Most people now misunderstand the meaning of the word "love", they confuse it with falling in love, and these are different things. Falling in love is more of a physiological state, and love is a state of mind. Falling in love is just a game of hormones.
What is true love? When a person begins to experience love, then his previous model of behavior changes, the person begins to feel what the other person feels, takes over all the pains and joys of that person. Love is suicide, it is the murder of your former self, your individuality. It's like a connection to the nervous system of another person. Love is pain, this is suffering, this is a feat. Love is the sacrifice of one's own development for the development of another / others.
How to distinguish falling in love from love? Falling in love does not always turn into love, but it is often considered love. It came from sentimentality, from the infantilism of people who turned love into a kind of lisp, into red hearts and angels with arrows. Falling in love is actually just a physiological human need, caused by a hormonal surge. It is known that when a person is in love, oxytocin is produced in his body, and because of this he experiences a feeling of euphoria. Oxytocin is a hormone of being friendly to another person. Even when two brutal men are sitting drinking in the kitchen, and their conversation reaches the stage of "you respect me," then at this moment oxytocin is produced, interacting with alcohol. Therefore, there are conversations about respect, friendship, various hugs, fraternization and so on. Likewise, a two drunk guy and a girl have sympathy more often than sober ones - because alcohol stimulates the production of oxytocin, which causes sympathy, similar to falling in love.
A person is drawn to another person, because more and more needs for dopamine and oxytocin arise. But then in many cases it goes away. Falling in love is an animal attraction to an individual of the opposite sex. Sexual attraction is also attributed to love when it is confused with falling in love, but one can feel absolutely no attraction to a person and at the same time love him, because love is not determined by the degree of attraction. Some women say: "He doesn't love me anymore, he left for another." The fact is that he did not love her before, but only experienced attraction.
I know from experience many girls who have stated that:
But then some kind of force majeure happened in their relationship, and their former "true love" went somewhere, and in its place came arguments and swearing. Is this real love? For so many years of perversion, the term "love" has been transformed into various kinds of lisps, rosy hearts, angels, etc. The capitalist, bourgeois model of the social system has turned this term into a commodity, into something that can be sold or into something where you can make a big profit. Those. it turns out, there was a substitution of the concepts of "love" and "falling in love". If love is something high, then falling in love is an ordinary human feeling. Exactly the same as feeling hungry, sleepy, feeling when a person wants to use the toilet, etc. It's a simple primitive feeling, a simple primal instinctand popular culture is largely built on this primitive feeling of being in love, incorrectly calling it love. Modern culture, or rather, pop culture, has degraded to such an extent that the mind is not enough for anything other than to praise primitive, physiological human feelings and needs, because falling in love is just a need.
But judge for yourself, just imagine, this is just an ordinary physiological attraction, when one individual, smelling the pheromones of another individual, begins to experience sexual attraction. Precisely sexual, because falling in love one way or another implies sexual intercourse in the future. Those. she is continuously connected with this and is only a stage in the development of sexual intercourse between a man and a woman. Everything is as simple as two and two, and from this they have made such a huge commercial product, so much money has already been earned on it, so many careers have been made, films were shot and music was recorded. If the author of a work wants to get easy money, then he will definitely play on human feelings: he will write about falling in love, calling his works "love songs", "films about love", "love stories".
Falling in love involves the secretion (release) of certain hormones. For example, they say:
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And people are walking. There is nothing wrong to follow a person to the "end of the world", but the point is that people are walking, guided by feelings. Because here you can really talk about a strong stage, but not love, namely falling in love. Those. under the influence of a large production of hormones, natural drugs (endorphins, serotonin, dopamine), a person, intoxicated (literally) by them, goes to any madness for the sake of the object of his love. And when the object (partner) suddenly abandons such a person, then from the lack of the usual dose of drugs (from withdrawal) he is ready for radical measures - up to suicide. This happens, as a rule, during puberty (adolescence), when the hormonal surge is already very large, and there is also stimulation due to this dangerous feeling.
It follows that true love has nothing to do with the sexual feeling of attraction of one person to another, whereas love is not a feeling at all.
Here's another example. Imagine this situation: A child grows up in a family, the family also has a dog. They love to play with each other, run, etc. But once, for some reason, the child had to leave this place for about 10 years. But when he returned already a modified, more adult person, the dog, seeing him, immediately rushed to him. And the person experienced the same joyful feelings for her. This is love, what do you think? Not! And this is not love, this is also just an instinct! Once they felt good together, they played, laughed, they produced hormones of pleasure (endorphins), and their memory retained this hormonal surge. But now the continuation of the story. Once, when they were also playing together, bad people approached the child and tried to kill him with a knife, but the dog saw this - and rushed to his aid, jumping,she overshadowed him and died soon after. Those. she sacrificed her life for her true friend. And this is really love!
