By expressing our anger adequately, we encourage others to take our interests into account, says psychotherapist Margarita Zhamkochyan. It is only important to understand that he should not get the better of us.
You are driving calmly, and suddenly someone completely shamelessly cuts you off. At the same moment, your cheeks start to burn, your body tenses, your muscles harden … you are angry!
“Anger is one of the oldest and most powerful emotions,” says psychotherapist Margarita Zhamkochian. - It instantly and several times enhances the energy of our body, we feel a surge of strength, self-confidence."
In anger, our ancient ancestors drew strength to defeat an opponent. For us, their descendants, it is hardly so vital. However, by skillfully managing anger, we still provide ourselves (for a time) with peace of mind. But more often we perceive this emotion as unwanted and seek to contain it. And when we lose control of ourselves, we succumb to the power of anger, we feel awkward and guilty.
What are we angry about
“Outbursts of anger come on suddenly. The most ancient part of the brain, responsible for emotions, is activated at the moment when something or someone interferes with achieving a goal, restricts our physical or mental freedom, - says Margarita Zhamkochian. “It doesn’t matter who exactly does it - a person to whom we have a frank dislike, or our own child who scattered toys or did not do the homework. Moreover, sometimes we get angry … it is not clear why."
Anger multiplies our strength: in this state, we are ready to perform such actions and actions that we would never have dared to do at another moment.
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“It’s not surprising that this emotion becomes destructive if we don’t know how to handle it,” warns Margarita Zhamkochian. - When we restrain our anger, it accumulates somewhere inside, heats up, as if in a steam boiler, until finally some trifle breaks the lid … And then we cannot be stopped!
We get lost on some trifle, the true reason remains incomprehensible to others, and our behavior seems inadequate.
Get angry by the rules
How do you manage your anger? “First of all, refrain from insults,” says Margarita Zhamkochian. - When you have been offended, the desire to offend in response seems quite natural. But unlike animals, we humans cannot do that. We own mind, speech, which means, first of all, we must say about what we feel: "I am now in such anger that I am ready to simply kill you!" In terms of strength, this phrase is akin to the offensive one that usually breaks off the tongue at the moment of splash of emotions. However, by saying this you are not offending anyone."
You can do the same in another situation: for example, the child did not do what you asked him to do. You can call him a lazy person, a deceiver, but try to express your emotional state in a different way, say: "Everything is boiling inside me, from resentment I want to throw all your toys out the window!" Once this phrase is said, your tension will subside and you will be ready to have a constructive conversation.
We all react differently to what is happening around us. Some endure for years what others react to instantly. But in any case, you should not fight anger, it is better to strive to tame it. After all, one of the main tasks of emotions (including those that are considered negative) is to help us stay alive.