Have you ever been late? For sure. At least once in our lives, each of us has been let down by an alarm clock, transportation, or our own lack of assembly. However, there are people who are constantly late, chronically. And it's not about traffic jams or lack of discipline. Psychologists believe that systematic delays are often subconscious in nature and bring some latent benefit to the late. In a word, if we are late, then we need it for some reason. Why?
Imagine this situation: a person is late for work every day, while other times he is punctual. That is, he comes to dates, to the theater or to the train station on time, but never to work. The conclusion suggests itself: so, maybe something does not suit him at this very job? And he unconsciously resists her, tries to somehow postpone the “terrible hour”. Even Sigmund Freud noticed that patients were always late for an appointment just when in the course of psychotherapy they had to remember something unpleasant or even scary about themselves. The psyche began to defend itself against negative emotions, and the client immediately had a bunch of excuses to cancel the visit to the psychoanalyst or at least be late. Yes, sometimes we really do not want to go somewhere: to work, home, a business meeting, visiting relatives … But we try not to grumble,do not be indignant, we trudge to a disgusting service, to a date with someone we do not like at all, or to the next anniversary of a grumpy aunt. Because it is necessary. But no matter how we try to come to terms with the inevitable, our subconscious continues to resent and protest. And we keep on being late.
HOLIDAY OF DISOBEDIENCE
Another category of chronically late is people who, in childhood, experienced the pressure of overly demanding parents. Sometimes, trying to embrace the immensity and raise a versatile person, dad and mom send their child to several circles and sections at once, which literally deprives him of his childhood. Constantly hearing in his address: “You must!”, “Don’t let me down!”, “Pull yourself together!”, Such a child can grow into a perfectionist - a hyper-responsible, disciplined adult, accustomed to always doing everything perfectly well. But even an “eternal excellent student” must sometimes relieve tension and relax. In a moment of fatigue, a rebel may wake up in his soul. He will not go into the lead - he is not used to it. But being late can become a small outlet for such a person, his personal holiday of disobedience.
If parents go too far and impose discipline too harshly, their child can grow into a person who will violently resist any attempt to restrict his freedom. Living on a schedule in childhood, in their adult life, such people will in every possible way avoid any pressure, resist any rules and framework. And of course, they will never come anywhere on time.
DESIRE TO RULE
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Another reason is the desire to feel your indispensability and power over other people. "They won't start without us!" and “Let the whole world wait” - phrases from the repertoire of those who like to assert themselves at someone else's expense. Forcing yourself to wait means forcing those who are waiting to be worried, worried, and insecure. And finally, here it is - the spectacular appearance of our hero. I came, saw, freed me from agonizing expectation and … enjoyed my power over other people's attention and time.
This type of behavior is often demonstrated by officials and bosses of all stripes. Moreover, the smaller the boss, the less he is, the more shamelessly he steals other people's time. This is understandable: a professional, self-sufficient, self-confident person does not need to play all these games. By the way, girls who are regularly late for dates are sometimes guided by similar motives. Their thoughts and feelings were expressed by Marilyn Monroe, who once said: “To be late means to make sure that you are expected. Know that you are irreplaceable."
NEED TO THINK
How to stop being late? This question cannot be answered unequivocally. As already mentioned, all of the listed reasons for being late are psychological, deep, hidden. A person, as a rule, is not aware of them. Therefore, advice from the series: "Plan your time", "Move the clock 20 minutes ahead" will not help here. Only by realizing the reason for your lateness will you start arriving on time. Ask yourself: Where am I most often late? Why am I doing this? What do my lateness give me? What are my needs they satisfy? How can the situation be changed?"
Think about those who are waiting for you. What does a person feel? Maybe annoyance, resentment, anxiety, regret about wasted time? Keep all this in mind when you get ready for a meeting. Perhaps this will give you a boost?
If it's not you, but your friend (lover) who is systematically late for you, think about what is in you or your behavior that allows him to do this? Do you know how to build boundaries? Do you value your time? Have you allowed someone to sit comfortably around your neck? You might want to try setting some kind of wait limit for yourself, like 15 minutes. After which you next time with peace of mind - no offense, showdown - go about your business. Maybe after that your friends and family will start to treat you more attentively?