Want to succeed Steve Jobs? Stop mumbling, whining, worrying about acne once and for all, seducing the most beautiful girl on the course and influencing people in two minutes? Stop drinking, smoking and speaking English? This is not for your grandmother - she is powerless here, this is for you to the NLP coach.
History of the issue
Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a fashionable trend in psychotherapy and practical psychology, developed in the 1970s by American psychologist Richard Bandler, linguist John Grinder, and business coach Frank Pucelic. At one time, this trio came up with the idea that if you copy the behavior (verbal and non-verbal) of successful people, you can achieve, if not the same, then completely satisfactory results in terms of your own success. What Bandler, Grinder, and Pucelik really accomplished by creating NLP. Although, by and large, they did not create so much, in many respects only summarizing the "world" experience of manipulations, which we all use to varying degrees, but every day.
It is no secret that a number of researchers seriously doubt the effectiveness of the NLP technique, calling it the most discredited therapeutic practice. Many do not attribute neurolinguistic programming to a scientific direction (however, here the question remains open, since psychotherapy is often difficult to attribute to scientific activity for a number of reasons - NS), some doubt the ethics of its application. In general, NLP has enough ill-wishers. But is neurolinguistic programming really so ineffective and immoral? Let's figure it out.
Let's make a reservation right away: of course, we won't be able to talk about all the principles and tricks of NLP, since this area is quite wide - let's talk only about some of the techniques.
NLP time tree
Promotional video:
Photo: NS
Drop anchor
One of the main techniques of NLP is the so-called anchoring technique, which is built around a conditioned reflex, which is called an anchor. It is known that our conditioned reflexes arise by themselves. For example, if during the period of our first love we heard the same song on the radio every now and then, then years later this song will remind us of that carefree time.
NLPists have learned to use this seemingly useless property in the manipulation technique, that is, they were able to form the necessary conditioned reflex artificially. You can do the same - just a little practice is enough. How does this happen?
To begin with, let's say that anchors can be positive and negative, that is, they can cause both positive and negative emotions in the "anchored" person. Anchoring itself is divided into auditory, visual and kinesthetic. You can put an anchor to yourself, or to another person. The anchor person determines which type of anchoring of the other person is best available at the moment. Usually the anchoring of another is a rather implicit process, it happens unnoticed by a person.
Let's say you're a neuro-linguistic therapist and want your new client to associate you with support. Wait for him to talk about some sad episode in his life (or evoke such memories, for example, with appropriate questions), and now put your hand on his shoulder (or, say, touch his hand, wrist). This will be a kinesthetic anchor.
Of course, your client noticed this action, but it was implicit, he explained it to himself in some way or did not explain it at all. Typically, the anchoring process requires anchoring (this is called an anchor stack). To “strengthen” your position, that is, an anchor, next time, under some pretext, remind the client again about the sad moments of his life - and again imperceptibly put your hand on your shoulder. The same can be repeated next time. And then - that's it: the anchor will be fixed, and the client will remember you with gratitude as a person who supports him, and, apparently, will go to you for a long time, gradually, and most importantly, voluntarily giving you what was acquired by back-breaking labor.
We also add that all our emotions, if you approach them armed with an algebra textbook, are like a sinusoid: they have a certain rise, peak and, finally, decline. So, NLPists advise: the process of anchoring should start only when a person's emotions are at their peak, and even better - just before the very peak of their development.
In order to anchor yourself, for example, to a feeling of joy - wait until you have a similar state, and smell your favorite perfume, turn on a good song or look at a dear photograph on the table. Do the same next time and then again. In the end, you will achieve the fact that when you sniff perfume with the same scent, hear a song or look at a photo, you will feel joy. NLP experts say that this is a very effective way to cheer yourself up, which, of course, is hard to doubt. One thing is unclear: will your joy diminish after you remember that you “urgently” need to “anchor” it, and will it not be replaced by a feeling of disgust after several attempts to artificially cause it - we are not robots.
Photo: NS
Swing technique
It is used to change a habitual action, a pattern of behavior. Anyone - from reacting to a boss splashing saliva to working with some bad habit, such as smoking.
The work is carried out with a chain of stimulus - reaction. The stimulus does not depend on the person, most often it comes from the outside. The task of technology is to create a different response to this stimulus. Its inventor - the aforementioned linguist John Grinder - believed that this process of transformation of one state into another must be accompanied by some hissing sound. Hence the name of the technique: "swing" in English - swish.
All technique is tied to the so-called keys, that is, those images, sounds or sensations that are a stimulus in a given situation for a particular person. The main criterion for a key is versatility. All situations associated with this stimulus should be included in it as some kind of nodal stations.
Photo: NS
How to quit smoking?
They say that it is with this bad habit that NLPists really work very effectively (provided, of course, that the person wants it himself). The work is carried out in the same "swing" technique. And now step by step instructions.
