Do you want to be unhappy? All in your hands
… And then I thought:
- Shouldn't I be upset?
Elena Smirnova
You will see the basic laws of the Universe that exist regardless of our desires. Using them, each person is able to reach unprecedented heights in the art of ruining the life of himself and others. Well, if you try very hard, then he himself can become a straight-forward source of troubles and troubles.
What sounds weird?
Or maybe the author is mocking us?
Where is such a person who will be happy with such a prospect?
Promotional video:
I'm not even kidding at all. I simply affirm that for the most part people completely voluntarily, systematically, and sometimes with great enthusiasm spoil their own lives and poison others.
Here you are, for example, dear reader.
Is your life the personification of heavenly bliss, eternal love, tender and faithful friendship, interesting leisure, good health, untold wealth and other benefits?
Isn't there something in your life that spoils your mood, poisons your health, sleep and shakes your nerves?
Do you have enough money so that you do not think about it?
Is your family or personal life a role model and envy?
Don't you have a reason to worry? Aren't there problems?
“But wait,” the dear reader will say. - Of course, I have problems (and who doesn't?). But I didn't want it to be like this. I even struggle with my problems, I try to get rid of them! It's just that circumstances are not on my side. I didn't invent these problems! Am I crazy? Are you saying that I ruined my life myself and that I myself am holding on to my problems? It doesn't look like me."
Such or approximately such a dialogue could take place between the author and an imaginary reader. Therefore, we will start from it in our further reasoning. And they will be very simple. The author will tell you in detail what needs to be done if you really want to poison your life or those around you (you never know what desires a person has?). That is, he will offer you a kind of manual on the topic: "How to break your leg at home" or "How to become an idiot." See if you are using these recommendations in your life.
Of course, you are not an idiot and do not create trouble for yourself, are you?
But there is no need to jump to conclusions, dear reader. Let's talk about some common misconceptions first.
Several misconceptions
• Misconception # 1. People don't need problems, they don't need suffering
This is the most widespread delusion. So to speak, a popular myth. The relationship "person - problem" is considered as "person - victim of the problem."
There are whole areas in psychology that claim that a person gets into problems because he has some troubles inside him (delusions, complex, fear, insecurity, etc.). And as soon as a person gets rid of his troubles, everyday problems will resolve by themselves.
With this approach, it turns out that a person is no longer a “victim of problems”, but a “victim of himself”: his complexes, his delusions, his fears. He wants to get rid of them, which is difficult.
Then the person's task is simply to acquire an arsenal of means and methods that will help him to deal with these problems. Moreover, it is understood that problems should be eliminated, because they are not beneficial to us.
Let me disagree with this. If something exists in this world, it means there is a need for it. Someone needs it! There is nothing fundamentally superfluous in the Universe. If there are still so many lonely, suffering, bored and simply dissatisfied people in the world, with a huge number of different methods on the topic of how to achieve success and how to attract luck into your life, then they need it! And some, if I may say so, are simply necessary.
A person needs to experience the whole gamut of emotions, including negative ones. Because as soon as this creates a sense of the sharpness of life, and the feeling of life in general. And that's not bad at all! It's just that people spend most of their resources, oddly enough, on creating problems. To yourself and others. However, they do it fruitfully and creatively.
At the same time, he is firmly convinced that he does NOT DO ANYTHING. But in reality, he does EVERYTHING to make these problems appear!
Most of the things we do in our life are not only useless but also harmful. It is the loser's way of thinking that creates problems fruitfully because he cannot create anything other than them.
The thinking of many people is unable to create anything but problems.
Truth: a person needs a lot of things, including problems. Suffering is a need for most people.
• Misconception # 2. A person is good in himself, problems come from outside
It is generally accepted that a normal person, in general, does not wish harm to anyone, including himself. However, life is a difficult thing and constantly throws him various tricks and troubles that he does not need at all. Those who are especially advanced call it "testing" and "checking". And a person courageously overcomes them or simply reflects. That is, he whines and complains to others about the troubles that have fallen on him.
The standard assessment of this situation: a person is initially good, and evil comes from somewhere from the outside world.
