The famous American psychologist, author of the concept of scenario analysis, Eric Berne, believed that we all unconsciously program our life at the age of 6 years, and then we live according to this scenario. It is not easy to change it, but with a strong desire and effort it is possible. In this article I will tell you how we shape our life scenario in childhood.
Each person has a basic position regarding himself and the world, which is formed in the first years of life. Then, on the basis of this position, the child chooses the plot of his script. The position, as a rule, is quite stable, it is as difficult for a person to refuse it as “to take out the foundation from under his own house without destroying it”.
So, Eric Berne, in his book People Who Play Games, wrote that until about three years old, a child forms certain beliefs (attitudes) regarding:
1) yourself ("I'm good, I'm okay" or "I'm bad, I'm not okay") and
2) the surrounding people, first of all the parents (“You are good, everything is all right with you” or “You are bad, everything is not all right with you”).
These are the simplest two-sided positions - I and You are abbreviated as follows: plus (+) is the position "everything is in order", minus (-) is the position "not everything is in order". The combination of these units gives four two-sided positions, based on which the "primary protocol" is formed - the core of a person's life scenario.
1. Position of success (I +, You +). This is the position of a healthy person. People with this position usually become leaders: even in the most difficult circumstances, they maintain respect for themselves and their subordinates.
2. Position of superiority (I +, You-). A person with this position plays the game "you are to blame": he is constantly looking for real or imagined enemies. Such people, as a rule, give unsolicited advice: they climb to help "ungrateful" people in what they do not need. In life, they can be both winners and losers. Let me remind you that Eric Berne identified three types of life scenarios, within which there are a huge number of options: 1. Winner; 2. Winner; 3. Loser.
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3. The position of depression (I-, You +). They are mostly melancholic, people who torture themselves. Most often they live alone. A variant of their scenario: "if only", "I should have." This is usually a loser scenario.
4. Position of hopelessness (I-, You-). This is also a loser scenario. Moreover, Eric Berne believes that from a clinical point of view, this position contains some signs of psychiatric illness.
Let me remind you that these positions are rather difficult to change. Eric Berne gives an example of a stable life position. A person who considers himself poor and others rich (me -, you +) will not give up his opinion, even if suddenly he has a lot of money. This will not make him rich in his own right. He will still consider himself poor, who is just lucky. And a person who considers it important to be rich, unlike the poor (me +, you -), will not give up his position, even if he loses his wealth. For everyone around him, he will remain the same "rich" person, only experiencing temporary financial difficulties.
But sometimes there are people whose position is unstable. They hesitate and jump from one position to another, for example, from I “+” You “+” to I “-” You “-” or from I “+” You “-” to I “-” You “+”. These are mainly unstable, anxious personalities. Eric Berne considers stable people whose positions (good or bad) are difficult to shake, and such are the majority.
Positions not only determine our life scenario, they are also very important in everyday interpersonal relationships. The first thing people feel about each other is their positions. And then, in most cases, like is drawn to like.
The plot of the script: how the child chooses it
So, the child already knows how he should perceive people, how other people will treat him and what “like me” means. The next step in the development of the script is the search for a plot that answers the question: "What happens to people like me?" Sooner or later, the child will hear a story about someone "like me." It can be a fairy tale read to him by his mother or father, a story told by his grandmother or grandfather, or a story about a boy or girl heard on the street. But wherever he hears this story, it will make such a strong impression on him that he immediately "understands": "It's me!" The story he heard will give him a "skeleton" of the script, which he will try to implement all his life.
So, based on the earliest experience, the child chooses his positions. Then, from what he reads and hears, he forms a further life plan. This is the first version of his script. If external circumstances will contribute (and they, as a rule, do, since the unconscious scenario is very strong), then a person's life will go according to the plot that has developed on this basis.
Please write in the comments if you are interested in this topic. If there are a lot of comments and likes, then in the next article I will tell you how Eric Berne proposes to reprogram his destiny - to change the script to the one that you like more.