Human soul
One day you will wake up and realize that everything in your life up to this very moment was wrong. Monstrously wrong. Senseless, colorless, empty … And you will want to escape from your own life.
Break and run! Run wherever you look! Away. Away. Away … Just not to see any of this anymore. You can't see yourself before! Never … And you will run, leaving everything. Throwing away what was dear and important to you. And for a moment you will feel relief. The relief that only … death can give. Kill your life to stay alive. You will do this. You will definitely do it! And then you will come to your senses … But there will be no turning back.
• The soul knows neither space nor time. Therefore, she is not born and does not die. She just leaves her home and returns to her home. And her home is not the world that we are familiar with, and not the human body in which she finds herself after leaving her abode. Her world is Beauty.
It is difficult to explain and it is impossible to understand, it is even impossible to imagine … How to express this? The soul is a particle of the world of Beauty. The World of Angels - "big" souls that have come to our world thousands of times. They came on a par with everyone and passed the same tests that are given to everyone, but not everyone can do it. Angels are not those who rule the world, Angels are those who know it.
Leaving the world of Beauty, the soul suffers. In our world, she lacks that former, true Beauty that was her happiness. And she starts searching. She starts looking for what she has lost. She begins to search for Beauty in our world. But he is deceptive: here she is given the senses, and the true Beauty inside - she cannot be seen or touched. How can you find out what is behind the facade if you are not allowed inside?..
And souls are deceived. They fly to the beauty that they see and lose the Beauty that they brought with them …
• The soul is complete, not divided into parts. There are no contradictions and internal struggle in it. But, once in a human body, she is in a tense field of opposite forces. Its movements are the movements of a charged particle between "plus" and "minus", between what can be called "passions" and what we usually call "good."
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Our idea of "good" and "good" is not at all the truths of the Light. Our ideas about "good" and "good" are an algorithm that humanity has developed, wishing to protect itself from its own passions. Our passions - flesh of flesh - are part of this world. Light or dark - it doesn't matter, their goal is always domination. Anger, fear, love - they all crave power …
The soul longs for "power" and strives for "good". Both are illusions. But she doesn't know about it. When passion devours it, the soul justifies the passion. When passion eats up itself, the soul strives to "good." These forces play with her like a whole flock of cats with a small, defenseless mouse. However, it seems to the soul that it is doing internal work and is growing.
The journey of the soul is a journey through the labyrinth without an exit. But it seems to the soul that there is a way out. it takes time for her to understand how fruitless her search is …
• Sometimes it seems to the soul that it is not at all difficult to jump out of the labyrinth in which it is held by “passions” and “good”. You just have to make a decision and it's done. And the soul does not understand, cannot understand that this labyrinth is its fate in our world. That it is impossible to jump out of it, that it is impossible to renounce it, it is impossible to pretend as if it does not exist and it does not matter. He is, and this is Destiny.
Attempts to close our eyes to reality, to create an illusory world are one of the thousands of sweet temptations of the soul. She draws herself fabulous castles, she draws herself a world in which everything is simple, everything is correct, everything is beautiful. The soul draws its castles according to memories, in the footsteps of memories of the world where Beauty reigns. And only one problem - he, this painted castle, is not real.
In reality, the soul remains all in the same game, which is played by its "passions" with the idea of "good." The solution found is simply a new configuration of the old forces, nothing more. The life of the soul in the body is confinement in solitary confinement. And the way out, which she "finds" every now and then, is only a figment of her morbid imagination, her hallucinations.
Where there is no interlocutor, the soul talks to its own phantoms. And he feels horror when, suddenly, he realizes his loneliness.
• When you are in pain, you feel weak. When you are in great pain, you start to feel angry. When you are torn apart by pain, you already don't care. At all, I just want warmth and care. Any worries. from anyone. At least from someone … I would like to feel that at least for someone you are valuable. Just a little … Just a little. I just want to feel. Emotional death is when you really want, but you can no longer … love, In principle, you can not, keeping your desire. Huge, devouring you…. a wish.
• When the soul is in pain, its sense of life is dulled. She seems to be disoriented, losing her place in space. Her floor changes places with the ceiling. And where is the ceiling, where is the floor - she no longer knows. If earlier the soul could distinguish "good" from "bad", now it is completely confused - "good" and "bad" become for it an empty sound.
From the pain, from the unbearable burden of its suffering, the soul is like a stunned fish. She does not know what she should do, and what, on the contrary, she should not do in any case. She is confused. It seems to be carried by a huge, unrestrained current. It is often at such moments that a person with a "stunned" soul commits all his most terrible stupidity, terrible and unforgivable mistakes.
But all the same, in this - such a strange, so painful, even in something painful state - there is something very, very important for the human soul. When the edges of reality are lost, blurred, when conventions are leveled and disappear, the soul first sees this world as if from the outside. She separates, as if levitating. She realizes that she and the world are not the same thing.
This is only the first step - it all starts with the infinity of loneliness. First, but very important …
• The soul is like a chick. Coming into this world, she looks at it from the parental nest. She can sing and have fun, look around carefree, enjoy beautiful views. The naivety of a child is the happiness of the soul. However, time passes, a person grows older, and the moment comes when someone pushes his soul out of the "nest". But they talk about the parental home, they talk about the house that grew inside the person himself.
