Have you ever wondered why it is so difficult for almost all of us to be constantly with children? Why are we drawn somewhere from home? Why, for the sake of going out, we are ready to give our children to other people for education, people,
Have you ever wondered why it is so difficult for almost all of us to be constantly with children?
Why are we drawn somewhere from home? Why, for the sake of publication, are we ready to give our children to other people for upbringing, people whom we do not know? Why are we more concerned with fashion and gossip than pedagogy and healthy eating? Why doesn't family take center stage in our life? Why is our future and self-realization, our desires more important than the future of our children?
Now all these questions are rhetorical.
We do not know how to be happy mothers, wives, housewives, women … We do not see the point in devoting as much time as possible to children, to bake cookies every day, to wear skirts and dresses, to iron our husband's shirts, thinking about his life purpose …
We do not see any value or importance in this. Family, motherhood, devotion, sacrifice, femininity … Everything was devalued. Everything has lost its meaning.
Why did this happen?
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Why do we rush to work, abandoning a child of one and a half to two years to some strange woman in kindergarten? After all, she will not love him. She would treat him like a base plinth in an electric lamp factory. For her, it's a conveyor belt. She will not even try to see the personality in this child. She will put pressure on him, demanding to be like everyone else, because she has 25 of them and there is no other way with them.
Once upon a time, about 30 years ago, our mother also sent us to kindergarten. The same aunt. A bit strange. But there is nothing to do. We have to go to work. Only practically each of us was then about a year old.
And we grew and developed not at home almost all this time … Or, more precisely, 21 years - 5 years of kindergarten, 11 years of school and 5 years of university. All this time we were at home almost only in the evenings and sometimes on weekends. We were constantly in a hurry somewhere. We had things to do - matinees, classes, lessons, tests, tutors, exams, couples, coursework, diploma, work, courses …
We were told - study, otherwise you will be a housewife! And it sounded so threatening that I really wanted to gnaw the granite of science with my teeth. After all, the main thing is a red diploma, a good job and a breathtaking career. Well, or at least just get a job somewhere, because you need to provide for yourself.
How often did the whole family gather at the dinner table? Only on holidays.
How often did mom meet us from school? Usually we came home ourselves and warmed up lunch for ourselves or stayed on after-hours. In the evening, my mother, tired and embittered from endless troubles at work, came home. She didn't want to speak or eat. She asked about the grades (if she didn't forget), checked the lessons casually and sent everyone to bed.
We didn't know them either. We could not recognize them, because we did not have time for long intimate conversations, for summer vacations with tents by the river, for joint games or reading, for a family trip to the theater or park on weekends …
And so we grew … So we cultivated in ourselves some ideas and ideas about the future, about life, about life goals and ideas.
And in our minds very little place was reserved for the family. Exactly the same as we saw in our families.
You gotta love to do it
After all, in order to mess with a child for a long time, to play with him, you need to love to do it.
To constantly bake cookies every day and cook a lot of different foods, you need to love to do it.
To devote time to home - decorating, cleaning, improving, creating a cozy atmosphere, you need to love to do it.
To want to live by the goals and ideas of the husband, to worry about him and his future, you need … to love your husband, and not just yourself next to him.
Mom instills all this in her daughter. She is her first and most important teacher. She points to life guidelines. She teaches to love … her female mission. She explains the importance of being a wife and mother. She teaches … to love.
And if the daughter practically did not see her mother, and if she did, then she did not at all inspire for family happiness, then how could she find it herself ?!
We were doomed to lose our purity and love, because we were taught only how to make a career.
We were taught that the word "success" has meaning only outside the home, only somewhere within the government walls.
And then we quietly cry over the ruined marriage (of which there are already), over the alienation of children and some strange feeling that someone once deceived us.
But there is always a way out. The way out is to learn. Learn to be a mother, wife, mistress, woman. Slowly, little by little … Learn to see everything with different eyes. Feminine, kind, loving …
Learn to love. Learning to think not about work most of the day, but about your family.
Learn to appreciate the family, husband, children. Serve them, help them become better, bloom like flower buds warmed by our love.
We need to look deeper and understand that we are not just raising a person, we are shaping his inner world, his worldview, his life attitudes. Much of what he receives as a child will follow him throughout his life. And we need to make a brilliant career as a mother and wife. And even if we don't even try to climb this career ladder, disappointment will be an integral part of our old age. Because missed opportunities and rejected responsibility bear very bitter fruits in the future.
And it's important to remember that everything will bear fruit in due time. What will they be? Much depends on us. From our vector of life, from the values that we carry to this world … to the world of our family.
Author: Natalia Bogdan