Each person should be ready for an adequate response to manipulation - a phenomenon widespread in a conflict social environment, especially in the modern world.
Manipulation can be viewed as a specially staged performance for the purpose of psychological pressure on a partner and forcing him to do what he does not want to do. Moreover, a partner is considered not as a person, a person, but only as an “object” for twisting his arms and satisfying his needs. Compassion for the feelings and suffering of the person to whom the manipulation is applied is not provided. And even on the contrary, such words, such influences are specially selected in order to give a person more pain.
For this reason, it would not hurt the younger generation to learn to recognize this dishonest behavior, and we will try to give an algorithm for building a psychological defense against meanness.
According to E. Shostrom, there are eight main types of manipulators:
1. "Dictator" - exaggerates his strength, orders, quotes authorities, dominates.
2. “Judge” - exaggerates his criticism. He does not believe anyone, blames everyone, is indignant, hardly forgives an oversight.
3. "Hooligan" - exaggerates his aggressiveness, cruelty, ill will. Manages using threats of various kinds. A typical female version of the "bully" in Russia is the grumpy "Baba-saw".
All three of these types of manipulation can be expected from people of the "triangle" type.
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4. "Calculator" - tries to control everyone. He deceives, evades, lies, tries to outwit on the one hand, and on the other - to double-check others. It is very likely that this manipulation will be used by "round-triangular" people with "square" inclinations for the third function.
5. "Rag" - develops great skill when interacting with the "dictator". Exaggerates their sensitivity and vulnerability. Typical techniques: forgetting, being embarrassed, passively silent, not having an opinion, not hearing.
6. "Sticking" - with all her might exaggerates her dependence, thirsts to be the subject of care of others. Allows and gradually forces others to do the work for him.
These two manipulations are sometimes characteristic of people of the "zigzag-round" type.
7. "Defender" - overemphasizes his support and condescension to error. He spoils others by compassion beyond measure. Prevents a person from standing on their own feet and growing independent. Instead of taking care of his own business, he takes care of the needs of others, although he is not asked to.
8. "Nice guy" - exaggerates his caring, love, attentiveness. Facing him is much more difficult than facing a bully. He kills and disarms with kindness in order to squeeze out of you everything he needs.
These manipulations are often used by people of the "round-triangular" type.
In addition, there are four main types of manipulative systems:
1. Active manipulator - controls others through active methods. He will never show his weakness. As a rule, he uses his social status or rank (leader, parent, teacher, boss, sergeant, etc.).
2. Passive manipulator - pretends to be stupid, helpless, lethargic, painful, etc., allowing the active manipulator to think and work for him.
3. Competitor - perceives life as a constant tournament, competition. For him, life is a constant battle, and people are rivals and even enemies, real and potential.
4. Indifferent - the manipulator tries to get away from contacts, feigning indifference, dumping his work on the shoulders of more conscientious comrades.
The algorithm for psychological defense against manipulative behavior consists of three blocks:
1. Recognition of the very fact that manipulation is directed against you. Here, at any appearance of psychological discomfort in communication, they carefully look at the interlocutor, trying to recognize the "show" that is being played out in front of you. Each person can, after looking closely, establish that the interlocutor is crushing somewhere, somewhere false, somewhere does not speak, somewhere on the contrary speaks too much … That is, a performance is underway …
There is sincere anger, and there is acting out of anger, true sympathy and sympathy beyond measure - ostentatious. True caring and caring for show when not asked for.
That is, there is a performance that is manipulation.
2. Revealing the hidden target of the manipulator. I recall similar scenes that happened to you and this person, as well as to other people. Very often the manipulator wants a bribe from you. A bribe does not have to be money, although it does happen. He probably wants you to “work off the offense”; made him a gift; saved him from routine work; they were simply afraid and obsequiously behaved in front of him … He wants you to include him as a co-author in a promising research area, make a joint publication … and you never know what a person needs from you!
If you are a pretty girl and he is a man, that is one thing; You are a scientist, he is a boss - that is different; You are a businessman - he is an official - the third.
3. Building psychological defense. It is revealed that a performance has been started against you; the final goal that this person is seeking is clearly defined. You realize that this is meanness … If you can't just get up and walk away, then respond to the performance with a performance.
A psychological defense is built in the form of a modification of the "nice guy", but with a refusal.
Since your partner invites you to play a play, play along with him. To refuse, you also need to learn. In an amicable way, peacefully, even with a touch of affection, artistic. Well, for example, like this: “Well, I'm guilty, Vasil Vasilievich, I'm guilty of everything. Let me myself, in order to make amends, make you a gorgeous gift, exactly what you dream of.
Now, however, there is absolutely no way to carve out money for a gift. The son is studying at the institute. Everything goes to him. Even on foot I go to work to save a penny.
Vasil Vasilyevich, after all, you are a caring boss, can you add my salary so that I can at least make ends meet. You can all …"
Admitting guilt, and even a slightly exaggerated response with beating the chest, repenting of all sins - this is very helpful in communicating with the Triangles.
It's not a sin to remember Dale Carnegie and his recommendations on what to do to make people like them especially:
- Smile more often.
- Show a genuine interest in people.
- Remember that each person considers their name to be the best word in the entire vocabulary.
- Learn to listen carefully and encourage the interlocutor to talk about yourself.
- Start a conversation on a topic that interests your interlocutor.
- Try to make the person feel superior and do it sincerely.
- Respect the opinions of other people. Never tell a person directly that they are wrong.
“The only way to win an argument is to avoid it.
- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and categorically.
- Start with a friendly tone and try to get an affirmative answer from your interlocutor at the very beginning of your conversation.
- Let the other person talk more and try to talk less.
- Make the person feel that the idea you gave him belongs to him and not to you.
- Try to see things through the eyes of another person.
- Use noble motives.
- Use the principle of visibility to prove your case.
- Praise the person for his slightest achievement. Be sincere in approval and generous in praise.
- Build a person a good reputation, which he could justify; what you want to achieve from him is easily accomplished.
- Act so that a person would consider it happiness to do what you offer him.
To neutralize the manipulations of "rags" and "sticky" it is necessary to portray an overloaded and tortured person - to make a "retaliatory move".
For the "protector" and "nice guy", you need to portray strictness in your behavior and not fall for their tricks. In general, act out an interesting return performance.
Play your role with humor and remember that the Lord God Himself on Earth has built this performance so that each person can learn a lot and learn a lot in the course of his life. And try to avoid communicating with such deceitful and cynical manipulators. This communication will not lead to good: "To live with wolves - howl like a wolf …".
Literature
1. Tomilin, K. G. Fundamentals of professional communication in physical culture and sports: Textbook. Part 1 / K. G. Tomilin. - Sochi: RIC FGBOU VPO "SSU", 2014. - 128 p.
2. Tomilin, K. G. Social psychology: typology, communication, management: Methodical recommendations / K. G. Tomilin. - Chelyabinsk: ChOO "Knowledge of Russia", 2004. - 53 p.
3. Tomilin, K. G. Management of recreational activities at water resorts: Monograph / K. G. Tomilin. - 2nd ed. break. and add. - Sochi: RIO SGUTiKD, 2009.-- 184 p.
Author: Konstantin Tomilin
