It would seem that so much has been written about the life of cosmonauts that nothing new can be learned about it. But to the most stupid and awkward questions - those that are not customary to discuss in a decent society or during meals - few people know the exact answers.
In this photo, a space toilet
Two astronauts did give interviews on this topic: retired Colonel Mike Mullein, who made three space flights on the shuttles Discovery and Atlantis, and Leroy Chiao, who flew three times on the shuttles and commanded the expedition to the ISS in 2004-2005.
Mullein: In zero gravity, physiological changes occur, and, in particular, the distribution of fluids in the body is different - evenly throughout the body. The ankles, hips and waist become thinner, while the ribcage and breasts in women become larger. Unfortunately, the face swells too. If you look closely at the astronauts, you will notice that they seem to be hungover.
The head also hurts a little. But there are, so to speak, and advantages …
Huge boner?
Promotional video:
Mullein: I woke up a couple of times and my cock stood up so I could drill kryptonite with it.
Did you try to hide it? Or no one pays attention because it happens to everyone?
Mullein: Well, in my case, my head was very busy with other thoughts: "I have to control the manipulator arm, and there is a satellite worth a billion dollars, and I better not screw it up!" My advice to you: if you need everything to fall quickly, start thinking about a billion dollar satellite.
Has anyone ever had sex in space?
Mullein: I can say for sure that on the shuttles, where men and women flew together, this did not happen, because there is nowhere to be alone. Theoretically, one could sit in an airlock, but everyone would understand what exactly is happening there. You are not going to go into outer space, so you have no reason to be there.
Chiao: I'm pretty sure it didn't happen for one reason: men are always men. And if someone had sex, this guy probably would not have been able to resist and would have blabbed to someone - in the end everyone would know about it.
It still couldn't be kept secret, because Houston is watching you 24/7, right?
Chiao: Not really. We control the cameras on the shuttles and on the space station and can turn them off.
How do they go to the toilet in space?
Mullein: In zero gravity, you can't wash away waste with water. Therefore, the urinal on the shuttle is like a hose from a vacuum cleaner. The attachments on it are different for men and women. The urine is sucked in and collected in a tank.
What happens next?
Mullein: Urine accumulates over a couple of days and then is thrown into space. It looks beautiful: it freezes, and ice crystals sparkle brightly in the sun.
How do they walk in a big way?
Mullein: The solid waste hole is very small. This is far from a toilet seat, so accuracy is very important. To be honest, it's hard to figure out exactly where your anus is aimed in this small radius.
How is this worked out on Earth? Probably still not with a vacuum cleaner?
Mullein: The training process at NASA follows the "no surprises" principle. They built a model shuttle toilet and installed a camera with a flashlight on the bottom of the solid waste collection hole that actually illuminates your anus.
You sit down on this thing with a TV screen in front of you, and you fidget until you can match the holes, and then remember how your ass is positioned in relation to the details on the seat. You don't need to cope with this thing. Just practice aiming accurately.
Waste is thrown overboard in the same way as urine?
Mullein: Solid waste is returning to Earth with the shuttle. Throwing them overboard will clearly give new meaning to the tradition of making a wish when we see a shooting star.
Tell us about your worst toilet problem during your flights.
Chiao: One Friday night on the space station, we smelled a terrible smell from under the panels near the toilet. We lifted them - and large balls of green slime floated out. After each use of the toilet, the system automatically pipes concentrated acid into the tank to keep it clean. This pump should only run for a few seconds, but it broke and pumped the entire acid tank into the waste tank, which eventually overflowed.
And there were clots of urine and feces floating in the air?
Chiao: Well, yes.
At least it was beautiful?
Chiao: No, no. It looked very disgusting.
And you can't just grab the ball because you can't hold it, it just breaks up into many small balls?
Chiao: That's why you don't have to grab them with your hands. You should try to wrap them in some kind of dirty T-shirt or something similar so that it absorbs the liquid.
You have to put on adult diapers when launching a rocket. How does it feel?
Mullein: It's wildly uncomfortable. You sit with your legs raised and you start to want to write. There is no way to avoid this, since you have to lie for several hours. You begin to understand why babies roar, because urinating in a diaper is extremely disgusting. And we are still flying to where there is no bath or shower.
You can imagine what it would be like upon arrival: you take off the diaper, the crotch is wet, and the only thing you can do is wet the cloth and wipe it off. All this has to be done also during landing and during spacewalks. This is clearly not a trip after which you feel spring freshness throughout your body.
Have astronauts always wore diapers?
Mullein: I don't know. When I flew - and I think nothing has changed now - men had a choice. You could put a kind of "condom" on your penis to collect urine. It dripped into a bag with a check valve, fastened with Velcro at the waist. Everything turns out much cleaner than in a diaper.
On my first flight, I used this system. The problem is that after a few hours you stop feeling this bag and you don’t know if it’s on or has already slipped. And if it slips, it will turn out that you urinate directly into the spacesuit, which is highly undesirable. Mine never slipped, but I was so worried about it that I decided: to hell with it, I'd rather wear diapers.
When starting, you can not only wet yourself …
Mullein: I've never heard of a bigger problem happen to anyone. I think most are able to resist.
If you fart, will you fly forward?
Chiao: Well, basically, every action triggers an equal reaction. You will probably fly, but only by a few millimeters.
Haven't you tried the experiment? I added peas to the diet - and go ahead, make history!
Chiao: Not. It doesn't really work that way.
What other informal experiments did you conduct there? When you just thought, "Let's see what happens if I do this."
Chiao: Well, we all played with food, which just pissed off the PR staff. They were afraid: "Oh my God, the whole world will think that you are not doing anything there, only playing with food." In fact, it is interesting to squeeze out small balls of water or juice, they float and at the same time do not contain acid and other rubbish. You can blow on them, and they will begin to vibrate and move along interesting trajectories.
In general, it is very interesting how liquids behave in the absence of gravity. There you can study many phenomena that are difficult to see on Earth. But the balls must be controlled and the liquid must be drunk before it hits the panel.