Love is the ability to sacrifice the most precious thing you have for someone else. And the most precious thing is life. You can sincerely hate another person, but in a difficult situation you sacrifice yourself for him - this is love. And everything else is lisp and pink snot. And no more. All these lisps are worthless, while love is strength, power, is a manifestation of the will and determination of a person. This, if you will, is more like a character trait than a feeling.
There are also divisions between maternal love, friendly love, love of a man and a woman. But in fact, there is no separation at all - all this is the same, because love has no material, physiological source, love has a different nature - this is a spiritual feeling, it is not even a feeling, but some kind of spiritual component, some kind of immaterial a form that overwhelms a person. Love is a humanitarian term. Simply put, love is not what modern people are used to thinking: "Oh, what I feel inside myself!" - this is not that, it is not love, but some instincts, and instincts are material. Love is not a definition of the internal state of a person, but of his actions, his external manifestations. Any attempt to present love only as a feeling, i.e. something you feel is wrong.
To love means to wish the highest good for a person, it is the ability to make the greatest sacrifices, the ability to give his life for the sake of a person. A person ceases to live by his own interests, but switches to the interests of another person and shares everything with him.
ABOUT MARRIAGE
Love in marriage is not the quenching of lust and sexual desire - this is a purely humanitarian term, while lust is quite material and is explained by the production of certain hormones. Love in general is a purely humanitarian term that has nothing to do with attraction. In all nations at all times, marriages were concluded not at all out of love, but because the father of the groom and the father of the bride decided to unite their farms, their families, their homes, and capital. They gave their children away according to this principle. And nothing after all, somehow they lived and gave birth to children, and families were strong.
A marriage will be strong when it is built on a solid foundation. And if the foundation of marriage is only the love of two people, their passion, lust and attraction to each other (and attraction has a habit of passing away, disappearing!) - then the marriage collapses. This is evidenced by the sad statistics of divorces, about 60-70%.
The basis for a successful marriage, its foundation should be two points: a) children, b) household. The second point is quite logical: you must agree that it is much easier for two to manage a household than alone. And the first point is the most important point, because when you get married, its purpose is to have and raise children, i.e. in the production of new members of society. Therefore, all of oneself must be given to the children, and the whole marriage must exist for the sake of children. This has always been the case, at all times, in any nations, in any regions of our Planet.
But now the institution of marriage has been perverted and turned into something else. Marriage today is a union between two lovers, created solely on the basis of their feelings, needs, attraction, lust. This is something that is easily concluded and easily dissolved, even in the legislation more and more changes are being applied to facilitate the procedure for the conclusion and dissolution of marriage. Wanted - got married, wanted - divorced. Now even witnesses are no longer needed. Therefore, this "modern marriage" cannot be called a marriage either.
Love in marriage is not at all falling in love and attraction; love in marriage is a sacrifice. It is the ability to sacrifice oneself, one's personal space, time, a part of one's individuality for the sake of children and a spouse. Therefore, I would even rename the term "Lovers" to "Lovers", i.e. those who are in love and give free rein to their desire, are engaged in "falling in love", but not love. By the way, "conjugal duty" is not called duty for nothing, because the spouse is simply obliged to do "this", is obliged to perform this sacrament. Gruzdev called himself get in the body! He called himself a husband / wife - do your duty, bring offspring, create new members of society. Well, if they are lovers, what is their duty? This is exactly what they want, this is not a duty, but a direct adherence to their instincts and needs. Whereas the fulfillment of duty is not always at will and is often even performed reluctantly. Therefore, the duty is, whatever you want, you don't want to, but must do!
TRUE LOVE IS A KIND OF SLAVERY
Yes exactly! And what, this phrase causes you some kind of indignation and discomfort, insult and discontent? Or, perhaps, because it is in you? After all, as is customary among many, a husband (or wife) is almost property for spouses and is needed in order to fulfill any of their requests and orders. But true love, i.e. one that is not in love is slavery, and slavery is mutual. And when slavery is mutual, i.e. and he and the other spouse are equally slaves to each other, then there is no one who will exploit. This is not slavery when there is a slave and a master - it is voluntary, mutual slavery. And that's exactly the point. When one of the spouses ceases to be a slave himself and only begins to demand, he becomes the master - and there is no more love.
Therefore, the essence of love marriage is precisely in self-sacrifice, love is a sacrifice. Just as a slave in ancient Egypt sacrificed himself to his master, so does a person who loves sacrifice himself. The only difference is that this slavery, sacrifice is voluntary, and therefore it is not slavery at all, in the classical sense of this concept.
However, many people are so hung up in their egoism that such a formulation may seem wild to them: "How is it: I - and will be a slave !?" Spouses perceive each other as private property, like slaves, but they themselves do not want to be such. Due to the different role behavior of the husband and wife, slavery manifests itself in different ways. The wife is distinguished by meekness, the husband - protection and support. That is why I say that love is akin to slavery, but not the same.
Author: Oleg Prikhodko