Have you ever fallen in love out of the blue? In someone who, according to your personal ideas about the ideal couple, is not at all suitable for this? Research shows that relationship experts can actually predict who will like whom. Hundreds of different polls of candidates for finding a couple, in which people were asked to describe themselves, their habits and preferences, did not help either. The experts even used machine learning to analyze the questionnaires to try to predict people's choices during so-called quick dates. But in this case, they were expected to fail. Researchers have not been able to predict the appearance of the very "spark" between people who met for the first time, which nevertheless does arise for some.
Someone will say that no one knows better than themselves, so no expert will help in this matter. However, as surprising as it sounds to you, we ourselves are not able to predict who we might like and why. Because we ourselves don't know what we want. And for this, it turns out, there is a completely scientific explanation.
Unconscious preferences
When we try to find the perfect relationship partner for ourselves, we rely on conscious and deliberate choice. At least so it seems to us. In fact, most of the parameters characterizing the ideal partner are embedded in our subconscious. For example, in one of the psychological studies of the early 2000s it was found that when we consciously describe our preferences for a partner for a long-term relationship, then most of us say that such human traits and aspects as kindness, mutual interests, affection, intelligence more important to us than his physical attractiveness.
Despite the results of numerous studies showing that heterosexual men and gays are more likely than straight women and lesbians to cite a person's physical attractiveness as one of the main criteria for choosing the right couple for the same quick dates, experiments and observations have consistently demonstrated that a person's physical attractiveness is the same. important for both men and women. Moreover, this factor influences our choice in favor of a date or refusal from it much more than such factors as personality and education of a person. And the choice in favor of the physical attractiveness of a potential partner is dictated to us by our subconscious. Experiments to assess the unconscious preferences of people demonstrate that men,and women are equally likely to prefer a handsome man as an ideal partner.
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In addition, it has been established that our subconscious mind changes some characteristics of the ideal partner over time, which also changes our behavior. And most often this happens in women, including due to physiological changes in their body. For example, natural women who are at the peak of their menstrual cycle are more likely to opt for more masculine, well-built men. With a high level of estrogen (female sex hormones), they become more interested in other men, even if there is a couple. With an increased level of progesterone, on the contrary, they become more "attached" to their main partner.
Caring for others
Psychologists are also quite surprised by the fact that we often start meeting people who do not at all correspond to our ideas about the ideal partner. In one study, straight men and women who were looking for a mate were asked to list those traits and personality traits of a person that, in their opinion, would become “blockers” for potentially closer acquaintance and communication, for example, opposing religious and political views, bad habits, a tendency to cheat, and so on.
However, when people were told that other study participants with at least three "blocking traits" wanted to meet them, 74 percent of those people agreed to share contact information with these "unacceptable potential partners." Interestingly, the scientists themselves predicted the results at 46 percent, which is also a lot. Researchers suggest that this behavior and the reluctance to immediately reject the wrong partner is explained by the fact that by doing so we try not to hurt someone's feelings.
Spark
Despite the fact that each of us has our own tastes and ideas about the ideal partner, it seems that the most important criterion for choosing is a personal meeting with a person. If, when communicating with a person directly, we feel that very spark, our assessment criteria and blocking characteristics fade into the background and are not particularly important. In one experiment, scientists created fake profiles of people with the most desirable and undesirable traits and habits for other participants.
Then each "fake person" personally met with the person who chose him based on these characteristics and behaved as it was written in the legend of scientists. It turned out that during a personal meeting, the participants' initially voiced preferences did not in any way affect the level of sympathy for the fake person. Based on this, the researchers concluded that even those traits that we consider very important (or unacceptable) for our potential preferred partner, cease to play any important role if we feel that spark in person. This study also helps explain why personal data questionnaires filled out by members of dating sites and analyzed by computer algorithms to find the “ideal mate” do not actually do much good in predicting whetherwhether we like the person or not.
Fall in love unexpectedly
Given our tendency to date people who don't fit our ideas of the ideal couple, it's logical to assume that such a relationship won't last long. However, as mentioned above, our preferences can change, and not only on a subconscious level, but also taking into account a completely conscious choice. We often underestimate the importance of our previous ideas about the ideal partner if our current halves do not correspond to them, and at the same time increase the importance of their positive traits. We also often idealize our beloved ones and therefore note or even attribute to them those positive character traits that they themselves may not even suspect or consider seriously. Also, no matter what traits our partners have or don't have, the more we get to know them, become attached and love them,the stronger our attraction to them becomes. Therefore, fall in love with your health! Fall in love completely unexpectedly for yourself! You might be surprised at how well your relationship is progressing.
Nikolay Khizhnyak
