Secrets weigh on the mind. To understand how, the researchers examined the process of withholding during one-off social interactions, proving that trying to maintain secrecy is exhausting and can increase anxiety. But what about the long-term consequences? A new article in Attitudes and Social Cognition describes ten studies on the impact of secrets on everyday life, showing how the burden of secrets spoils our lives with constant reminders and periods of reflection.
The Columbia University team - Michael Slepian, Jinseok Chan, and Malia Mason - first developed and approved a covert study with two thousand participants. They identified 38 types of secrets, covering a variety of situations - from theft and drug use to sexual orientation.
Using a new survey with 600 more participants (most were recruited from an online portal and were usually over 30), the researchers found that 96% of them had a secret of some kind. Most often these are romantic thoughts about someone outside their relationship, sexual behavior, or emotional infidelity.
The researchers also asked participants to recall the past month and tell how often they got into situations where they had to hide their secret, and how often they thought about it when there was no such need. It turned out that they recalled the secret twice more often than there were episodes associated with the need to cover up. And most importantly, their life was influenced (for example, "this secret worsened my life and well-being") precisely the frequency of thoughts about the secret, and not how often they had to hide it in reality.
This adverse effect of thinking about secrets also showed up in a survey of New York City tourists. Evidence suggests that active concealment - which is the main focus of most secrecy studies - may not be the defining characteristic of secrecy. Rather, in the first place, there is repeated thinking about hidden information, which leads to large psychological consequences.
However, this study did not show a causal relationship between thoughts of secrets and well-being (this is difficult to test experimentally because it would be unethical to introduce disturbing secrets into people's lives). It seems more likely that the association is, at least in part, caused by harmful secrets, which arise more easily and directly affect a person's life. However, further analysis showed that if the mind is more susceptible to thoughts of secrets, then this correlates with a lower level of well-being, regardless of the importance of the secret or the nuisance of the information it contains. It is assumed that repetitive thoughts about any kind of mystery can be damaging.
What about secrets that are obviously difficult to hide (for example, withholding an affair or trauma from a loved one)? Could the act of concealment itself have serious consequences in these situations? To verify this, in further research, the authors focused on more powerful secrets that provoke feelings of guilt in participants who hide it from their partners. Participants continued to report that they had to think about the secret more often than there were situations when it needed to be hidden (one long-term study showed 2.5 times more often). Again, more frequent ruminations were associated with lower well-being, both in terms of life satisfaction and the quality of relationships.
If these results are accurate, and ruminating on secrets does impair our well-being, then what is the psychological process? From a psychological point of view, it is harmful to indulge in negative thoughts or memories, and thinking about secrets can often be attributed to this category. Perhaps the same process is at work? It seems that no. Slepyan's team asked another 186 participants to recall either a negative life event known to their partner, or a secret that they were hiding from them. Participants who recalled a negative event found it more unpleasant than recalling secrets as judged by the other group, but it was the respondents from the latter group who stated that they felt less satisfied at that moment. At the same time, they believed that the deterioration in well-being was not associated with poor health. Rather disappointmentassociated with mystery was associated with a feeling of less sincerity.
Promotional video:
We often feel compelled to keep a secret because we are afraid of the consequences of revealing it. But this research shows that secrets are already costly to you, even if you do not actively hide them, because of the constant stream of reminders that forces you to resent the obstacle you created yourself to a prosperous life. This does not mean that it is easy to give up cheating. But if you can find a way, then it can change your life: it will not only free you from lies, but also make your mental space more free.