, sports for themselves), but they are ready to do it for the sake of children.
If a man and a woman are no longer able, due to their age, to have children, then in this case, the family is filled with grandchildren and great-grandchildren. This gives strength and desire to each family member to be better, smarter, more attentive, kinder. Give everyone your love and care. Children unite the family by taking care of themselves.
The role of society / society
Many religious beliefs claim that a child comes from God, through parents, to society. To put it simply, parents raise him, give life principles, teach him, but after the child gets stronger, they release him into the “world” so that he “gets on his feet”, going through his lessons, making mistakes and building his own life. Parents here already act in the role of support (moral, financial, help with advice), but more interaction takes place with society.
What kind of society, what kind of friends, work the child chooses in the greater mass determines what values and moral standards were instilled by the parents. If we think globally, in the interests of the entire planet, then children are undoubtedly our future and the future world will depend on them.
Therefore, parents investing high values in their child (so that they are free from alcohol, tobacco, foul language, cravings for "junk food", be responsive, fair, know how to love, appreciate the work of other people, they develop an interest in knowledge, spiritual development) form the conditions and set the requirements for society to meet its high standards (kindergartens with different teaching approaches, schools (with separate education for boys and girls, creative classes, sports sections, adequate educators and teachers (who really love their job and who want to teach children, interested in learning and discovering the nature of each particular child, and not just going to work)).
Such approaches form in a child, from an early age, a conscious understanding: “who he wants to be when he grows up,” and most importantly - what! And this prevents future "difficult" situations with education and choice of university / college, your profession.
There are fewer situations "just to get some education", and then find some "decent" job and hold on to it all my life. There is more conscious freedom of choice and rationality.
If parents and society take into account all of the above methods and approaches, then growing up, each child will become healthy, self-sufficient, confident, kind, harmoniously developed adults. This will inevitably generate a conscious society that takes responsibility not only for itself, but also for its family, children and those who are weak. In this way, you and I will be able to raise not only one person with a capital letter, but also a whole society.