In our culture, it is not very common to accept pain as one of the natural and often experienced conditions of any person. Starting with the generally accepted "men don't cry", we got to "supergirl don't cry". Now no one cries here: men do not cry because their status is not supposed to, women do not cry, because "in the modern world a woman needs to be strong," and children are not particularly allowed to cry either - somehow uncomfortable, suddenly someone will think that we are bad parents.
It is customary to endure pain, it is customary to devalue pain, it is customary to make fun of pain or not notice it at all. It can be ignored, it can be denied, it can be hysterical in agony, proving that "I'm fine", you can grit your teeth, smile at everyone and endlessly repeat "I can handle it." It is possible, but it will not lead to anything good.
Pain is a signal that somewhere in the body there has been a failure, this is an attempt by the body to attract our attention, this is a sign that it is time to start healing, because it is better to solve any problem as soon as it is detected, and not to postpone this process "for a long time. box".
Trying to deny pain is a kind of immaturity, it's like in childhood, remember, closing your eyes from fear or hiding with your head under the covers - you seem to be doing something, but it does not give a solution to the problem. The unhealed and denied pain of the past eventually turns into tumors and chronic diseases in the body. Mental trauma closes the heart from real feelings and instead of moving deeply into a relationship, a person once again chooses some "safe option", for example, being alone, dating a married person, a long-distance relationship or "the wrong one" a person - anything, but not to let anyone come close to you.
Denial of pain forms an almost insurmountable ban on happiness. Pretending that everything is okay is much safer than becoming truly vulnerable. Happiness is impossible without openness and vulnerability, and where there is openness, there are all kinds of feelings. How can you learn to love deeply if you have forbidden yourself to feel pain? How can you recognize light if you have never seen darkness? How can you learn to appreciate a good attitude if you have never seen a bad one?
Cutting off "negative" feelings and emotions from our lives only leads to the fact that over time we become less and less susceptible to both our own states and what our loved ones experience. If we once decided not to cry under any circumstances, then we will be annoyed by the tears of parents, children, wives and, even more so, husbands. If our life is continuous positivism, then we will constantly try to make our upset children laugh, not letting them fully live their small and big sorrows, we will “boo” and “poke” at them, say that we should not “bother”. But these are not "troubles" … the ability to accept and live their own pain opens the door for a person to the world of deep feelings, makes him able to empathize with other people.
The unlived and unparsed pain of parent-child relationships makes us either fanatically loving or emotionally closed parents. Untrained traumas from past relationships lead us to an overly rational and sometimes cynical attitude towards our partner. The accumulated grievances make us insensitive or not very adequate in responding to completely harmless words and jokes of people close to us.
Tactile barriers, "total detachment" (when a person constantly repeats that he does not hold you, but in fact is very much afraid of getting closer), inability to make friends, love, build family and other relationships are the result of accumulated denied pain. You need to learn to live the pain (how can anyone succeed) - with tears, with all anger, with inconsolable sobs of a wounded inner child. Denial of pain is like injuring our hand and hiding it in our pocket, as if nothing had happened, but it happened …
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Sooner or later, you need to have the courage to start healing yourself. Either you yourself will begin to do it, or one day life will force you to deal with this issue, and not always in a form that is pleasant for you. It is said that often growth comes through pain, and suffering is our choice. Live the pain without getting stuck in it. Everything goes away, and the pain goes away too. Once. Nothing bad lasts forever.