1. First of all, indicate your intention - to quit smoking, and then analyze what exactly you get from the fact that you smoke, why you do it and what it gives you. Be extremely honest with yourself - this clarification applies to all of the following points.
2. Now think carefully: why do you want to change, why do you want to quit smoking. Are you really willing to lose or replace something in order to gain a new state.
3. Think carefully about how to substitute each of the benefits of your smoking with what kind of more acceptable activity that is actually available to you today and you really want.
4. The visual clue (stimulus - the urge to smoke - most people associate with a certain picture, therefore it is visual, not auditory and kinesthetic) to the smoking situation can be the following images: the sight of a cigarette, the sight of a person who smokes, a friend's suggestion Let's go let's smoke”, a cup of coffee, etc. Find“your”key, the picture that triggers your desire to smoke. Most often it is an image of yourself lighting a cigarette, cigarette in hand. In order to find out which key is yours, it is worth asking yourself the question: how do I understand it is time to smoke?
5. The next step - draw in your imagination a new image of yourself, taking into account the activities that should replace smoking for you. Make this look as attractive as possible to you. You should be happy and comfortable remembering it. This image (in fact, the picture in the head) must meet two more criteria: be dissociated and have a blurred background in order to fit any situation.
The next stage is the swing itself. Having imagined an image of yourself with a cigarette, quickly replace it with your new self-image so that it completely replaces the first one and looks brighter and more attractive. Then look around, blink, and try again. In total, you need to do five to seven such repetitions.
6. Now check what you have done and how your attitude towards smoking has changed. Try to smoke and watch your feelings. If nothing has changed, go back to the fifth point and do a few more repetitions. Remember that the new self-image must be really very attractive to you.
7. Final check - ask yourself a question: can a new state interfere with your life? If it can, then it is necessary to refine the self-image, add the necessary resources to it.
We emphasize once again that this technique is effective only if you really figured out why you smoke and what it gives you, and managed to create an attractive image of the ideal self that you want to strive for.
Fast work with fears
This is one of the most famous NLP techniques. She works with fears that have formed in a person under the influence of some traumatic situation. For example, a person is afraid to drive a car after being in a serious accident one day. Another feature is that a person must remember the traumatic situation. In addition to phobias, any events that a person considers traumatic for himself are amenable to this same technique.
Of course, it is necessary to work with such things in trainings, under the guidance of an experienced specialist (especially since interaction with another person is important for such exercises), but as an experiment you can try it yourself.
So, you are indoors. Imagine where visually traumatic or similar situations can be located (for example, driving in a car at high speed, with a drunk driver, an accident, etc.). What do you see in this picture? Is it static, moving? Is it colored or black and white? Which picture is it - square, round, rectangular? How far is it from you? How big is it? Looking at the picture, rate your emotional state on a negative ten-point scale, where 1 is the highest score.
Then describe a situation in which you feel comfortable. Let this situation be invented and modeled by you for the time being - it's okay (say, a quiet ride in a car with an experienced driver). The main thing is that you feel good in it. Now place it in the room again. Look at her. How far from you is she? At what height, or maybe on a par with you? What shape is it? Colored, black and white? Rate your emotional state, which you are experiencing by looking at this picture, on a positive ten-point scale, where 10 is the highest score.
Now imagine the third picture - the one that will help you move from negative to a state that is comfortable for you. In other words, you need to provide a resource that will help you overcome the current situation. Where is this picture in the room? Describe it. Sometimes there is no such picture, a person does not see his resource. There is nothing wrong with that. Then you can work with the two previous "images".
So, look at your first negative image for you. Move it as far away from you as possible. How far has she moved? On a negative ten-point scale, rate how your attitude has changed about this situation. Move it further. What will be your assessment now? How did the bodily sensations change when you moved this picture?
Next, look at the second - positive - picture. Can you visually bring her closer to you? Zoom in until it approaches. How close was it? If you failed to zoom in, try to enlarge the picture, for example, twice. How much do you assess your emotional state now on a positive ten-point scale?
Finally, try to mentally remove the negative image and drag the positive image into its place. What are your feelings now? Rate it in points.
Review this exercise mentally in situations where fear arises.
NLP and pickup
In such a fertile field as a pickup (that is, meeting a member of the opposite sex for the purpose of seduction), many NLP techniques flourish. Basically, pick-up artists use techniques such as NLP in jokes, the familiar anchoring technique (playing with sensations, images, sounds and tastes), behavior in a situation where a girl refuses a date because she has a boyfriend, and so on. In the technique, a number of manipulations are used in order to lure a girl out (mostly pickupers are still young people, although there are also girls) for a date. And finally, a technique based on paradoxical suggestion is used, the so-called “closer-further” technique (one of its elements is, for example, the following words: “I thought I loved you, but it turned out that it was not so.” words and a number of manipulations the object of interest to the pickup artist,just won't be able to part with him).