Allow me to disagree with this; The so-called "evil" does not come from outside, but is created inside. And after that it is simply pulled out into the light of day. Man is not a victim of circumstances, but a creative creator of them. Including the problem creator.
Here's a simple example. The woman says: “I didn't have a good relationship with my husband. I was not lucky . I would like to ask: did these relations develop somewhere out there, without her participation? Who put them together? And where was she at that time?
Or: "My cherished dream did not come true." And she, this dream, knows in general that she had to come true? Should it come true by itself, without your participation? And what did you do when it didn’t come true there?
And here is such a seemingly fatal case. “A brick fell on my head. Did I also create this?"
YES! Have you tried to think about why the brick fell on your head, and not on someone else's? After all, there are seven billion heads, and it was yours that was put under the brick. Perhaps you shouldn't stagger in places where bricks fall from roofs? Or, if they fall there from time to time, was it worth at least occasionally looking up?
Truth: a person is 90% the cause of everything that happens to him, including problems. On closer inspection, the remaining 10% of problems tend to come from the same source. And if he creates it, then he needs it!
• Misconception No. 3. In many situations, experiences and suffering are inevitable, even if you want to get rid of them
In fact, there are situations where you simply cannot remain calm. You just can't help but worry and suffer. You would like to look at things easier, but you are not a stone, you are a man!
Allow me to disagree with this; The so-called mental suffering (experiences, negative emotion) is voluntarily created by a person.
“Excuse me,” the dear reader will say, “you want to say that a person decides to suffer, when it is possible not to suffer?”
Exactly. Let us clarify what we mean when we say that a person suffers completely voluntarily. Let's see how this turns out.
We live in a world of events, facts, circumstances, situations. By themselves, they can be neither good nor bad. They just exist, they just happen.
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A man appears. He evaluates what he has come into contact with. And then the point of view is born. A point of view is an attitude towards what happened.
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From that time on, what a person touched will still not become good or bad (beautiful or ugly). It's just that from this time a person begins to consider it as such.
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From that time on, the actions and reactions of a person, attitude to what is happening, are built only on the basis of his point of view.
The point of view depends on the seating point
Lech Walesa
Here are some examples
• It's raining. Is this good or bad? This is NO. However, a man appears without an umbrella. This is bad for him. There is someone who judges the rain from his own position.
• A man was born. Is this good or bad? This is NO. But let's take the mother of this child. It's good for her. There is one who appreciates.
• A person has died. Is this good or bad? This is a FACT, reality. But this is bad for the family. Or good - it all depends on what kind of person he was, how he divided the inheritance, etc. There are those who evaluate.
Without our assessment, everything that happens in this world, in itself, has no meaning. This is neither good nor bad.
Nothing gets in the way of seeing like a point of view.
Don Aminado
WHAT HAPPENS neither good nor bad - Event, circumstance, state of affairs, etc.
OUR VISION of what is happening - Assessment, opinion, perception, etc.
OUR REACTION to what is happening - State, mood, actions, conclusions, actions, etc.
But this table is far from the truth. Namely: it does not take into account the most important thing.
IN REALITY:
WHAT HAPPENS neither good nor bad - Something happens in my life, a situation arises.
I CHOOSE HOW I SEE what is happening - I choose my assessment of a fact, I myself (a) form an opinion, a perception of this fact, I decide what it is for me.
I CREATE MY RESPONSE to what is happening - I build my attitude, create my mood, draw my own conclusions and take actions.
• In the beginning I CONTACT WHAT IS HAPPENING.
• I immediately decide WHAT IS MY POINT OF VIEW ON WHAT IS HAPPENING.
• Based on this attitude, I DECIDE HOW TO RESPOND TO IT.
• Based on this, I DECIDE WHAT MY ACTIONS, ACTIVITIES WILL BE.
• By this I predetermine the RESULTS OF MY ACTIONS.
You might argue that there is no freedom here. That sometimes something happens in life that it is impossible not to get upset. In this case, this is also just your point of view. And it is like this: I AM HELP. I CAN'T NOT BE MORNED.
Getting upset, by the way, is not the worst thing that can happen to you. But why did you choose this particular point of view? In the way you see and value your life, you have countless options!
