They are young, more often beautiful and successful. They often lead a secular life, follow fashion, are educated and progressive. Life without sex is natural for them. And beautiful.
They don't give it up because of belief or illness. They just don’t need “it” and they are not interested. In principle, they do not understand how it is - they are fond of the desire to make love with someone.
They are young, more often beautiful and successful. They often lead a secular life, follow fashion, are educated and progressive. Life without sex is natural for them. And beautiful. They don't give it up because of belief or illness. They just do not need "this" and are not interested. In principle, they do not understand how sick it is from the desire to make love to someone.
Two forms of asexuality
Someone calls them madmen, someone the people of the future. Meanwhile, it is a fact: asexuals are not aliens - they live among us. Some experts are convinced that their number is no less than homosexuals. The Independent estimates that about one percent of the world's population admits they have no sexual attraction.
The book, which will be published in October 2012 in the UK, argues that such people should be recognized as a fourth sexual orientation - asexual. The book's author, Professor Anthony Bogart, says that an increasing number of people are identifying themselves in this category. He defines asexuality as the complete absence of sexual desire. “There are two forms of asexuality: people who want sex, but do not direct this desire to other people, and people who do not feel the need for sex at all,” the professor said.
The term "asexuality" became popular in 2001 when David Jay launched the asexual site Aven. Now 50 thousand people are registered on it around the world. The asexual community consists of people who call themselves hetero-romantics who have romantic feelings for the opposite sex without sexual attraction, hom-romantics who have romantic feelings for the same sex, and bi romantics.
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Family: no kisses, no hugs
They are able to experience deep emotions, affection, spiritual closeness. Asexuals fall in love, but do not want carnal love. It happens that they agree to give in to the sexual "harassment" of a partner: "you want to, well, okay, so be it …".
Some marry and get married solely "to divert their eyes", creating the illusion of social well-being, so that no one pesters with questions.
Recently, asexuals have found each other on specialized Internet sites. They meet, fall in love, get married. Everything is like people here. However, they often don't need kisses or just hugs. Some decide to adopt a child, others plan to have children in the future by resorting to surrogate motherhood.
If you believe the revelations, these people are really happy, as they have found “their own kind” and understand each other without words. They live in peace and harmony. As one satirist used to say: "… my wife and I have complete harmony: she doesn't want to, but I don't need to!"
Professional look
What is asexuality: pathology or "new norm", sexologist Dmitry Vorsin told MedPulse.
- It is not for nothing that the concept of "sexual health" exists as a degree of optimal sexual adaptation to a partner. Being “sexy” is definitely good! But not in the sense of right and necessary, but in the sense of - naturally and worth it! You can talk endlessly, but it's better to just experience a full-fledged love-sexual relationship.
What are the "dividends"?
- I am often asked, - says Dr. Vorsin, - Is there any benefit from sex? Is it possible to receive "dividends" from him? Sure! At the most "primitive" physiological level - this is healthy excitement, a breakthrough of vital energy, increased efficiency and activity …
On the psychological level, the "sexual" experiences pleasure, the feeling of unity with a loved one is just happiness. In the social environment, the benefits of sex are manifested in strong family ties, social stability. For the development of culture, sexuality has been and remains the "base" of inspiration and creativity.
Everyone chooses …
- It turns out that asexuals pass by their happiness. So what to do with them: heal or "let them live"? You cannot answer unequivocally, because there are several “reasons” to be asexual.
First of all, it can be a moral choice of a person. If his path to a high goal is deliberately paved through asceticism, it remains only to step aside, respecting the right to choose. The main thing is that such asexuality does not acquire an aggressive character, depriving others of the opportunity to "drown in earthly passions", to enjoy love and sex.
And here I am, fashionable
- It is quite possible, - continues D. Vorsin, - that asexuality is a variant of a subculture, this is fashion … It happens that the desire to stand out and be original is so great that it leads “into the very jungle”. But fashion changes sooner or later. The adherents of the asexual movement, of course, will remain, the imitators will scatter and imitate something else.
Only no hands
- There are people for whom asexuality is one of the forms of social protest. They make an anti-sexual revolution (in opposition to the sexual revolution of the 60s of the 20th century). Its goal is social gender equality.
At a time when stereotypes of femininity and masculinity are crumbling, there are shifts in the system of marital relations (an increase in the number of singles and cohabitation), the so-called "marital duty" is beginning to be perceived by some as a veiled form of sexual exploitation, violence against the individual.
Therefore, the best way for women to defend their rights is to learn to say "No!" To sex. And this slogan will help a man to maintain good relations with his “colleague” under a marriage contract.
Self-sufficient
- The technologization of society and the extreme degree of individualism again lead to asexuality. Today virtual reality replaces the unpredictable life of young people.
Online life, virtual sex, the same feelings become familiar, accessible and, most importantly, safe. Real sexual relations cause anxiety, feelings of insecurity. Better to stay online than in bed.
But this is only a surrogate, an illusion …
Again, fertile ground for asexualism is individualism, which is gaining momentum in the world. Notice that a person's interests are more and more directed towards himself: my career, my success, my prosperity, my interests. And a partner and building a long-term relationship with him distract from this interesting activity - they simply do not fit into such a lifestyle.
No sex - no problem
- Asexuality can also be a consequence of psychological problems, the manifestation of protective mechanisms.
The experience of unsuccessful relationships with the opposite sex (personal complexes that interfere with the construction of sexual relations; facts of sexual violence; intra-family conflicts, etc.) may include psychological protection - avoidance or denial. In general, "no sex - no problem!" The real reason for this is usually not recognized. Psychotherapeutic help is required here.
Strangled instinct
- Finally, during puberty, the formation of sexual desire in a person may be impaired. It is possible that at this sensitive "moment" the parents used the method of repressive upbringing, violating the logic of psychosexual development in the adolescent. If a maturing person is constantly "driving in formation", it is possible that after sex he will not need.
… It is possible to suppress sexuality as a result of organic pathology (hormonal disorders, intoxication, brain trauma, somatic diseases). These are already private medical questions.
What to do about it?
- It turns out that it is possible to consider asexuality as a pathology or a disease only in certain cases. Each of them is individual, but if a person wants to change something, everything is real.
Some of the asexuals just need to solve the problem of sociability and personal complexes. Someone needs medication …
I think, - said sexologist D. Vorsin in conclusion, - there have always been asexuals, they just now openly declared themselves. Well, these are people, and their opinion must be taken into account. Need help or not - it's up to them to decide. You can't drag anyone into happiness by force!
Vadim Kirillov