If you are not familiar with the Karpman triangle, it represents the dynamics of unhealthy and manipulative relationships. Each corner of the triangle represents the role people play in the dysfunctional relationship game. One corner is the victim (please help me); one corner is a lifeguard (responsible for other people's lives); and the third corner is the pursuer (villain). All three roles that are in the Karpman triangle are very mobile and can easily transition into each other. Many are pretty good at all three roles, depending on the situation.
How to get out of the Karpman triangle
Unfortunately, the Karpman triangle is often a long-term relationship that will never have a winner. In such a triangle gossip and intrigue live, because initially in the solution of all issues there are lies and self-pity for a loved one and there is simply no desire to take any steps to resolve the issue. Let's look at how to get out of this game with dignity and not become a pawn on someone else's board. To begin with, you need to accurately identify your role in such a game, who you are the Rescuer, Persecutor or Victim. Only a precise definition of its function in such a relationship model will allow us to understand how to get out of the Karpman triangle.
So, to exit you need to follow a few simple steps.
The first step is to just know about the game, how it works, and what roles you play the most. What role did you play as a child? Can you identify the roles that other members of your family have played? Are they still playing them?
The lifeguard role may be the easiest to recognize, as it actually sounds dignified. However, this is not real philanthropy - it is about control and taking care of someone else's life, thereby neglecting your own.
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If you are used to being a victim, on the other hand, you will often be looking for someone or something outside of yourself to blame. (In fact, the hallmark of all roles is that attention is usually directed outward.)
Finally, while no one likes to admit to being a stalker, if anger is your emotion, when things go wrong, you are in that role. In fact, anger is just a mask for fear, shame, and powerlessness. Unfortunately, adult persecutors were often victims as children. There are no good guys or bad guys in the drama triangle - everyone loses.
Once you become aware of your roles, it will be much easier for you to recognize the game and eventually get out of it. Since the drama triangle is all about the affairs of other people, getting out of it requires you to stay firm in your own!
Exit from the Karpaman triangle for the Victim
Most importantly, take full responsibility for your life into your own hands. Intuition and a sober mind will help you. Do not pass problems onto anyone else. If you have a fight with your husband, ladies, find compromises and never involve a third party in the person of relatives or friends.
- Ask for help from others if you feel that you yourself cannot cope with the problem, just do not make stupid demands to punish the culprit.
- We must take it for granted that friends or relatives are not obliged to help you, while leaving their affairs.
- Try to keep your emotions from getting the better of your mind.
Exiting the Karpman Triangle for the Pursuer
- No one should be condemned or judged.
- Try not to be overwhelmed by aggression.
- Learn to respect the opinions of the people around you.
- Even if you are right in a situation, do not rush to put pressure on a person, help him figure it out, draw the right conclusions.
Exit from the Karpman triangle for the Rescuer
- If you are asked for help, then of course help, and then only if you are sure that you cannot do without.
- You shouldn't feel like the embodiment of justice on the planet. In any situation, there are always pitfalls, and you do not know about them.
- Try to look at the situation from the perspective of the Victim and from the perspective of the Persecutor. It will certainly surprise you that the Victim is not so innocent.
- If you feel in yourself an unfulfilled need to help others, then find someone who really needs it.
- Try to convince the person asking for help to get down to business on their own.
- Learning to refuse is important. If it seems to you that you are being used in the dark, as a vest, to throw out negativity on you, do not be afraid to stop it.
Remember, starting to look for different solutions to an urgent problem yourself is the best way to get out of the Kapman triangle.