For example, there is a fact. Here's how you can rate it for yourself.
What a horror! | End of the world! | Hemorrhoids! | Problem! | Here's a surprise!
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← Something is happening →
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How interesting! | Here's the challenge! | Now my goal is … | Funny! | There is a possibility…
Given the stupidity of most people, the common view is stupid rather than reasonable.
Bertrand Russell
Between the event and our reaction, there is a moment when we decide how to see what is happening.
And the fact that we do not take responsibility for this moment is another story. Why take responsibility at all?
As you could already understand from the above diagram, a person chooses to be upset, upset, grieve and grieve by himself absolutely voluntarily.
So, the truth is: suffering, experience and lingering depressive states are yours, so to speak, creativity.
What is a "problem"?
One conclusion follows logically and inevitably from all this.
A person often uses the word "problem" in his speech. And by this he usually means:
• some combination of circumstances, a state of affairs that is extremely difficult
• or it causes mental suffering
• in these circumstances, a person cannot get what he wanted (or what he would like to have is taken away from a person).
And in almost all cases there is a formula "I am a victim of my problem" or "My problem torments me."
Now let's see what a "problem" really is.
So:
1. Something is happening. It is neither good nor bad in itself. We have already passed this.
2. When you come into contact with this, you evaluate, form your opinion. And from all the available points of view on this fact, you take the one that says: "What a nightmare!", "This is a problem," "This is terrible," "This is insoluble," "I cannot do anything," etc.
3. You accept this point of view as true.
4. From all possible reactions and strategies of behavior, you choose the one that will be most consistent with your opinion about this fact. Well, if, for example, a fact for you passed under the slogan "It is insoluble", you choose a feeling of hopelessness and despondency, and as a strategy of behavior - inaction. Complete harmony, so to speak.
In short, the conclusion: the problem is not the fact itself, but our voluntarily chosen attitude to this fact and the behavior arising from the choice made (reaction, actions).
Some of the people have a phenomenal ability to create problems. That is, to see any event that occurs as the end of the world or the beginning of the end.
Give a person the right to be unhappy
The conclusion is simple and clear as daylight. You have to learn to create problems for yourself if you don't have enough of them. The following exercise may help.
Exercise "I DECIDE TO DISCONNECT!"
If you want to spoil your life, if you haven't ruined it enough for yourself, then first you need to simply get upset more often, no matter what happens. It's so easy!
Something happened, absolutely no matter what. Ask yourself: shouldn't I be upset about this? And be upset! After all, you always have such a choice.
Give yourself the right to be unhappy! Don't fight with yourself, it's absolutely useless.
• Of course, you cannot choose the weather for tomorrow, for example. But you can always get upset, whatever it is.
• You will not be able to choose a boss if you already have one. But you can always determine your own degree of unhappiness yourself, being under his command.
• If you already have a husband (anything can happen), then you will not be able to choose him, but you will be able to choose the depth of suffering that he creates for you with his shortcomings.
• You may not receive enough money. So choose the worst estimate of this fact, create the worst opinion about your salary.
• You have a few extra pounds of weight, for example. This is neither good nor bad in itself. They are simply there. So make this a problem worthy of daily discussion and unbearable suffering!
• You broke up with someone with whom you had a close relationship. This is neither good nor bad. Your task is to make a heartbreaking performance out of it. Out of all the many choices, make such that Lady Macbeth of the Mtsensk district came out against your background as just a frivolous fool.
Nine out of ten people who changed their minds were wrong the second time.
Statistics
In general, the exercises are clear. Whatever happens to you, you should remember: you yourself choose what this fact will be for you - an insoluble problem or an interesting opportunity, the end of the world or the beginning of a new life.
And if you want to spoil your life, then prefer to see nightmare and horror in everything. This exercise is extremely important, let's say, ideological - for true connoisseurs and lovers of suffering. Any professional martyr who ruined his life began with this: the ability to see in everything alarming symptoms first, then a problem, then horror, nightmare, the beginning of the end. And if not the end of the world, then at least his own life taken separately. You have an amazing opportunity to walk this path.
If you master this skill, everything else will seem like a mere trifle to you.
Yulia Sviyash