Love is known to come and go. We are disappointed in our chosen one and suffering begins - reproaches, quarrels, partings. What to do? After all, no one is immune from falling in love, people tend to look for their soul mate. The solution to the problem may suggest knowledge of the work of psychological mechanisms.
Euphoria of the unconscious
Falling in love or romantic love is perhaps the brightest and most unusual state of a person. It is when we are in love that it seems that we can move mountains, not sleep, not eat, but remain strong and vigorous, easy-going. Any employer can envy the degree of concentration on the object of love - such a concentration at work, on their functions and tasks! But, alas, the lover becomes scattered in everything that has nothing to do with his love - at work, in school … It is generally accepted that falling in love eventually develops into love, and if the feelings are mutual, it ends in marriage. This is where the euphoria ends. Divorce statistics show that their number is growing steadily. And it is especially those who married “for love” that get divorced especially often. Very often, when a marriage is dissolved, you can hear the phrase:"How could I fall in love with him?" or "What did I find in her?" So why does the famous formula "They lived happily ever after and died on the same day" does not come true? In many ways, this can be explained by referring to psychology, to Sigmund Freud's theory of the unconscious. And also, in part, considering the state of love from the point of view of physiology - as a change in the hormonal background of a person. And yet, as far as the soul is concerned, and it is there, as you know, that feelings arise, you will have to turn, first of all, to Freud's theory.considering the state of love from the point of view of physiology - as a change in the hormonal background of a person. And yet, as far as the soul is concerned, and it is there, as you know, that feelings arise, you will have to turn first of all to Freud's theory.considering the state of love from the point of view of physiology - as a change in the hormonal background of a person. And yet, as far as the soul is concerned, and it is there, as you know, that feelings arise, you will have to turn, first of all, to Freud's theory.
Consciousness and unconsciousness are two parts that make up our psyche, or soul. The unconscious is only what happened to us, what we once saw or heard as if on the periphery of perception: books, films, stories of other people. For various reasons, this material was not realized and processed by our psyche. A very small part remains in the mind. Sometimes what has been repressed into the unconscious comes up and looks like a memory. And sometimes it seems that information appears out of nowhere, since a person does not remember such events, feelings, or sensations. But do not forget that information not accepted by consciousness falls into the unconscious. And in the euphoria of falling in love, this information emerges from the unconscious at the right time as a memory, or as an inner voice. In a state of love, a person uses precisely the unconscious part of his psyche, although outwardly he looks quite conscious - the lover can even explain what he loves in the object of love, why he is so good for him. The state of falling in love seems to open a person, removes boundaries and barriers, allows you to enter into a relationship and, in the end, continue the race, that is, by and large, life. In the normal state, we are more sealed, closed, inaccessible. And many, especially women, say that they cannot have sex if there is no love. When we are not in love, we are more rational and can take information calmly, even if we do not really like it. The state of falling in love seems to open a person, removes boundaries and barriers, allows you to enter into a relationship and, in the end, continue the race, that is, by and large, life. In the normal state, we are more sealed, closed, inaccessible. And many, especially women, say that they cannot have sex if there is no love. When we are not in love, we are more rational and can take information calmly, even if we do not really like it. The state of falling in love seems to open up a person, removes boundaries and barriers, allows you to enter into relationships and, in the end, continue the race, that is, by and large, life. In the normal state, we are more sealed, closed, inaccessible. And many, especially women, say that they cannot have sex if there is no love. When we are not in love, we are more rational and can take information calmly, even if we do not really like it.
MIND AND FEELINGS
As objects of love, we choose those who have the traits of people who are significant to us (first of all, parents), that is, we seem to vaguely recognize them. Sometimes these traits are not external, but mental - a similarity to how they treated us, what they valued in us, or what important people for us were scolded for. Unconsciously, all these expectations are directed to a suitable object, in the psyche of which hidden unconscious processes also occur. It is then that the idealization mechanism turns on: “Oh, he is so amazing! Oh, she's the best! And indeed, wonderful things happen at this heightened energy level - you want to become better, smarter, kinder. How can you not correspond to the qualities that the other half projects on you? Many will remember how they did wonderful deeds, or began to love what they never loved, just becausethat your lover liked it. However, unfortunately, or fortunately, it is impossible to live for a long time in such heat of feelings and tension of mental strength. And now the level of hormones is falling, and in real life all sorts of events begin to occur that upset, strain, offend. The idealization of the object ends, and people begin to notice with surprise that their chosen one is not so courageous, generous, kind and smart, as it seemed in love blinding. Any idealization ends in disappointment … But no one will refuse to fall in love and never, no matter how disappointments it ends. After all, this state is too sweet, bright, strong and therefore so desirable against the background of a boring and gray everyday life. However, it is worth considering - perhaps if, in general, your life is more diverse, interesting and brighter,then falling in love will cease to be a cure for boredom, but will become a means to expand the boundaries of one's perception and consciousness, to grow up, to learn something new. It is also important to take into account that the state of being in love does not last long, no more than 3-6 months, so you simply should not make fateful decisions hastily. You need to give yourself time, get to know yourself, your needs, analyze what kind of people you like, why you choose them, what gives you communication with them. And also - what do you lack, what qualities of people do you idealize. After all, the better you get to know yourself, your needs and characteristics, the less you will have to be disappointed because of broken illusions. Life destroys love precisely because it tests exalted feelings in the events of real everyday life. And the more joint activities, communication,interests with your beloved, the more likely you are to see not an image you invented, but a real person with his positive and negative qualities.
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Larisa NARYSHKINA