This inner home of a person, this inner way of his life - his picture of the world, his ideas about the world, his ideas about himself. These are his dreams, hopes, desires. And this house starts to crumble. It turns out that life is different. In it, no one cares about your hopes or your desires. Nobody. Nobody cares about her and you, because everyone is busy only with their hopes and desires. Everyone is busy only with themselves.
And an abyss opens up, and horror seizes the soul. For you to take off, you must start to fall. You need to see the bottom of your life, so that within you the need to soar up is born. And therefore the soul, without realizing it, seeks that very bottom, that extreme degree of fall, without which its true, full of power flight is impossible. She throws herself down, she is ready to crash and perish … This imaginary desire for death is in reality - the desire for true life. But if she knew that, she would not have thrown herself down …
• The soul is free from conventions, but while it does not know about it, it follows the "rules". However, once a person understands that the world is one big illusion, his soul gets the desired freedom. This is the purpose and meaning of the crisis that the soul is experiencing, "with meat" cutting itself out of the external environment, which for a long time it considered the only possible and correct for itself.
When the boundaries collapse, when the conventions of the world's order begin to be perceived by a person precisely as conventions, his soul is likened to a rider who has carried a horse. The soul, indeed, rushes at full speed, not making out the road, not obeying its rider. This state, in fact, is terrible, because a person loses all control over himself, but at some point this madness begins to give him inexplicable pleasure …
When he decides to “die,” he stops clinging to life. By folding his wings, he enjoys free fall. The soul gets a new experience - life in one day. It seems to her that this moment "now" is life. Everything now becomes so simple and understandable … Everything that one can think of is revealed to her in its impartiality, in its innocence and sinless.
The pleasure of losing control. The pleasure of a life in which there is neither yesterday nor tomorrow, but only today. The pleasure of relieving effort. As if tomorrow never comes … But it will come.
• At the moment of its fall, the soul seems to turn into stone and hits everyone who gets in its way. She is like a blind instrument of Doom. Evil, merciless and unprincipled Rock. Everything and everyone ceases to have any meaning for her. She is in so much pain that she can only defend herself. And it defends itself from everything, from everyone - from enemies, friends, windmills …
When you experience extreme pain, you stop thinking that someone else might be hurt as well. On the contrary, you suddenly begin to want everyone to suffer and suffer as much as you do. You wish them harm. However, you understand well another thing: no one will ever understand and will not rise to your pain. Nobody ever. And from the realization of this thought it becomes even more painful. You are alone with the infinity of suffering.
This is the ultimate point of egoism: when the soul, having lost its former memory of Beauty, having lost its previous knowledge of “good,” becomes cruel. Can a soul do evil? Can she destroy Beauty? Unfortunately yes. Can. It is no coincidence that Yin in Tao philosophy, reaching the limit, turns into Yang, and vice versa. Anything that reaches the limit becomes its own opposite. Angel turns into Demon …
If you think that life is a task that needs to be solved, life seems difficult to you. The moment you realize that the problem called "life" has no solution, you are overcome with despair. It would seem that it's time to give up the thought that you have an equation in front of you … oh, it would mean a loss! And, not wanting to lose, you begin to settle scores with your own life. It's like you're challenging her to a duel. If not. win, then at least there is a chance not to lose, to die along with the enemy … You shoot yourself to kill her. A crazy decision, which seems to the mind in this gloomy moment to be the only correct one …
• Before the soul belonged to the world where absolute Beauty ruled. And now the soul cannot believe in any way that it could reach the end of the fall. She doesn't believe that this end exists at all, maybe. She is not able to imagine that there is that final point beyond which there is nothing. Even having fallen, broken into blood, she continues to live, she continues to look for a way out.
The beauty that she felt in that other world with all her being was so huge, so majestic and omnipotent … How can you believe that somewhere, at some point in the universe, the field of her power becomes so thin that it is no longer there at all? Does divine Beauty have a limit?.. Is it possible to believe that infinity has a limit?
But what if this line actually exists?.. The very assumption seems to the soul blasphemous, but what can it say to its mind? What can she say to her tormented body? What can she tell them?.. And they, in turn, are not silent. Both mind and body unanimously affirm: “It's over! This is the end! The soul is left alone with its faith. One on one … And something breaks in her.
When "all is well," the soul interferes with our satiated, stupid, senseless, self-satisfied happiness. She is uneasy, she needs a flight. When “everything is bad,” when we are deprived of all hope, it hinders us otherwise. She prevents us from dying … But is it impossible to deceive her?
• The lost soul is looking for signs. She is looking for messages from that - her world. If she is right, if her memories of the world ruled by Beauty are not hallucinations, not fantasies, but the truth, then this world should be here, somewhere nearby. And he must speak to her - with his soul. He must tell her how to be, what to do, where to go, where to look for help and protection.
The soul looks for signs and does not notice that they are talking to it. And they talk to her … Always. The soul is not alone in this world. There are thousands, millions, billions of other souls in this world. And among them there are those who came here not only to pass their tests, but also to help others pass their tests. They come to speak …
But you have to be able to hear. You must be able to listen. You have to be sensitive. You have to be empathetic. When one person speaks to another person, they exchange information. At a more subtle level, their souls speak at the same second. They coo like doves - you cannot understand the meaning, but you know that it is. But we listen with our minds, not our hearts. The human mind is always selfish, it questions everything, resists.
People repel each other, although their souls did not have time to tell each other about the main thing. And often it is precisely those people whom we repulse with special force who speak to us about what is most important for us to hear …
Angel De Cuatie