Photo: Getty Images
How to seduce a girl?
To do this, according to the assurances of the pickup trainers, you need to go through a difficult learning process, so we will give only a few simple tips.
Indecision, modesty, shyness are the main enemies of a guy in the difficult task of seducing a girl. The first rule is a smile, which should always be with you. Rule # 2 - watch what you say, what words you use. The third rule - look into the eyes of the interlocutor and try to imperceptibly copy his postures, gestures and facial expressions. Without realizing it, the interlocutor will begin to perceive you as an open person who can be trusted (but we both know that you should not be trusted at all, which once again proves how dear our illusions are to us - NS). Rule number 4 - take into account the comfort zone that each person has, and the girl has it most clearly. This means that when meeting a girl, you should not approach from the back or directly on the forehead, blocking her path. The most optimal is to approach from the side,because the comfort zone there is minimal - at arm's length, and therefore, the distance is shorter.
Most often, people communicate on social networks. Therefore, in order to interest a girl with whom you have already talked, as pickupers advise, it is useful not to appear on social networks, say, for a couple of days. Then check in on a couple of photos from some interesting places. All this is necessary for the girl to feel that you have your own personal life and that you will not come running at her first request.
This is the simplest. The next step is to learn things like closer-further exercises. For example, when she calls you, tell her you will call back. When you do this (in 20 minutes, or better in an hour), she will already be somewhat confused (the arrogance that 99% of the girls have, according to the crafty pick-up artists, by this moment she will just get off), and you will already be in control of the situation you. But you have to understand that this is too subtle science - you can go too far and go too far, then the girl can jump off your cunning hook.
If the girl simply does not notice you, it is useful for a start to somehow stand out from the crowd. For example, she is studying with you on the same course. Get a huge calculator or other item that would simply distinguish you from other people. After the girl "remembers" you, start further communication, for example, on a social network.
Of course, no matter how trite it is, you should not forget about your appearance - go to the stylist, buy fashionable clothes, etc. Any pick-up artist will tell you: you should not start the hunt for women's hearts with a low-quality "upgrade", because in this case even an omnipotent pickup might not work. It is necessary to somehow work with the inner state, because you can know all the techniques by heart, but remain extremely timid and shy - in this case, they will not work either.
Top male mistakes with women
According to professional pickup artists, most men, as a rule, try to conquer a girl with numerous compliments, fill up with bouquets of flowers, drive to expensive restaurants, etc. And this is good, but good in moderation and at the right time. For example, compliments are especially good when you are already taking off a girl's underwear - then, in the opinion of all the same experts, she believes absolutely everything. But on a date with the wrong compliment, you can fly like a flock of rasps.
The second mistake is that many men believe that a girl should very clearly show that she is good with you, that you are doing everything right. Many believe that the girl herself should take the initiative. Often this does not happen, and the man begins to retreat, fearing that the girl does not like him.
Photo: Getty Images
How to seduce a guy?
One of the most effective methods is the anchoring technique described above. The most effective “recipe” is to make a guy remember a moment in his life when he was most excited. Even if the excitement is associated with another girl, it doesn't matter, the main thing is to make him remember this moment. Start a conversation about memories and move smoothly to that topic. Your task is to evoke these sensations in any way. As soon as the guy remembers them, scrolls the corresponding pictures in his head, he will have no choice but to transfer the whole whirlwind of his passions to you, since it is you who will be there. It is very simple and, as the “pick-up women” assure, it always works.
It is also useful at this moment to accidentally touch the guy, but not to shake his hand (since this is a social gesture), but, say, to touch his head. It is better to do this in similar moments in different situations, but always touch the same place. Thus, the guy will have an anchor, which you will skillfully cast in the future at the moment when you need it. Pickup trainers promise: the guy will be aroused by your touch on the back of his head.
Well, if it doesn't work, remember that the good old (or rather, of course, young) décolleté zone will always help you.
In fact, NLP techniques actually work, but not all, not always, and not in all situations. It is useful to use them, but, perhaps, not for everyone and dosed. NLP and pickup techniques work well for tactics, but alas, not for strategy. The fact is that such manipulative methods, as a rule, are of great interest to rather notorious people, pathologically insecure and not very talented. And although this is not always the case, the desire to control and manipulate suggests that you unconsciously feel inner doubts about your ability to contact people in some other way. Certain aspects of NLP practice, of course, can be very useful in life, but their too extensive implementation will probably work only up to a certain point. So, maybe you will seduce a girl or a guy you like, but will you build normal ones with her / him,a trusting relationship, having a baggage of total uncertainty and suspicion behind your back, whether you will be able to maintain this relationship is a big question.
